


Disorienuptials

by AuroraBorealia, LadyNorbert



Series: Skyhold Academy Yearbook [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Dentistry, F/M, Hawke & Varric Tethras Friendship, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Stag Nights & Bachelor Parties, Wedding Fluff, Wedding Planning, Weddings, Wisdom Teeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-02-02 06:40:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12721548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuroraBorealia/pseuds/AuroraBorealia, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNorbert/pseuds/LadyNorbert
Summary: Varric has to have his wisdom teeth removed. Hawke films his antics as the anesthesia wears off. Add his latest novel, a frustrated party planner, a pink tuxedo, some magic tricks, and a debate about nugs. Shake well and don't drink anything while reading.





	1. At Least It's Not a Root Canal

**Author's Note:**

> LadyNorbert here, welcoming everyone back to the latest session at Skyhold Academy! I insisted on taking the posting reins this time around, because what you're about to enjoy is my absolute favorite installment in this series. Granted, it does focus heavily on my beloved Varric, so that's part of the reason, but it's also some of the funniest stuff we've ever done. (I've been remarking for a while that the series included trips to the dentist - did you think I was kidding?) The first couple chapters were inspired by the fact that I myself had to have my wisdom teeth removed in mid-2017, and it just kind of went haywire from there. So sit back, relax, and get ready for a story that's just full of surprises!

* * *

**Chapter One: At Least It's Not a Root Canal**

* * *

 

Varric had tried to ignore it as long as possible. He, like many people, _hated_ going to the dentist. But he finally broke down and went to get an exam, and he was in no very sweet temper when he returned to the school.

“Two cavities. That’s no big deal,” he grumbled to Cassandra. “But I have to have my wisdom teeth removed - and they’re impacted, which means I have to have surgery.”

Cass rubbed her cheek, as if sympathetically feeling his pain. “Well, I don’t envy that. But everything will be fine,” she assured him. “It’s better to get it taken care of now than let it go and have an issue down the line.”

“I guess. At least I’ll only be out of commission for two or three days,” he said. “Nobody has to watch my classes, I scheduled the surgery for next Friday and I can spend the weekend recuperating. The summer courseload is pretty light anyway.” He sighed. “Someone has to drive me, though. The surgery means I’m gonna be knocked out.”

“I can do that, unless Hawke called dibs.” She gave him a slight smile. “I imagine she wouldn’t miss the opportunity to see you coming off the effects of sedation.”

“Are you kidding? She’ll probably film it and give it to Dorian. She’s my best friend but she’s also kind of evil,” he replied with a small grin. “Speaking of Hawkes, though, I’d better let Bethany know what’s going on. Maybe I can gain some sympathy points or something.”

Cass laughed. “Oh, I’m sure. And I’d be willing to bet she’ll want to be there for you when you wake up.”

“I just hope I don’t say anything _too_ stupid. Some people have had real weird reactions to the drug, you know. What if I look at her and think she’s my grandmother or something?” He chuckled.

“Well, either way Hawke is probably going to film it and send it to the staff,” she teased. “I suppose it’s just a matter of if it goes on YouTube or not.”

“Oh, I have no _doubt_ it will be on YouTube.” He shook his head. “Well, General, let’s face it - this face was made for radio. But hopefully she gets my good side and a shot of my chest hair.”

She rolled her eyes and made one of her trademark disgusted noises. “Just for that, when the Hawke sisters _do_ put it on YouTube, I’m sharing it on Facebook.” She crossed her arms with a smile. “Or showing it in class, I’ll have to decide.”

“If you want me to pose for the phys ed classes, you just have to ask.” He laughed. “All right. I’ll keep you posted about whether she gets anything good after the operation.”

* * *

Several minutes later, he was in his office with the laptop open, looking at his favorite pair of eyes. “Got some news, Sunshine. Not the best kind of news, but y’know, it could be worse.”

Bethany’s expression immediately turned serious. “Uh-oh. Should I be worried?”

“Nah. Well, you can be if you want,” he teased. “Your old man has to have oral surgery. The wisdom teeth need to come out and they’re all kinds of malformed and impacted and shit. So they’re putting me under and cutting open my mouth.”

“Ohh. Oh, ouch, you poor thing.” She winced. “Looks like you’ll need to buy yourself some of that ice cream you always get for the students. When’s this happening?”

“Next Friday, so I have the weekend to recover. Your big sis will make sure I get home in one piece because I definitely should not be driving after something like that. But I figured I’d better let you know.”

“Well, I’m glad you did. You poor thing,” she repeated. “I got mine out when I was a teenager and it wasn’t fun even when they were normal. I can’t imagine what it’s like when they’re malformed. But everything will be fine. And I’ll be thinking of you.”

“You gonna send me flowers?” he teased. “Or some sort of questionable girlfriend gift?”

“Oh, I don’t know, I could show up in person. Me showing up unannounced is sort of my thing,” she said with a grin.

“Sort of defeats the point of the un-announcement when you announce it like that,” he pointed out with a laugh.

“Hey, you’ll be all drugged up, you won’t know either way,” she countered, also laughing. “Plus now, instead of spending the next week worrying about the surgery, you can spend it wondering ‘will she or won’t she?’ You’re welcome.”

“Clever girl.” He laughed again. “Your sister’s already informed me that she’s planning to film me after the surgery in case I say something hilariously stupid under the influence. So let me say in advance that anything I say should not be taken seriously and you should not be insulted if I don’t recognize you.”

“No worries, I won’t be insulted. As for not taking your drug-addled statements seriously, well... that depends on what the statements are.” She lifted an eyebrow teasingly.

“Fair enough. Just promise me that whatever happens, you’ll protect me from Sparkler? He’s going to do everything he can to get back at me for that ‘Shiny’ incident. I just know it.”

She giggled, and put a hand over her heart. “You have my word. I’ll keep you safe, never fear.”

“That’s my girl. How’s life in my Metropolis?”

“Well, as usual, I feel like a postcard, wish you were here.” She smiled. “Otherwise, everything is as you left it.”

“A thousand miles feels like a million years. But I would do anything for love.” He laughed. “That’s weird. It feels like I’m mixing metaphors.”

She clapped her hands together, chuckling. “Okay, when you next come home, you’re doing a mash-up of those two songs. Maybe I can throw in ‘Take A Chance On Me’ and really confuse everyone.”

Varric threw his head back and laughed. “Maybe that’s what will happen when I’m recovering from the sedation,” he said. “I’ll start trying to sing multiple songs at once.”

“I’m so down for that,” she replied cheerfully. “Maybe that can be your talent at the _next_ talent show.”

“Only if you sing with me again,” he said with a grin. “All right, I gotta go, Sunshine, there’s a couple things I need to grade and some other stuff to do. I’ll pretend that I have no idea you might show up here.”

“Good, do that. Enjoy the anticipation,” she said with a wink, laughing. After a moment, she blew him a kiss. “Bye, Varric. Love you, miss you.”

“Love you too. Work on your aim.”

“Miss you less now,” she said, then laughed. “Kidding, still miss you the same amount, you snarky thing. Talk soon.”

* * *

Friday came much too quickly for Varric’s liking. Word got around the school - as it always did - that he had the procedure pending, and he was gratified by the notes and cards which were piled on his chair the morning of the event. “Eh, those kids are all right,” he joked to Hawke, who sat down beside him.

They really are,” she agreed, picking up one of the cards with a smile. “I think we’ll keep them. So how are you feeling?”

“Starving, for one thing.” The strict instructions from the dentist were that Varric could not eat or drink anything for eight hours before the procedure, not even water. “Also not thrilled about going under a knife, even if it is just in my mouth,” he admitted. “Can’t drink for a week or so until the incisions heal, either. How can I play cards if I can’t drink?”

“So you either don’t play cards or you play cards sober? That’s rough stuff, my sympathies,” she said, patting his shoulder. “Oh, well. At least it’s just a week. Could be worse.”

“Yeah, I know. So is Sunshine coming or what? Not that I don’t enjoy _your_ company,” he added, putting his head on her shoulder and rolling his eyes.

“Mmhmm, sure, I get it. I see how I rate,” she teased. “Anyway, I’m not telling you a thing. You’ll just have to wait and see... when you’re lucid again, that is.” She laughed.

“My best friend, ladies and gentlemen!” He laughed too, however. “Whatever happens, take care of Bianca for me.”

She grinned. “I’ll protect her with my life, cross my heart. Not that I’ll need to - everything will go off without a hitch.”

“I know, but it’s good to know these things are handled. Like I told these guys during the Venatori invasion, my will’s in my safe deposit box. Half my money goes to the school, you and Sunshine get everything else. I think I even wrote in a codicil which dictates the dog gets a leg of mutton every week, but it’s been a while so I could have just dreamed that.” He chuckled. “I’ll be fine, Hawke. I’ve just got a sick sense of humor, you know that better than anyone.”

“Don’t I just,” she said with a tiny grin. “Eh, the gallows humor is what keeps us sane.”

“Must have something to do with living near the Gallows,” he deadpanned. “Well, hope you’ve charged your phone. I bet I’m even funnier than usual when I’m coming off the drugs.”

“The bar hasn’t been set very high, Varric, so I think we’ll be fine.” She smirked.

“That’s _cold_ , Hawke,” he protested.

“You’re right, you’re right - I should be nicer to you, you’re going in for surgery. But that would just be bizarre.”

“Remind me why you’re my best friend?”

“My winning personality? My immense charm? The fact that I have a beautiful and spectacular sister?” she said teasingly.

“Hmm. Guess I can’t argue with any of those,” he conceded. “All right, you finish breakfast and I’ll say my goodbyes. Gonna milk this for all it’s worth, you know.”

“If they’re not crying by the time you leave, I’ll be floored.”

“Ooh, challenge!” He grinned. “Have the staff meet me by the car; I gotta brush my teeth.”

“You got it. Let the Skyhold floodgates open.” She laughed.

* * *

Half an hour later, Varric had scrubbed his teeth to within an inch of their lives (so to speak) and made his way down to where his friends were waiting to wish him luck in the surgery. “I’m not a man of many words,” he began.

“Liar,” said Blackwall.

“Ahem. As I was saying... I don’t know what’s about to happen, guys. I’ve never been treated with this kind of drug - there’s a chance of an allergic reaction. There’s actually a risk of them putting me under and me never coming out again.” He gave a little sigh. “So I didn’t want to take the risk of leaving without making sure you all know how I feel about you, in case I don’t come home.”

“This is going to be _good_ ,” Hawke said to herself with a grin, shaking her head.

Dorian lifted an eyebrow. “Oh, no, here comes the chat about our feelings.”

“Sparkler... I’ve always given you a hard time. I mock your wardrobe, your bombastic singing, and the fact that you’re the only guy in Skyhold who spends more time on his hair than Curly does.” Varric directed a vaguely doe-eyed expression in Dorian’s direction. “And you deserve every last bit of torture I give you. But somewhere deep down... real, real deep down... I respect the person you are and the fact that you’re not afraid to be yourself no matter who’s watching. That’s a rare gift. Treasure it.”

“That... that might have been the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me. You must really be worried.” He smiled slightly, and gave a tiny shrug as if conceding. “I suppose you’re not terrible yourself. I _suppose_.”

“You’re all heart,” Varric deadpanned. He turned to Leliana. “Songbird... there’s no one like you in the whole of Thedas. I mean, I haven’t gone looking, so I could be wrong, but I kind of doubt it. You open the doors to everybody who needs a place to go and you put up with all the nonsense we bring with us no matter how ridiculous it gets. In a real sense, you’re the reason that Skyhold is what it is. You might never get the thanks you deserve, really, but I hope you know that we all feel that way.”

She smiled warmly at him, and inclined her head in thanks. “Thank you, Varric. You’re a large part of the heart of this school.”

He went on and on like this, his voice and expression completely serious and sincere, going around the entire staff and letting them each know how much he cared for and appreciated them. Hawke was practically gnawing on the inside of her cheek to keep a straight face. He finished up with Cullen and Evvy, remarking on how glad he was to see them still so happy and in love even after more than a year of marriage.

“Kiss the kid for me, and tell her that Uncle Varric has gained a new appreciation for small people as a result of knowing her,” he concluded. “Well. I guess that’s about it... I’d better get going before I’m late.”

“Good luck, Varric. We’ll all be thinking of you,” Cullen assured him, giving the writing teacher’s shoulder a pat.

“I’ll have him back to snark everyone before you know it,” Hawke chuckled, opening the car door.

Evvy kissed Varric’s cheek. “We love you, you old rascal,” she murmured. “We’ll see you tonight.” No one was crying, _precisely_ , but there was a lot more emotion on their faces than there had been when he’d started his loving diatribe.

“Yeah, yeah. Go on, Siren.” He smiled at her and got into the car, waving as Hawke pulled away. They all waved after him.

“Do you really think he’s worried?” Josephine wondered, a little tremulously.

“Knowing Varric? Yes.” Cullen nodded. “I think that whole thing was very genuine, as much as he might joke.”

“I had no idea he felt like that,” Blackwall mused. “I’ve never seen him so… honest. It was almost scary.”

“What do we do now?” Evvy asked.

“Well, I’m speaking only for myself, but I think I might go speak to Andraste for a bit,” Cass admitted. “Although if any of you tell Varric I said that, I’ll deny it viciously.”

Everyone chuckled a little. “He’s only getting some teeth removed, why are we so worked up?” It wasn’t clear who said it.

“Because it’s Varric,” said Bull. “And he’s a short, overdramatic pain in the ass... but he’s _our_ short, overdramatic pain in the ass.”

* * *

The short, overdramatic pain in the ass was careful to wait until he and Hawke were outside the gates of Skyhold before he burst out laughing. “ _Did you see their faces_?”

Hawke practically howled. “If you’d kept that up much longer, someone _would_ have been crying,” she managed. After a few minutes they calmed down, and she eyed him sideways. “You meant every damn word you said, didn’t you?”

“Maybe.” He gazed out of the window as they drove. “Maybe I did.”

“You old softy.”

“Oh, you’re just jealous because I didn’t talk about you.”

“You’re right, I am. I’d better get my own little speech after you get home from this.”

* * *

Several hours later, Hawke returned to Skyhold and almost collapsed on the staff table. Her shoulders were heaving, her face buried in her arms, and for a moment or two she couldn’t speak or look at anyone.

After a moment, it was Cullen who broke the silence. “Are you all right, Marian?” There was concern in his tone. “I know how hard this must be…”

She raised her head slowly and they could see the tears pouring down her face. “No... no,” she managed finally. “Varric’s... fine. But he...” She lost it again, and only then did they realize that she was laughing hysterically.

“All right, I’m out,” Dorian said, holding up his hands. “This is why I make it a point to not feel things for people. Goodbye.”

Cass looked a mixture of shocked and indignant; Cullen merely started laughing as well. Hawke gradually managed to calm herself. “Varric’s fine,” she repeated. “He came through the surgery, he’s recovering. But he... well... you know how the drugs can make some people really... loopy?”

“Yes. Did he...?” A slow smile spread across Cassandra’s face. “Oh, he was worried he was going to say something strange. What happened?”

“Well, Bethany’s plane landed while Varric was in surgery,” Hawke said, “and she got a cab from the airport to the oral surgeon’s office. So she was there when Varric started coming around, and…” She giggled again. “You really have to see it to believe it.” She pulled out her phone and turned up the volume, then pulled up a video in her photo folder.

* * *

_Varric lay on a stretcher, slowly starting to wake up. He was grumbling. “M’mouth’s sore,” he whined. “S’no fun…”_

_Bethany sat next to him and kept glancing at Hawke and giggling. “Hey, you. How do you feel?”_

“ _I unno, ask me when I get here.” His head flopped to one side and he studied her for a minute, his eyes widening. “Who’re you?”_

_Bethany had been prepared for this question, and smiled slightly. “I’m Bethany. You might know me better as Sunshine, though.”_

“ _Sunshine,” he slurred softly. “You’re... you are... the most **beautiful** thing I’ve ever seen.”_

_Bethany glanced so directly into the camera it looked almost as though she was breaking the fourth wall as she grinned. “Why, thank you. You’re not half bad yourself,” she replied._

“ _Psh.” He gave her the most ridiculous grin possible, given that his mouth was packed with gauze. “So... wh’re you doin’ here? You a... a model or somefin? A film star?”_

“ _No, no, neither of those. I’m actually your girlfriend.”_

_If Varric’s eyes grew any wider, they ran the risk of falling out of his head. “You’re here t’ see **me**?”_

“ _Mmhmm.” She nodded, trying to stifle her laughter with her hands. After a second, she recovered. “Of course I am. I had to make sure you were all right, after all.”_

“ _Andraste’s flaming knicker-weasels,” he stammered. “I’m bein’ visited by a... by a... whaddyacallit. Actual Disney princess. Do, like, birds land on your shoulders ‘n stuff when you sing?”_

_The phone on which the video was being taken shook slightly, evidently because Hawke was laughing too hard to keep it steady. Bethany was doing her utmost to not join in. “Not lately, no. But you’re a pretty big fan of it, so I do have that.”_

“ _Uh-huh.” No one, not even Bethany herself, had ever heard him use such a dreamy tone. “Bet I am. I gotta be careful... Maker might decide He needs a new bride w’ you aroun’.” His expression was somehow even more dopey than it had been previously. “Marry me?”_

_Bethany’s mouth briefly dropped open and she glanced at Hawke with a surprised grin. There was a brief thumping noise as the elder Hawke sister stomped a few times in her hysterics. “Wait, what? What was that now?” Bethany finally managed, turning back to Varric._

“ _Gotta snap you up... ‘fore someone else does,” he explained groggily. “Guy who... gets you? Luckiest... guy alive... marry me.”_

_She giggled a bit at the compliment, a hand over her mouth. After a moment, she fought very hard to curb her laughter and looked at him with a serious expression. “All right, yes, I accept. But I want a small wedding, maybe in the fall... hm... possibly in the park. You like the park, right?”_

“ ** _Yes_** _!” He lifted both fists haphazardly, attempting to punch the air. “Aw yeah... y’hear that worl’? I’m gettin’ marrieeeeeed... whatever you say, baby... park it is.”_

_Off screen, Hawke was nearly weeping because she was laughing so hard, and Bethany had both hands over her mouth in a valiant attempt to not burst into a fit of mad chortling. Her cheeks had gone a bit red - whether thanks to the effort to contain her laughter or in a genuine blush, it was hard to tell. “Fantastic,” she said at last, still milking it. “I’m not going to wear white though, that’s so archaic. I’m thinking gold, maybe gold. Oh, and we’ll sing together, you and I. Is that okay?”_

“ _Mmhmm.” He was almost like a little kid in his giddiness. “Anything... you want... I jus’ met you an’ I love you…”_

“ _Aww, love you too, doll.” She smiled and batted her eyelashes a bit. “You’re fantastic, it’s going to be a great wedding.”_

* * *

“Make it stop,” Blackwall begged. He had his head down on the table and, like Hawke when she arrived, was shaking with mirth.

“That was one of the most adorably insane things I’ve ever seen,” Josie managed. She and Evvy were both crying from laughter.

Dorian had nearly sunk to his knees and was gripping Bull’s arm for support. “Hawke. Hawke, send me that _immediately_. I told Varric I was going to get him back for all those musical numbers but this is even better.” He cackled and straightened himself back out, gesturing dramatically. “I can see it now, my students’ first music class assignment - pick out the music for Bethany and Varric’s wedding in the park.”

“Dorian!” Evvy protested, wiping her eyes. “You can’t seriously plan his wedding, he doesn’t know what he said! Where is he now, Hawke?”

“We brought him back and he’s tucked into his bed. Bethany’s sitting with him.” She paused, and snickered. “I stopped on the way and bought her a bridal magazine, I think she’s picking out a gown.”

“Aha! See? I _do_ need to get started on those plans,” Dorian teased, laughing all over again.

From his place next to Evvy, Cullen had his mouth covered with both hands as he laughed. “Oh, Varric is not going to be happy when he finds out about this.”

“It’s a bit like the story the kids wrote about us, except they’re accidentally engaged - not accidentally married,” Evvy mused. “I think he’s just going to be mad at himself for... well, for beating himself to the punch.” She giggled again.

There was a general ripple of laughter at that. “You know,” Dorian said at last, smirking, “I’ve heard the phrase _from wine, truth_ , but it seems the same might be true for oral sedation...”

“Poor guy.” Leliana shook her head, chuckling. “But he’s really all right? He had us all a little worried when he left.”

“He’s fine, I promise.” Hawke smiled. “You know, he really meant all those things he said to all of you. He’d probably deny it if you asked him, but he was being sincere. I mean, he was also being a troll, because he’s Varric, but a sincere troll.”

“Ugh, that man,” Cass groaned. But after a moment, she smiled. “But we’re all very glad he’s all right. Truly.”

“And now the fun begins,” said Solas.


	2. Sequins and Queen Songs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric finds out just what happened while he was delirious. Now he has a decision to make. What he decides... well, it's probably not what anyone is expecting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're so delighted with the reactions to this story! Don't forget to check out the series page at TV Tropes - there's all kinds of delightful tidbits to be gleaned from there.

* * *

  **Chapter Two: Sequins and Queen Songs**

* * *

 

In his room, Varric was coming around properly. “Ugh. Did anybody get the license number of that truck?” he mumbled.

From her seat, Bethany immediately looked up. “Hey, there he is.” She smiled, leaning forward. “I would ask how you’re feeling, but based on that truck analogy, I think I can put the pieces together.”

“Mm. Yeah, but my Sunshine’s here.” He held out an arm to her. “That’s the best medicine.”

“Good, I’m so glad to hear that,” she said, taking his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I wouldn’t miss being here for the whole world.”

“Mm,” he said again. “C’mere.” He tugged at her gently, trying to get her to lie next to him.

She abandoned her seat and did so, positioning herself carefully so she wouldn’t accidentally lean against or touch his cheeks. After a moment, she was delicately curled with her head against his chest. “How’s that? Better?”

“Perfect.” He wrapped his arms around her. “Got everything I need right here.”

“Well, good.” She snuggled against him and was silent for several moments. Then, at last, she ventured asking. “So, uh... that was a pretty powerful sedative they had you under. Are you still feeling it at all?”

“Lil groggy. I’ll be okay, Sunshine, don’t worry.” He had no idea what she was really asking.

“And you, uh... you don’t remember anything that happened after the surgery, do you? While you were still a little, you know, out of it?”

“Hmm...” He thought a little. “No... don’t think so. Why?”

“Well, you sort of said some things.” She gave him a sheepish grin. “At first you didn’t know who I was at all - which I kind of expected. You actually thought I was a model or a movie star or a Disney princess.” She giggled a bit. “Asked me if birds came when I sang and everything.”

He chuckled. “Well, that doesn’t sound too awful. Surprised more people don’t ask you stuff like that.”

“Flatterer,” she said, but gnawed her lip. “There is… more, actually. For a start, you were pretty stoked to find out I was actually your girlfriend. And then you kinda... might have... asked me to marry you.”

“Well, I... wait, _what_?” He was fully coherent now. “What... what did you say? What did I say?”

“I sort of half planned our wedding,” she confessed, giving him an innocent little shrug. “And you were very excited. I mean, _very_ excited.”

“I see.” He wasn’t quite sure what to say about that. A very long pause ensued, and suddenly he said, “Oh... oh, no. Sunshine... what was your sister doing when all this was going on?”

“Probably exactly what you think she was doing,” she said, flashing an apologetic smile. “It’s on her phone and I think she may have played it for the staff already.”

He groaned. “You know what that means, right?”

“No. What?”

“Sparkler’s probably planning our wedding as we speak. It’ll be a hemorrhage of sequins and Queen songs.”

She burst out laughing at that. “As long as the sequins are gold, that sounds perfect,” she managed at last. She then paused, repositioning her head so she could glance up at him. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you or anything, you know. It was just too good to pass up.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he assured her. “I’m the one who was doped out of my mind. Not that, y’know, I need to be stoned to want to spend the rest of my life with you. Just so we’re clear.”

“Oh, well, good.” She smiled broadly. “Because if-slash-when you do decide to propose, I would much rather it be completely one hundred percent you - not just one very whacked out part of you.”

“Duly noted, Sunshine, duly noted.”

* * *

The truth was that Varric was feeling a little guilty about it. Had he gotten her hopes up somehow? She didn’t seem like she was insulted by the drug-induced proposal. He wasn’t quite sure where to go from here, because now he found himself wondering if it was a good idea.

He stayed in his room for most of the weekend, napping intermittently and eating Jell-o and listening to Bethany read while he waited for the swelling to go down. Judicious application of ice packs and painkillers, along with the prescribed antibiotics, had him soon on the mend. The presence of his beloved Sunshine helped too, of course, but she had to head back to Kirkwall before the weekend was over. With some trepidation, he finally entered the staff lounge on Sunday night. “Uh. Hey.”

“Ah, there he is.” It was Cass who spoke, glancing up from the book she was reading. “There’s the man who deliberately tried to make us all cry before he left the school.”

“And then did make us cry upon his return, but for an entirely different reason,” Dorian added, grinning.

“So much has changed in a very short time,” Bull rumbled. “We were pretty shocked to hear that congratulations are in order.”

“We saw the video, of course,” Josie added.

“Actually, I’m glad you’re here,” Dorian continued to tease, pulling out a notepad and a pen. “I wanted to ask you - Bethany said she wanted a small wedding, so right now I have the Skyhold teachers and your associates in Kirkwall. Anyone I’m forgetting?”

“Oh! His editor,” said Leliana helpfully.

“And the Prince of Starkhaven,” Solas offered.

Varric didn’t say a word. He just sort of looked from one grinning face to the next, feeling like he’d walked into some kind of gauntlet or inquisition. It was not something he could handle, he quickly realized, feeling a headache starting to form. He turned around and walked straight out again.

“Well, that could have gone better.” It was Cullen who spoke, glancing around and folding his arms. “Maybe I should go talk to him. If anyone knows what it’s like to have their romance very publicly on display, it’s me.”

“We were only having a bit of fun,” Bull objected. “You know, like he always has with everyone.”

“Yes, like he’s had with _you_ in particular,” Dorian pointed out. “He wrote an actual saga about your love life.”

“You don’t need to remind me. Still, maybe that was a bit too much too soon,” Cullen countered.

“It’s not like Varric to be that sensitive, though,” said Blackwall, frowning. “He’s usually thicker-skinned than that.”

“True. I wonder what’s going on,” Cass mused. “Bethany knew he was not himself, she wouldn’t hold him to that. And I doubt she’d be upset with him when he didn’t _want_ to be held to it. And he of course would never be mad at her. So...” She gave a little shrug of confusion.

“Go find him, Cullen,” said his wife. She was in the corner giving Skye a bottle, and had observed the whole thing in silence.

“Of course.” He nodded, crossed over to kiss both wife and daughter, and then departed the staff room in search of the wayward writing teacher.

* * *

Hawke had left to take Bethany to the airport; that knowledge wasn’t helping Varric very much. A thousand miles, a million years, and so on. He found himself, after several minutes, in his office staring at a sheet of paper in Bianca’s rolls. He wasn’t angry, he wasn’t upset; he wasn’t entirely any one thing or another.

Perhaps a minute or so later, there was a knock on his office door. “Varric, it’s Cullen. Mind if I come in?”

“Door’s open.”

Cullen entered and closed the door behind him, giving Varric a sympathetic sort of smile as he crossed the room. “So, uh, how are you feeling? Any better? Physically, I mean.”

“Mouth’s a bit less crowded. That one stupid tooth actually grew in sideways, it was annoying as hell. Glad it’s gone.”

“I should imagine so.” He sat down in the chair opposite the desk. “And how about the rest of it? The, erm... the video and everything? They didn’t really mean any harm downstairs just now, they’re just... well, you know how it is.”

“I know. I’m not mad, Curly. I just... wasn’t ready.” He played his fingertips over the keys of the typewriter. “I should have expected it but I wasn’t quite there.”

“I understand completely. Our colleagues are like a second family to me, but get them all in one room together and sometimes they’re like sharks that smell blood.” He smiled slightly, then pointed to himself. “So if anyone understands that feeling, it’s the unicorn of Skyhold, believe me.”

“Yeah, I guess you would.” It wasn’t quite a smile on Varric’s face, but he was trying. “I guess karma bit me in the ass pretty hard.”

“Maybe. But there are certainly worse forms of punishment.” He chuckled, then sobered. “Are you all right?”

“Honestly? I don’t know what I am,” Varric said thoughtfully. “Pissed at myself in a way. I mean, obviously I didn’t have control over what I did while I was getting off the sedative, but... I didn’t expect I’d do that.”

Cullen nodded slightly, absorbing this. “All right, I’m going to ask you an incredibly stupid question - you and Bethany talked about the video, right?”

“A little, mostly in the vein of her asking me if I remembered saying that stuff. _She’s_ not the problem,” he added. “She’s fine with the whole thing.”

“Oh, good. I mean, we all figured she would be, but it’s still a relief to hear you confirm that.” He nodded again. “I imagine it’s strange to picture yourself saying those things, though.”

“Yeah. I haven’t actually seen the video - I’m not sure I _want_ to see it - but she told me the basics of what I was saying. I guess it’s funny. But the whole thing is kinda driving me nuts and I can’t even figure out why.”

“I’ve been there. We’re our own worst enemies sometimes.” He shrugged. “And the ‘why’ sometimes isn’t as important as the fact that it’s what you’re feeling. You’re entitled to that.”

“Eugh. Feelings.” He smiled briefly, but grew sober again. “She told me she wasn’t holding me to it, because ‘if and when’ I ask her she wants me to actually know what I’m doing.”

“Seems fair enough. She sounds open to it, but doesn’t seem like she’s rushing into anything.”

“Yeah. So now I get to figure out what to do next, I guess.” He knotted his fingers and propped his elbows on the desk. “When did all this become, I dunno, real?”

“I think it has been for a while, Varric. But if my experience is anything to go by, no matter how real it is, its reality will always be a source of continual surprise.” Cullen chuckled slightly.

“Guess you’re the expert.” He sighed. “All I wanted was to get my stupid wisdom teeth removed. Now I’m thinking about... this.”

Cullen lifted an eyebrow. “Are you really? Well, a copper for your thoughts.”

“How’s it gonna look if I ask her after this? I don’t want her thinking that I’m doing anything just because I was babbling while on drugs. But...” He left that hanging in the air. “Like I said. Eugh, feelings.”

Cullen found himself thinking of the school talent show and the look on Varric’s face when he overheard some of the students remark that he and Bethany should just get married already. “Well, she doesn’t seem to mind waiting, so maybe you should wait a bit. And trust me, I know, that’s easier said than done. When I proposed to Evvy, I forced myself to wait a bit after that horrible Venatori business...” He paused to shudder briefly. “...I wanted to make sure she was feeling completely healthy and that she knew I wasn’t rushing into it just because of what had happened. But the waiting was torture. Worth it, though.”

“Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.” Trying to lighten the mood, he added, “Besides, I have to get big sister’s blessing first, and I’m sure she’ll want to beat me up for a little while before she gives it. So that’s a good reason to put it off for a couple years. I’ve witnessed enough beatings firsthand to know that the Champion’s fist in your face is not much fun.”

“Well, there's something to keep in mind - if you ever need more dental work done, you can just have Marian take care of it with one good punch,” Cullen teased, giving Varric a tiny grin.

“There is that.” He smiled a little. “Ah, I should look on the bright side. If this is the worst problem I’ve got these days, I’m a damn lucky guy.”

“That’s the spirit. Besides, I’m almost certain you’ll come up with a creative way to make everyone pay. Just spare my wife - she’s completely innocent,” he said with a chuckle.

“Curly, give me a little credit. It’s not like my creative vengeance is ever painful.” Varric smirked a bit. “Rest assured that if it were, I’d be certain to spare the mother of the sky.” He laughed. “Hey, your kid needs a nickname.”

Cullen laughed as well. “Cole likes to call her ‘the cloud’ - it fits with his sunlight, rain, and rainbow analogy.” He beamed a little. “As for whatever you might call her, she doesn't really have enough hair to determine whether or not you can call her curly-something like the rest of my family.”

“Curly-cloud,” Varric offered. “Pretty sure I can work with that. When she has more of a personality I’ll assign her something permanent. So what’s it like being a dad, anyway? Having a baby has to be different from having a teenager.”

“It's definitely different - different from _everything_. And it makes me long for the days when I could have caffeine,” he said with a chuckle, but the broad smile on his face was one of unmistakable pride. “But it's incredible. And she's incredible. Watching how she's beginning to interact with the world around her and how genuinely curious she is about everything is so rewarding.”

“Gotta admit, you make it look like fun. You should probably stop that or everybody’s gonna want one and then we’ll need a nursery school here.”

“Well, it's not terribly fun at three in the morning when she's crying and I can't for the life of me figure out why.” Cullen laughed again. “But other than that, I would recommend it in a heartbeat.”

“Don’t tempt me.” Varric smiled, trying not to look like he was serious. The problem was that he _was_ serious, and had probably never been so serious in his entire life; it was jarring. He was approaching forty and these things were starting to seem a little more important. The fact that Bethany probably also wanted them didn’t help - but didn’t hurt either. “To get back to your original purpose in coming here... I’m fine, Curly. Really. I’m just a little shaken, I guess.”

“Of course. I think I would be too in your situation. Do you want me to tell everyone to keep the snark to a minimum?”

“Nah. I don’t want them to explode. But if you can convince them to stop planning the wedding at least until after I get the poor girl a ring, that’d be great.”

“That I can do,” he promised with a grin. “Although you do know that if and when you do propose to Bethany, Dorian _will_ insist on planning your wedding, don’t you?”

“Curly, you’ve just inspired me to elope,” Varric replied dryly. “Shit, maybe that’s exactly what I should do.” He grinned. “I’ll go home to Kirkwall one weekend, come back like everything’s normal, and just drop a bomb in the staff room that night. ‘So, Varric, what did you do in Kirkwall this weekend?’ ‘Oh, played some Diamondback at the Hanged Man, had some drinks, got married. Nothing major.’ It’d be worth it for the looks on their faces.”

Cullen laughed. “Well, I guess I’ll have to start working on my surprised face now, so I can look convincingly shocked when this happens.”

“You work on that, and I’ll work on my running so I can get clear of Hawke’s rage,” Varric joked. “Do I even want to know what she thinks about everyone’s amusement, here?”

“I think she’s probably quite enjoying it, seeing as she was sort of the ringleader. But I’m sure that doesn’t surprise you even slightly.”

“Not really, no. Do me a favor and ask her to come up here when she gets back, okay?”

“Certainly.” He rose from his chair and placed a hand on Varric’s shoulder. “We really are very glad you’re back and doing all right, Varric.”

“Thanks, kid. I really _was_ a little freaked out about it,” he admitted. “And that damn tooth fairy didn’t even bring me anything!”

Cullen snickered. “Technically, she owes you twice. I’d start charging interest if I were you.”

“Three times, actually. I had three wisdom teeth removed - the only reason they didn’t do all four is because I had the fourth one removed ages ago. I was getting a root canal and the dentist said ‘hey, as long as you’re numb anyway, let’s pull this sucker.’ It wasn’t impacted like the bottom two.”

“Maker’s breath, better you than me,” Cullen said, gritting his own teeth. “All right, then, I’ll leave you to it and report back. Will we see you at dinner?”

“Can’t really chew much yet. I’ll probably just get them to bring me some broth and soft bread,” he replied grimly. “Andraste’s ass, I miss whiskey. How can I be Skye's whiskey uncle without it?”

“It’s just for a bit. At least it’s not forever.”

“Yeah, I’m not married to the situation.” Varric smirked.

* * *

He was plugging away at Bianca a little while later when Hawke knocked on his door. “Ah, there you are. Sunshine take off all right?”

“Mmhmm. She’s on her way back to Metropolis.” She sat down. “How about you? How you holding up?”

“Well, I’ve felt better physically, but I’ll survive.” He leveled her with a steely kind of stare. “Meanwhile, I’ve got _Sparkler planning my wedding_ and I’m not exactly enthused about sequins.”

Hawke gave a little bark of laughter. “But you told Bethany she could have anything she wanted as long as you two were getting married - if she signs off on this sequin plan, are you really going to deny her that?”

“Hawke. You know damn well I was out of my head.”

“And you know damn well that doesn’t make it any less _hysterical_.” She snickered again, then paused. “But yes, I do know you were out of your head, I get it.”

“Look, I can’t blame you for showing them the video. I’m sure it was hilarious and if our situations were reversed I’d probably have done the same thing.” He sighed. “I’m only twitchy because I’m _always_ twitchy when it comes to your sister.”

“I know. But you know she’s fine with it - she thought it was cute. She was actually pretty flattered by the whole thing too, even if you were high as a kite when you said that stuff. She’s not booking wedding venues as we speak or anything like that, I swear it.”

“Oh, I know. We talked about it before she left.” He fidgeted. “Look, this is about to get weird and I don’t have any alcohol to make it less weird... but what do you think I should do?”

“Well... keep it in the back of your head. Or, maybe somewhere around the middle of your head instead,” Hawke said slowly. “She’s enjoying this a lot, Varric, and I know you are too. So... keep doing what you’re doing. But I’d bet my last silver and then some that she’d be more than happy to spend the rest of her life with you. That’s just something to keep in mind, you know?”

He was silent for a long moment. “There’s a reason it popped out while I was drugged, you realize,” he said finally. “I’ve _been_ keeping it in mind. And trying to decide what the hell to do about it. Yes, I’m happy. She’s happy, as far as I can tell. And you know I’d do literally anything to ensure that she’s happy - either of you, for that matter. But I think this... I can’t even quite explain it, but I almost feel like it’s asking too much of her. You know happiness and I don’t get along, and this has been so good for such an extended period of time that I’m getting suspicious.”

“Do I need to call her when she lands and have her sing you more ABBA songs to convince you?” Hawke asked with a little smile. She studied Varric for a moment, shaking her head fondly. “You’ve both been through hell, Varric - this whole family has - so I don’t blame you for being a tad suspicious of happiness. But if you doubt happiness for too long, you’re going to miss it.”

“It’s occurred to me. But great ancestors, Hawke, there are still mornings when the first thing that comes into my head when I wake up is _what is she doing with me?_ I feel old in general, being around all these kids all the time, but being with Sunshine makes me feel old and a little...” He gestured aimlessly, trying to find a word.

She raised an eyebrow slightly and gave him a vaguely understanding, vaguely incredulous smile. “She’s not a kid, Varric, she’s almost thirty,” she said, not unkindly. “And she’s been in love with you for years, even if it somehow managed to escape your notice for a long time.”

“Yeah, her fatal flaw is her taste in men. But seriously, look at her from my point of view, Hawke. That girl is the absolute most normal and well-adjusted person I’ve ever known. I mean,” he added hastily, “you’re ten kinds of amazing but you’re not exactly _normal._ Neither am I. Everything I know about how real families work, I learned from the two of you. Compare your sister to the dysfunction I’ve known all my life.” He chuckled slightly. “She’s a bit intimidating, you know. Damn near perfect is what she is.”

“It makes sense. Really it does. But ‘well-adjusted’ and ‘perfect’ are two very different things.”

“I know. I’ll get past this, I swear.” He paused, and smirked. “Is this your way of telling me I have your blessing?”

“What do you think?” she said with a laugh, smiling broadly. “Whenever you sort yourself out, you most _definitely_ have my blessing. You’re my best friend, Varric, and you make her smile like nothing I’ve ever seen in her whole life. There’s no one more worthy.”

“Want to hear something scary?” He grinned. “I said something very similar to Broody before you got hitched. Apparently being the closest thing he has to a brother-in-law counts for something; he didn’t ask for my blessing, but we did talk about it a bit. And I said pretty much what you just said - that you’re my best friend, and he makes you smile like nothing else ever has, so for that reason alone I would think he deserved you.”

She started to laugh at that. “Why am I not surprised?” she remarked, grinning back. “But taking into account how happy Fenris and I are, if you gave him a similar speech I just gave you, I think that’s a good omen for the future.”

“Great. So all I really have to do now is figure out how to pull this off without Sparkler’s input,” he joked.

“Yeah, good luck with that. He already has some really great plans,” she said, her tone dripping with mirth.

“I am laying down the law on my wedding. _No sequins._ ”

She held up her hands. “Hey, I’m not the one you need to convince! You need to talk to Dorian and Bethany about that one - yes, in that order.”

Varric laughed. “You know, I...” He paused, trailing off, his eyes slightly unfocused. “Hawke, I just had an idea. How long do you think it would take to get Choirboy and the Kirkwall gang to visit Skyhold?”

“Well... it could take a while to track down Isabela, Sebastian might need a few days... maybe a week or two?” She looked at him with curiosity. “Why, what’re you thinking, Varric?”

“She told me she wants something outdoors and maybe in the fall. I’m thinking the interior courtyard. It’s got the gazebo, it’s pretty, fall will be here in a month or so. What do you think?”

“I think it’s totally crazy and I _love_ it,” she said, clapping her hands together. “And, more importantly, I think Bethany will love it.”

“I haven’t even told you half the plan.” He grinned. “I have something up my sleeve... so I really do need to talk to Sparkler. But first, I’m going to finish this story. I just got inspired for the ending.”

“Well, don’t let me stop you,” she said, grinning from ear to ear as she got to her feet. “But I want to hear about this plan as soon as you’re finished.”

“I’ll need you, Sparkler, and Siren to make it work. And Sunshine, of course. Gonna try to keep everyone else in the dark for a while.” He paused. “Oh. And I have to go see the jeweler in Redcliffe, don’t I?”

“Yup. And hey, you already know what kind of jewelry she likes since you took her along when you picked up the ring for Cullen.” Hawke said with a smirk.

“As I said to her at Curly’s wedding - I am many things, but I flatter myself that _stupid_ isn’t one of them.” He returned her smirk.


	3. No Take-Backs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Dorian plot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I mentioned, this is my favorite story in the series, and what you're about to read is one of my favorite chapters. I wanted to come up with just the right way for Varric to do what he does... and when I had this idea, it was too perfect not to use.

* * *

**Chapter Three: No Take-Backs**

* * *

 

“All right, Sparkler,” said Varric, entering the music teacher’s domain the next day, “I need your help. Much as it pains me to admit.”

“Do my ears deceive me?” Dorian asked, smirking as he closed his book and removed his reading glasses. “Are _you_ saying you need _me_? Well at least the man knows what’s good for him.”

“Let’s get this out of the way before anything else.” Varric put his hands on Dorian’s desk, looking mock serious. “There will be. No. Sequins.”

“All right.” He raised an eyebrow. “Now, what exactly am I barred from bedazzling, pray tell?”

“My wedding.”

Dorian tossed his head back and laughed. When he had finished, he looked back at Varric, noted the writing teacher’s expression, and knitted his brow. “Wait... you’re... you’re serious, aren’t you?”

Varric smirked. “Last weekend of September. You in?”

For several seconds, he was silent, his eyes wide. Then at last he let out a small laugh of surprise. “Sweet Maker,” he drawled. “I... yes, of course I’m in. You’re mad to even ask such a question! _Kaffas_ , I’m _absolutely_ in.”

“Good, because I have some plans and they will require help. I need you, Hawke, and Siren to help me pull it off, but I’d rather keep all the details mostly quiet otherwise.” Varric paused. “Also, and I _really_ can’t believe I’m saying this, but... I gave it a lot of thought. If you’re interested, I thought maybe you could be the best man.”

To say Dorian looked shocked was an understatement. But after a moment, a slow smile spread across his face. “And _I_ can’t believe I’m saying _this_ but… Varric, it would be my honor.”

“Well, we did agree with Siren’s assessment about being each other’s ‘brother I never wanted,’ so it seems appropriate. Since I’m refusing to let you bedazzle the wedding, I’ll let you go a little crazy with the bachelor party. I’m heading home to Kirkwall this weekend to propose - yes, I’m doing this all out of order - but when I get back we’ll have a committee meeting about what I have in mind. There’s kind of a secondary plan at work.” He smirked, folding his arms. “Oh, and did I tell you? I’ve got a new book coming out too. Copies should be here in a couple days.”

The music teacher looked like he was having a bit of troubling processing such a huge influx of information and placed a hand to his forehead, shaking his head. “Well. Well, in that case… I guess I had better get to work on that party.” He paused and laughed again. “Allow me to offer my premature congratulations, Varric. Also, congratulations on somehow managing to give me even less notice than Evvy and Cullen did.”

“It’s going to be a much simpler ceremony than they had, in most respects,” Varric replied. “I considered eloping, but I know the kids would be heartbroken. Sunshine wants something outdoors, so I got permission from Songbird to do it in the inner courtyard, in the gazebo. Should be enough room for everybody. Choirboy’s a lay brother so he can do the honors.”

“Simple?!” Dorian gave him a look of pure exasperation. “Smaller, certainly. Less fanfare, I’ll concede that. But simple? What about the food, the flowers, everyone’s outfits? Maker and Andraste preserve me, why don’t I ever have a pen when I need one?”

“Back it up, Sparkler. I need to see what Bethany thinks - but I know she doesn’t want anything major. Food, sure. Flowers, no problem. Clothing... let’s hold off on that for a bit. See what she says. First I have to make sure this wedding’s actually _happening_.”

“‘Nothing major,’ he says. Any other tasteless demands you wish to make upon my artistry?” He scoffed, rolling his eyes slightly. “And please, I think we all know it’s going to actually happen.”

“I occasionally like to pretend to have a little modesty. And no, just that one. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to pick out an engagement ring and some wedding bands, and try not to be seen by anybody who knows me.”

“Good luck! Try not to be gone too long - I have a tendency to go rogue when left to my own devices, you know.”

* * *

A couple hours later, Varric’s motorcycle could be heard pulling into the school grounds. He waved casually at the Grey Wardens on guard duty, then went to wheel the bike into the garage. His expression was entirely too self-satisfied to be endured.

As soon as he entered the school, Dorian came to intercept him. “That thing is completely impractical, you know,” he said, gesturing in the direction of the garage to reference the motorcycle. “I’m fairly certain the rumbling can be heard as far away as Tevinter. Anyway, is it done? Do you have it?”

“Motorcycles aren’t meant to be _subtle_ , Sparkler,” Varric retorted. “And yes, I got what I need.”

“Well, good. Good. Did you run into any acquaintances?”

“Just the jeweler himself, who had a great laugh. I’m sure I’ll be hearing all about it at the next half dozen meetings of the Merchants’ Guild.” He shrugged. “I knew something of what she likes since she helped me get Curly’s ring for Siren, so I was going to get something similar. Ended up with something completely different.”

“Come with me - I want to see it. No one should be poking around my office, so we shouldn't be bothered.”

“Oh, all right.” Varric trailed after Dorian, truthfully enjoying the whole thing. He’d enjoy it more once the ring was on its intended target, but for the moment, his amusement was still pretty strong.

When they arrived at Dorian's office, he looked around suspiciously like a spy trying to ascertain whether or not he was being followed. He herded Varric in and locked the door. “All right, let's see it.”

“Nothing too fancy,” Varric said idly, handing him a velvet box. Inside was a platinum ring featuring several small diamonds, arranged in an intricate and almost starlike pattern; they formed a tiny sparkling solar system revolving around a central round yellow diamond. “I liked this one because it was sort of like the sun in the middle. She _is_ my Sunshine.”

Dorian picked up the ring and examined it carefully, looking genuinely impressed. “Nothing too fancy? On the contrary, this is gorgeous. You did well, Varric, good job.”

“Your approval is reassuring. The wedding bands are plain platinum, although hers is designed to sort of snug around this. Nesting bands, or whatever they’re called. So that’s one detail down... this is actually a little more nerve-wracking than I ever expected,” he admitted.

“Oh, I imagine it is,” said Dorian, returning the ring to the box and closing it carefully. “But everything is going to be perfectly fine.”

“You and Bull ever think about doing this?”

“Mm, the subject has been brought up on more than one occasion. Maybe once I’m finished planning weddings for the rest of you it will be explored in more detail.” He gave a little shrug. “But we’re not talking about me right now, as much as I do love such an activity. We’re talking about you.”

“I’m honestly not _too_ nervous. Not as much as Curly was,” Varric added. “When I brought him the ring from Kirkwall, he called it the most terrifying piece of jewelry he’d ever seen. I’m not afraid of this thing.”

“Oh, yes, sometimes it’s difficult to remember that Cullen used to be the school’s resident bashful knight, given how he is now. But if he was able to go from escaping unicorn to adoring husband, I have no doubt your transition will be a smooth one.”

“No disrespect intended to our resident fairy tale,” said Varric dryly, “but if I _ever_ start acting like him, please have me smothered with a pillow.”

“Gladly,” Dorian replied, his tone equally dry. “Lovelorn sap is a look few can pull off - Cullen makes it work, but you would absolutely not. I say this with as much affection as I can possibly muster.”

“Accepted in the spirit in which it was intended. You gonna let Bull plan my bachelor party? He did well by Curly.”

“I will begrudgingly admit that Bull didn’t do too bad with Cullen’s party, but _your_ party belongs to me.” He smirked. “You told me I could since I’m not allowed to dress everyone in sequins at the wedding, after all.”

“Oh, that’s right, I did. Okay. I’m willing to put up with whatever you decide to do.” Varric grinned. “Soon as I get back from Kirkwall, we’ll sit down with the ladies and I’ll go over my nefarious plot. I have a feeling you’re going to approve of it.”

“Most likely. I approve of most nefarious plots, after all. I look forward to hearing whatever trick you have up your sleeve.”

* * *

Varric was more nervous than he wanted to admit when he reached the Hawke house the next weekend. Hawke had deliberately remained at the school to give him room to enact the next important stage of his plan; still, he was a little twitchy as he unlocked the door. Duke started growling as the door opened, but instantly quieted when he saw the familiar face, running over to greet him.

“Hey, bud. Where’s the lady of the house?”

Helpfully, Duke led Varric up to Bethany’s room. She was in remission from her illness, but was still on a few medications; these drained her a bit, leading her to take a daily nap. He watched her affectionately for a minute, trying to wrap his mind around what he was going to do. Then a funny idea came to him, and - touching his finger to his lips to remind the dog to be quiet - he pulled the box from his pocket and took out the ring. Stealthily, stifling the urge to laugh, he crept to the bed and carefully slipped the bauble onto her left hand. Creeping out of the room again, he went downstairs and sat down to read the paper, waiting for her to wake up.

He didn’t have too terribly long to wait. About fifteen minutes later, she woke up with a little groan and went to rub the sleep out of her eyes - only to have a mysterious piece of jewelry bump against her face as she did so. She pulled back to look at it in some confusion. “What?” she said aloud, then glanced at Duke, who was sitting by her bedside almost expectantly. “Duke, please tell me I didn’t go sleep-shopping or something. Is QVC the last thing on the television? Guess I’d better go make sure there isn’t a receipt downstairs for thousands of sovereigns... or more mysterious jewelry, Maker forbid.” She chuckled at herself and got out of bed, finger-combing her hair with her unadorned hand as she went down the stairs.

“Ah, there she is,” said Varric idly, maintaining that ‘veneer of calm’ he employed on such occasions. “Sleep well, Sunshine?”

She jumped back slightly at the sound of another voice in the house, but after a moment realized just who the speaker was and started to laugh in delight. “Andraste’s flaming skirts, Varric! What are you doing here?” She crossed over to kiss his cheek.

“Oh, you know me, I’m never where you expect. You feeling all right? Not too tired?”

“I feel just fine - better now that I see I have company,” she said, beaming. “Although I have a bit of a mystery on my hands, quite literally.”

“Hm? Oh, _that_.” He was suddenly very interested in the advice column. “Do you like it?”

“It’s absolutely stunning, I love it. The only problem is I don’t know exactly where it-” She broke off abruptly and looked at the ring, _really_ looked at it. She hadn’t been able to see it completely in the dimness of her room, but now she noted the design, the quality, the shining yellow diamond in the middle, and the finger it adorned. It almost looked like... “Wait. Oh, Maker, wait a minute... is this what I think it is?”

“You said,” he remarked in an excessively casual voice, “that you wanted me to be one hundred percent alert and myself. You never said that _you_ had to be.” He tilted his head back to look at her. “Unless you’d rather not do this.”

She blinked at him, her eyes wide and her mouth open in perfect shock. After a moment, she let out a little laugh, which slowly grew until she was laughing in surprise and joy. “Unless I’d rather not do this?” she repeated, smiling broadly. “Are you kidding me? I...” She paused and, still beaming, put her hands on her hips. “You get down on one knee this instant, Varric Tethras. I want to hear you say this properly.”

“Exhibit A of why I love this woman, she doesn’t tolerate bullshit.” Smirking, he put aside the newspaper and obliged her, kneeling down before her and taking the already-bejeweled hand. “Bethany Hawke, light of my life, sunshine of my universe, are you going to marry me or am I hurting my knee for nothing? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. Please marry me.”

“Okay, you can stop hurting your knee now, I just absolutely needed to hear those words when you were lucid.” She blinked at him again, her eyes slightly moist and her smile impossibly bright. “Oh, _of course_ I’ll marry you. Oh, Maker, will I ever!”

Laughing, he got to his feet and gave her a hug that lifted her off the floor for a moment. “It’s the chest hair, isn’t it? Women can never resist the chest hair.”

“Oh, completely,” she said, managing a serious tone for about two seconds before dissolving into giggles. She embraced him firmly. “Oh, I love you so much.”

“I’ll never understand that, but I’d be an idiot to complain. You really like the ring? I wanted a yellow diamond for my Sunshine, and that setting just… I dunno, as soon as I saw it I had to get it.”

“I _adore_ the ring,” she assured him, holding her hand out to examine it once more. “It’s absolutely perfect. And the fact that you’re the one who put it on my hand means I don’t have a secret spending addiction, so that’s an incredible relief,” she added, laughing.

“Well, good. Now that the first order of business is handled, I have a second question for you. You agreed to marry me - no take-backs, by the way - but how would you like to marry me next month?”

If such a thing was possible, her smile slowly widened. “Varric, I’d marry you _now_ if Duke knew how to officiate,” she said with another laugh. “So next month is extremely doable. You... you sound like you’ve given this a lot of thought.”

“Honey, I’ve been thinking about it for at least a year. It’s just been a matter of getting myself to do it. But ever since I accidentally proposed, I’ve been realizing that I was ready.” He smirked a little. “And then I suddenly concocted a rather ingenious plan... come sit down and I’ll tell you all about it.”

“Well, now I’m even more excited, and I didn’t think that was remotely possible,” she said brightly. “Lead on, my fiancé.”

* * *

“...so what do you think? You willing to do this? We don’t have to do it this way if you don’t want, this day is all about you.” Varric chuckled. “I just thought it would be an intriguing little bonus.”

Bethany had listened to the entire plan with her hands clapped over her mouth, grinning widely. At his question, she immediately nodded. “Oh, no, I’m _definitely_ in. This is beyond perfect.”

He beamed at her. “I had a feeling you’d say yes. Don’t worry, everything else will be what you want. You said you wanted outdoors in autumn - we’ve got the school courtyard for the last weekend in September. Your sister’s already calling Sebastian to ask him to come and do the work. You get whatever dress you want, pretty as you like, spare no expense; I’ve reined in Sparkler and told him no sequins. He agreed in return for being allowed to plan my bachelor party, and I even made him the best man to guarantee further cooperation.” He laughed.

She leaned in and kissed his cheek. “Varric, this is wonderful. It actually sounds even better than I imagined - it’s everything I could have wanted and more. Thank you.”

“Thank _you_. I’m a little scared by how happy I am,” he admitted with a chuckle. “I’m not really used to happiness, I’m never sure what to do with it - it always seems to come back to kick me. But not where you’re concerned.”

“I know what you mean. I haven’t been this happy in…” She paused, tilting her head as if counting or doing mental math. “...well, ever.” She reached out to take both of his hands in her own. “We’ve done our time, Varric. We’ve paid our dues. We completely deserve to be this happy, that’s a fact.”

He looked at her seriously. “I have you; I’m happy. And I’m perfectly content to spend the rest of my life making sure that _you’re_ happy. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it,” he added in a lighter tone.

She laughed and draped her arms over his shoulders. “It’s not too tough where you’re concerned - just be here. That’s enough for me.”

“Work, work, work,” he sighed, and she giggled.


	4. Breaking News

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric shares his big announcement with the rest of Skyhold.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My coauthor and I solemnly swear we are up to no good. All I can say is that if you think this chapter is funny, you're going to love the next one.

* * *

**Chapter Four: Breaking News**

* * *

Varric’s expression was almost too smug to be endured as he walked into the staff lounge on Sunday evening. “Miss me?”

“Well, you’re looking incredibly pleased with yourself,” Cass remarked, quirking an eyebrow in suspicion. “Almost alarmingly so. Should we be concerned?”

“Nah.” Varric poured himself a cup of coffee. “Oh, but you might want to make a note in the calendars on your phones,” he added, moving to his usual seat. “Last Saturday in September. If you don’t have anything else going on that day, I’m getting married.”

For a moment there was complete, almost comical silence. Cassandra nearly dropped her mug as she gaped back at him; there might have been a muffled gasp from Josephine’s corner of the room. The only noise was the confused, slightly indignant cooing of baby Skye, who was wriggling in her father’s lap, probably wondering why he had suddenly frozen as he held her. As if taking his daughter’s cue, Cullen broke the silence further. “Andraste preserve me, Varric, are you really?” He smiled.

“Well, that’s what I’m told. Sunshine’s calling the shots, after all.” He sipped his coffee, trying not to laugh. Their stunned reactions were everything he had hoped they would be. “So if you all want to see me do this without being under the influence of sedatives, make sure you show up early to get a good seat. We’ll be out in the courtyard garden in the gazebo. Should be quite the show.”

“Varric, that’s… that’s incredible!” Josephine cried in delight, coming over to embrace him. “Oh, congratulations!”

“Yes, congratulations,” Cass managed, still looking completely dazed.

“Thank you, thank you. And I would like to point out that I was not drugged when she and I discussed this,” he said, accepting Josephine’s hug. “I also made sure Hawke was okay with it before I did anything else. I suppose she’s on the phone with Bethany right now planning dress shopping or something like that.”

“And you cleared all this with Dorian, I trust?” Leliana said, teasingly.

“Oh, but of course,” Dorian offered from where he sat, looking exceedingly pleased with himself. “But apparently there are still all sorts of plans even I don’t yet know. I’m all aquiver.”

“We’ll get to that. I might even let you help me figure out what I’m wearing. We’ll see.” Varric took another drink of his coffee. “Oh, Curly, where’s the missus? I need to ask her a couple of questions about the decorations and stuff, I have a list from the boss.”

“Yes! Right! She’ll definitely want to hear all about this.” Cullen beamed. “She should be in the apartment, unless she and Cole went for a walk together or something.”

“No rush. I can talk to her tomorrow. Should be a fun meeting, I’m sure Hawke will want to be in it with us.”

“All right, well, let me know if you want me to text her for you,” Cullen offered. “I’d offer to help, but when it comes to wedding planning, I’m completely useless. I just did whatever Evvy and Dorian told me for mine,” he added with a chuckle.

“And look how well that worked out.” Varric lifted his mug and grinned at him.

“I will certainly not argue that point,” he replied, smiling as he kissed Skye's downy head. “Varric, really, huge congratulations - I think I can safely speak for all of us when I say we’re extremely happy for you.”

“Thanks. It’s weird, feeling happy and at the same time reasonably convinced that it’s not going to go away.” He chuckled. “If anyone wants a story, I’m perfectly willing to regale you with the details. But speaking of stories, I should be getting a shipment of books tomorrow - my newest manuscript is in print and I got a copy for each of you. I guess I was feeling a little fuzzy when I wrote it, it’s got a romance subplot.” He gave Cassandra a mischievous nod.

“A romance subplot?” Her eyes immediately widened. “What kind of book is it? Is it a mystery? Action? Is it dramatic or humorous?” She stopped abruptly, glancing around, and cleared her throat, trying to look only vaguely interested. “I mean, that sounds interesting.”

Dorian chuckled quietly. “Anyway, yes, I’m sure we’d all love to hear just how you proposed. I doubt it’s straightforward, since you’re you, of course.”

“To answer the General’s question first, dramatic and humorous at the same time. Sort of like its author.” He smirked. “Now, as to the sordid details of my weekend, when I arrived...” He launched into a merry (and only slightly exaggerated) description of events.

When it came to his fiancée giving him orders about _how_ to propose, he had to pause while the entire lounge erupted in laughter. “I can picture this, actually,” Josie managed.

“Good woman! I’m extremely proud,” Dorian said with a hearty laugh.

“Yes, you and Bethany certainly are well matched,” Cass chortled.

“She keeps me in line. Someone’s got to do it, after all,” Varric replied blithely. “Anyway, I of course obliged milady, and she kept the ring. So here we are.”

“Well, very well done all around,” Cass said warmly. “I know it wasn't always an easy path, but you got here in the end. That's what matters.” She sighed slightly, then more to herself added in a dreamy tone, “It's all very romantic.”

“Glad you approve, General. We were both hoping you’d be front and center for the event,” he said. “We’re planning to invite Lockpick, too, so you’ve already got your date.”

She smiled a bit at that. “I would be happy to be there,” she said, her tone earnest. “Whatever you both want me to do.”

“We may hold you to that.”

* * *

Varric had his mysterious meeting the following day with Dorian, Hawke, and Evvy. They were all somewhat giddy when they emerged from the conference, although it would have been difficult to say exactly why. “I’m going to draw a wedding portrait,” Evvy told her husband, “and they want a nice simple decorating scheme. Would you believe he asked Fairy Godfather to be the best man?”

Cullen chuckled for a moment and pondered that. “I'm both surprised by that and not surprised at all,” he remarked. “You know them - the more they both bluster, the more they both care. They like to pretend they'd deny it to their graves, but they really do like and respect each other a great deal.”

“I had a brief conversation about it with Dorian at the talent show. We basically agreed that I’m the sister he never had, and Varric’s the brother he never wanted. Varric and I agreed that this makes us sort of siblings as well.” She giggled. “However, Dorian is _not_ giving Varric away at the wedding.”

“That's a relief!” he said, laughing. “So what other interesting plans did you all discuss?”

“Hawke’s taking Bethany to buy their outfits - she’s matron of honor, of course. Prince Sebastian’s going to perform the ceremony, and they’re trying to get their old Kirkwall gang together for the occasion. Meanwhile, I’m scheduling a shopping trip with the other ladies of Skyhold so we can all get something new; we’re supposed to try to stick to an autumnal color palette. I guess we’re sort of honorary bridal attendants, since the school staff is Varric’s family.”

“Sounds marvelous. Although I have a feeling Dorian or Varric or perhaps even both of them have something up their sleeve - they both look far too pleased with themselves.” He laughed again.

“I can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a nefarious plot. And if you start asking too many questions, I’ll just have to distract you.”

He grinned. “Oh, is that so? Well, in that case, I may need to ask you all about who, what, when, where, why, and how.”

“My love...” She smirked. “I have something much more interesting to discuss with you... over here.” She started leading him by the necktie.

“Yes, my darling,” he said, allowing himself to be pulled along, smiling as they went. “Whatever you say.”

* * *

“Looks like all systems are go on this end, Sunshine,” Varric reported to the bride via Skype later. “The girls are dress shopping this weekend. General’s dragging her feet about it, of course - it’ll be the first time she’s been in a dress since she was about twelve, apparently.”

Bethany giggled slightly. “Aww, well, tell her that it means a lot to me that she’s even considering it. I’m sure she’ll be very happy with whatever the ladies find for her, though.”

“Let’s hope so. I had Siren get in touch with Mahanon,” he added, “and he’ll definitely be here. He was very excited, may I add, and the prospect of Cassandra in a dress probably doesn’t hurt. How about you, you and big sis figure out when you’re dress hunting?”

“This weekend. I can’t wait.” She smirked a little. “Whatever it is, I know it’s going to be gold and I’m willing to bet you’re going to love it.”

“I’m not exactly a hard sell on that, sweetheart. You can get married in blue jeans if you want and I’ll still be in a daze.” He grinned. “Any requests for my ensemble? You’re the only one who can outvote Sparkler, so give me your directives before we go to the tailor.”

“Anything you want, love - as long as you’re in it at the altar, I’m happy. You can wear the Skyhold red-and-gold number, you can wear a suit, you can show off the chest hair, I don’t mind. Oh, but if the spirit moves you, I won’t say no to any kind of hat if it’s keeping with the look.”

“I wondered if there’d be a hat request,” he admitted, chuckling. “All right, next order of business - what do you want to do about the living arrangements? Do you want to stay there, do you want to come here... how do you want to handle this?”

“Well, you know I want to be with you. That was true even before we started planning all this.” She smiled. “But I think Marian needs to be in on this decision too - after all, the house is kinda hers and I’m not sure how she feels about every member of the Hawke family being at Skyhold at once. Maybe we can sublet it or something.”

“Maybe Aveline and Donnic would be interested.” He nodded. “We’ll talk it over with big sis. Fenris is giving you away, I’m guessing? Duke can be your flower dog.” He chuckled at the image.

She laughed. “He can carry the little basket of flowers in his mouth,” she said, beaming. “Anyway, as for the first question, yeah, it’s Fenris. We all think it’s a nice touch.”

“Sure it is.” Varric softened. “I’m sorry your mom isn’t here for this. I was fond of her, you know. I like to think she would have approved.”

“She would have, Varric. I know she would have.” She gave him a little nod. “And I know you never met Carver or my father, but they would have too. They’ll be watching over us.”

“That’s sweet... and a little creepy,” he teased her. “I’m kidding. I know they will.”

She laughed at that and playfully stuck her tongue out at him. “So with so many people watching over us, you’ll have to be on your best behavior, you know.”

“Sunshine, when am I anything less than a gentleman?” He paused. “Don’t answer that.”

“Well, I don’t speak for everyone else, but you’re always a gentleman to me, darling. It’s just one of the many reasons I’m marrying you in the first place.”

If anyone could see Varric’s face at the moment - apart from Bethany herself, of course - they would have gotten a laugh out of his dopey expression. “I do my best,” he joked feebly. More seriously, he added, “When it comes to you I always try to do my best. You know that? You make me want to be better than I am, and that’s a little frustrating when you have an ego like mine.”

She giggled, but the look in her eyes was soft and full of love. “You’re already excellent - more than I can ever possibly express in words. So don’t you worry too much about trying to be any better.”

“And this may be why my ego is as big as it is.” He winked. “Meanwhile, the book shipment is arriving this afternoon, so I’ll be handing out the signed copies. With any luck, it has the effect we’re hoping it does. I love the smell of plotting in the morning, or whatever time of day it is.”

“Oh, excellent.” She rubbed her hands together. “Marrying you already was going to make that day the best day ever, but this? This will just be gravy. I can’t wait.”

“And you wonder why I call you Sunshine,” he said, for perhaps the hundredth time since they’d met. “All right, I have Siren designing us a nice autumnal invitation and matching program. All I need you to do is call around to the old crew and let them know to watch the mail, and of course boast about getting your hands on the most eligible bachelor in the Free Marches.”

“I think I can do both of those things,” she replied with a grin. “Especially the boasting part.”

“I’ll let you get to it - I’ve got to go make life confusing for everyone around here.” He grinned back at her. “Talk to you soon, sweetheart. Love you.”

“Have fun, keep me posted.” She blew a kiss at the screen. “Love you too.”

* * *

Varric didn’t want a big announcement, although he agreed the students needed advance notice. Once the whole student body returned for the fall term, he gave Leliana the go-ahead to mention it during the breakfast announcements one morning. “Nice and subtle. You know, the opposite of our usual.”

Leliana chuckled and smiled knowingly at him. “Oh, don’t worry, I know just how to handle this.” When it came time for the announcements, she stood and waited as the students fell silent throughout the dining hall. “Welcome back, everyone,” she said, smirking faintly and pulling out the paper on which her announcements were written. “I know you all have some catching up to do with each other, so I won’t take up too much of your time this morning. But we do have a few bits of housekeeping to take care of. Firstly, Professor Pavus would like me to remind you all that if you weren’t here to renew your library cards over the summer, you will need to do that before you check out a book. Special note for the football team, practice will be moved back from four o’clock to five o’clock on Friday. Additionally, Professor Tethras will be getting married in a few weeks, so everyone please dress nicely. Also, there will be pudding tonight with dinner. That is all.”

There was a small rumble of chatter and then a sort of collective pause, as though the words she had spoken were just catching up with the listeners. Varric sipped his coffee, looking almost intolerably self-satisfied. Finally, one student stood up.

“Are... are you serious?” It was Rocky, from the football team. “What you just said... is it true?” His grin was insufferable. “There’s gonna be _pudding_?”

There was a great thundering of laughter at that, then a wave of cheering, and from one corner of the room an earsplitting shriek as Rory stood on her chair and shouted to be heard over the din of her classmates. “Jim! Nessa! We got another one! Another OTP wedding! This is the best school _ever_!”

Varric, who had laughed heartily at Rocky’s clever retort, lifted his mug in the direction of the student authors. “Saturday, September 29th,” he said. “Inner courtyard. I’ll be in the gazebo and, with any luck, some girl in a dress will be showing up. Also, if I don’t get a fanfic as a wedding present, I will be very disappointed, Miss Norbertson.”

She gaped at him for several seconds before speaking again. “Count on it, Professor. I promise, we’ll deliver. Jim, start a Google Doc!” And then she sank back down on her chair, still intoning “Best school ever” as she lunged for her phone.

“Well, I can’t argue,” Varric remarked to his colleagues, sitting back in his chair. “This _is_ the best school ever.”

“It certainly is that,” said Dorian, shaking his head and chuckling as he looked out at the students.

Cullen recovered from several minutes of hearty laughter, wiping his eyes with his napkin. “Something tells me that if Skyhold hosts another wedding in the future, it might just be best to have the students be part of the proposal from the get-go. Cut out the middleman, as it were.”

“You know something, Curly? That’s a fantastic idea.” Varric smirked into his coffee. “All right, so I have a monkey suit to buy… who’s coming along? Besides my best man, obviously.”

“Best man _and_ stylist,” Dorian interjected, holding up a hand. “Get it right.”

Cullen chuckled at that. “I’ll come along if you’ll have me. When one goes shopping with Dorian, I’ve learned it’s always good to have a witness.”

“Let’s all go,” said Solas, of all people. “It’s not every day that our resident author gets married; this is a once in a lifetime event. I’d hate to miss any of it.”

“Okay by me,” said Varric, amused. “Hey, speaking of authorship - General, you finish the new book yet? I’m dying for your opinion.”

Cassandra leaned forward, her eyes bright. “Oh, yes! Just finished it before breakfast actually. It was _beautiful._ ” Under normal circumstances, she probably wouldn’t be giving Varric’s work such a public compliment, but romance always had a way of distracting her. “The surprise wedding was the most romantic thing I’ve ever read in my whole life.”

“Glad you liked it. It was one of my more original ideas, I admit,” he replied. “Sunshine was pretty taken with it too. By the way, I heard a sordid rumor that you’re actually wearing a dress for the wedding. That can’t be true, can it?”

She sat back, making a noise of disgust. “Yes, but only because it’s Bethany’s special day and you both deserve at least that much from me. Also peer pressure. I hope you appreciate just how rare this is.”

“The dress, or the peer pressure?” he joked. “Because peer pressure isn’t rare around here. Seriously, I’m sure Bethany and Lockpick will both appreciate the gesture, for wildly different reasons.”

“I’m sure,” she said, turning a bit pink. Dorian snickered and she leveled him with a glare. “And that’s enough out of you, man with the coat of many colors.”

From his place between the two of them, Cullen tried to hide his grin behind his napkin. Evvy, who had been listening with increasing amusement, could no longer suppress a giggle. “Is that what _you’ll_ be wearing to the wedding, Dorian?”

“Oh, ha ha,” he remarked dryly, pretending to look offended. “Even my own Cinderella turned against me.”

“Nonsense,” she replied soothingly. “You know I would never. I just wanted to be sure I wouldn’t clash with you. There is a reception afterward, Varric?”

“Reception... oh, right, the food and dancing stuff. Yeah, in the main hall. I rented the same karaoke setup we had for your I-dos, it was too much fun not to do it again.”

“Oh, how nice,” Cullen said with a nod. “Are you and Bethany going to sing together? I know that’s something she would really love.”

“Probably. I’ll let her decide what, since I picked what ended up being our last duet. Pretty sure Lockpick plans on singing something for his General too.”

Cassandra tried not to look too terribly interested (and largely failed). Cullen gave her a playful bump with his elbow, neither of them managing to notice how very satisfied Dorian looked at her reaction.

“Well, the invitations went out this morning,” Evvy reported, “so as soon as I get photo confirmation of what you two are wearing, I can get started on that wedding portrait you requested.”

“Bethany said I can wear anything I want,” Varric replied, “but she requested a hat with the ensemble, if possible. I don’t know what it is with her and hats, but I’m willing to indulge her.”

“Not so fast. Your future wife may be willing to let you wear anything under the sun, but I’m not quite so accommodating,” Dorian warned. “I _will_ be keeping an eye on this.”

“I’m counting on that.”

 


	5. It Also Comes In Orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The men go shopping for Varric's tuxedo. Dorian gets queasy; Varric gets inspired.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When we wrote this chapter, I was a little worried about Aurora; she seemed to have a hard time breathing. I'm just gonna reiterate what I said at the beginning of the story - put down your drink before proceeding. I will accept no responsibility for damaged technology.

* * *

**Chapter Five: It Also Comes In Orange**

* * *

Exactly what Varric meant, when he said that he was counting on Dorian to keep an eye on his wedding attire, didn’t become fully clear until the following Saturday. The men of Skyhold gathered in Redcliffe's most reputable (and only) formalwear shop for what the majority of them were pretty sure would be a good show. Varric, his expression full of mischief, was whisked out of sight by an attendant who seemed to be torn between laughing and cringing.

“Any ideas what he’s got up his sleeve?” asked Blackwall.

“Nope,” replied Bull. “But knowing Varric, it’s gonna be memorable. Maybe somebody should be recording this for posterity. Or at least for Hawke.”

The suggestion was offered in practically the nick of time. After several minutes, the bridegroom emerged from the fitting room - clad from head to toe in varying shades of shocking pink. Even the top hat and shoes were glaringly pink. He looked like a mad peony. “So? What do you think?” He leaned on a walking stick which somehow also managed to be pink, watching each of their faces.

Dorian’s eyes widened and he wore a look of barely-concealed pain that suggested even just looking at the outfit was making him queasy. After a moment, he folded his arms over his chest and glared. “No. Go and change.”

“Oh, I don’t know, I think he carries it off well,” Solas offered, smirking.

“A man walks down the street in an outfit like that, you know he’s not afraid of _anything_ ,” Blackwall added.

“I didn’t know you were a _Firefly_ fan, Blackwall.” Bull snickered. “Varric, there are no words.”

“Oh, yes there are,” Dorian said, laughing a mirthless laugh. “Atrocious, horrific, crime against nature. There are others that spring to mind, but how about just this one? _No._ ”

“Fine, fine,” Varric sighed, retreating to the fitting room. “You know, it also comes in orange,” he called.

“ _No_ ,” Dorian shouted back.

They heard a muffled laugh from the attendant, and when the groom next appeared, he was wearing a pair of crisp black jeans and a t-shirt with a tuxedo print. “Better? Budget cuts - I got one for each of you,” he deadpanned. "We can have them tailored to your liking, maybe the girls will want to wear them too."

Everyone snickered except for Dorian who, like an irritated parent, snapped his fingers and pointed in the direction of the fitting room. “Varric Tethras, put that thing back where it came from or so help me...”

“He’s just being economical,” Cullen suggested with an innocent grin. Dorian responded with a glare which seemed to imply that the history teacher was only being spared for the sake of his wife and children.

“You can bedazzle them all you want, Sparkler!” Varric offered. “Sequins, glitter, rhinestones even.”

“First of all, I’m not a twelve-year-old girl, Varric. And secondly, there aren’t enough sequins on the Maker’s earth to fix _that_.”

“All right, all right, I’ll stop poking the poodle,” Varric said, holding up his hands. Privately he was just the littlest bit concerned about his "brother"'s blood pressure; Dorian's face was getting redder by the second. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

Several minutes later he emerged once again, and this time it looked like he was finally taking the matter seriously. The suit he modeled was well-cut in shades of silver-gray, with a pinstriped tie and a pair of soft gray gloves. He popped the matching hat onto his head. “Better?”

“Oh, thank the Maker.” Dorian sighed in relief. He paced a small, slow circle around Varric, his eyes narrowed as he checked to make sure everything seemed just so, stroking his mustache thoughtfully. After several seconds, he nodded. “Yes, I think this will do quite nicely.”

“Sunshine’s dress is gold - which is all I know about it - so I thought it might be kind of cool if I wore silver. I picked this out last week,” he admitted. “I just really like winding you up.”

“I never would have guessed,” Cullen said, grinning.

Dorian merely huffed. “I think I could throw a rock and find a more appreciative crop of friends.” But he smiled. “Although I’m sure they wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining, I’ll give you that.”

“Come on, you have to admit the pink suit was funny,” said Varric. “I have no idea why they even _have_ such a thing, but as soon as I saw it I knew you'd have a fit. I had the attendant take a picture before I took it off, I’m waiting for Sunshine’s reaction.”

“Why would you subject the poor woman to such a monstrosity? Are you so unfeeling?” Dorian asked in mock horror, shaking his head while the other men laughed. “Any evidence of such a thing should be destroyed immediately.”

“ _She_ has a sense of humor about these things.” Abruptly, Varric's phone was heard playing the first five notes of “You Are My Sunshine,” and he looked just faintly embarrassed as he fished it out of his pocket.

“I wonder who that could be?” Solas said, trying not to look too amused. “I presume someone has received that picture and is offering her opinion.”

“The way I figure it, if she sees that and knows it’s not what I’m really getting, anything else is an improvement by default.” Grinning, Varric looked at the display.

 _Are you okay, dear?_ read the message. _Because if you tried that on in front of Dorian, I figure he’s probably chasing you around with a baseball bat as we speak. Should I send someone to save you?_

He threw his head back and laughed. “Dorian, you have my bride fearing for my life.” He passed around the phone.

“No, no, _you_ have her fearing for your life, thanks to your wanton disregard for all things fashionable,” Dorian said with a chuckle. “Incidentally, _had_ a baseball bat been close at hand...” He let the sentence trail off teasingly.

“Like I once said to Bethany, I am many things but I flatter myself that _stupid_ is not one of them. I made sure they removed all blunt objects from the vicinity before we arrived.” Varric smirked. “Now, I know I’m not allowed to see her dress before the wedding, but is she allowed to see my getup? Or must she wait in suspense?”

“As far as I know, there’s no wedding tradition that says anything about the groom’s outfit, so do as you see fit.” Dorian shrugged. “But if you love her at all, I suggest sending her a picture of your outfit post haste to alleviate any fears she might have about you wearing that horrid pink disaster.”

“Fair enough. Here, you do the honors.” Varric handed him the phone, then put on the gloves and struck a pose, one hand on the brim of the top hat and bringing it down to somewhat obscure his eyes. His smirk, however, was visible.

Dorian took a few pictures, shaking his head. “Here you are. Unless I’m very much mistaken, I think she’ll enjoy that immensely.”

“Sunshine’s only obvious flaw is her questionable taste in men. But it’s a flaw I’m willing to exploit,” Varric replied cheerfully, sending the pictures. “It took me a while to get to that point, though.”

“I quite understand,” said Cullen with a laugh. “But even if we can’t explain it, the outcome is certainly worth it.”

“I’m not complaining,” Varric agreed. After a moment, he glanced at his phone, which was silent. “You don’t think she went into cardiac arrest or something, do you?”

“Well, seeing you dressed up so well  _is_ something of a shock, I’ll admit,” said Dorian. “Especially since you managed to pick out the ensemble all on your own. Who would have thought it? Certainly not I.”

A few seconds later, her response came in. _Glorious Andraste, you look AMAZING. And there’s a hat! You managed to find a hat! Have I mentioned lately that you’re the best and I love you?_

For a few seconds, Varric forgot he had an audience and allowed his face to adopt the softer expression he reserved exclusively for Bethany. Then he coughed, rearranging his features into something more sardonic, and stuffed the phone in his pocket. “She approves.”

“I think we could all guess that much based on the look on your face,” Blackwall said, laughing.

“Yeah, well, what are the rest of you wearing? I know the girls picked out dresses in autumn colors, but I’m not dictating your wardrobes. That’s my stylist’s job.”

“Indeed,” said Dorian, and studied each of his colleagues. “I’m seeing black suits, with vests to match the colors of each of the ladies’ dresses. That way we can keep the autumnal palette without going too mad. After all, I would rather die than dress any of you in an orange or yellow suit.”

“Works for me.” Varric nodded. “I’m going to get out of this outfit, meanwhile. You lot poke around and figure out what you need.”

In the changing area, while he could dimly hear Dorian ordering the others around, he wriggled out of his finery and replied to Bethany. _You in gold, me in silver. Sort of a sun and moon thing. Everybody’s going to be looking at you anyway, I’m just window dressing._

_Well, you definitely won’t be window dressing to me. And I really like this sun/moon symmetry. Very poetic. Of course, I expected nothing less from my writer._

His mind instantly started working on an epic saga all their own. _I just figured out what to give you as a wedding gift, Sunshine. Meanwhile, the nefarious plot continues unabated. This will be a day to remember._

_I absolutely cannot wait. I’m almost criminally excited._

* * *

Varric was hard at work almost the instant he got back to Skyhold. “Bianca, sweetie, don’t take this personally,” he told the typewriter. “You’ve always known there was someone else.” He was almost a little feverish to get the whole thing down, the imagery was so strong.

“Something, something... the light that shines... the moon reflects… ‘I wax and wane in your constant glow’...” He squinted at the paper. “I know what I need.” He pulled out his phone and sent a minor distress call.

_General, I need a beta reader. You have a few minutes free?_

Cassandra’s response was nearly instantaneous. _Yes, I’m free. What do you need? What did you write?_

_Keep this under your hat, but it’s my wedding present for Bethany._

_Oh, you wrote her something? How wonderful! Of course I’ll take a look. And don’t worry, I’ll keep it to myself._

When she arrived, he handed over a small sheaf of papers. “I know what I’m trying to say but I’m not sure I'm parsing it quite right. Any thoughts?”

She sat down, reading the papers carefully, her face brightening more and more as she did so. “Varric, this is lovely.” She smiled, shifting the pages in her hands. “The sun and moon analogy is so classically romantic.”

“Obviously I’ve called her Sunshine for years. And her dress is gold, so my suit is silver to kind of play with this... that’s where I got the idea,” he explained. “Besides, it... kind of fits. She’s the brightest thing in my entire life and if I’ve got any light myself it comes from reflecting hers.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Andraste’s ass, I really _am_ getting soft in my old age.”

“No, no, that’s gorgeous,” she assured him. “Hm. The poem you wrote for Evvy and Cullen was very much a medieval fairytale; this feels almost mythological. The sun and the moon, united at last.”

“So if we ever have a kid, is he or she an eclipse?” He smirked.

She chuckled at that, her smile warm. “Sounds about right. I’m sure if you asked Cole, he’d say they would be the stars. Or the sky tying you both together. Something like that.”

“Huh. I guess we fit ourselves into his little analogy without even trying,” Varric mused. “In all seriousness, you think it’s okay? I didn’t know what to get her.”

“Better than okay, it’s marvelous - I mean it. She’s going to love it.”

“All right. I’d better make a good printing then, and tuck it away. Thanks, General, the vote of confidence is appreciated.”

“Of course, I’m happy to help.” Cassandra smiled and handed the papers back to him, then paused. In a warmer tone, she said, “I’m proud of you, Varric. You’ve come a long way since when you and I sat in this office talking about Bethany’s condition and whether or not you deserved to be with her.”

“Ah, don’t... don’t get mushy on me. Are you feverish?” he joked. More seriously, he added, “It’s been a hell of a rocky road. I’m still not sure I’m where I ought to be. But this is what she wants, and it happens to coincide pretty nicely with what I want. So yeah. Thanks, for your part in helping me get here.”

“You’re quite welcome. You’re both happy, and that’s what is most important. That’s what truly matters.”

“And we want everyone else to be happy too,” he said with a mock innocence that wouldn’t have fooled anybody.

 


	6. Out-Story the Storyteller

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric tells Hawke she's going to be an aunt. Then other stuff happens. It's all a bit of a blur to him in hindsight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have to admit, you didn't see this coming.

* * *

**Chapter Six: Out-Story the Storyteller**

* * *

 

The month flew - as impatient as he was to see the fruition of his plotting, Varric was genuinely surprised to realize that it was only a week before the wedding, and his bride was due to arrive for the festivities leading up to the big day. “So, Hawke,” he said, “we want to have a talk with you when she gets here. There’s a subject we still need to resolve.”

“Oh, yeah? Am I allowed a hint?” she said with a smirk, but nodded. “The house, right?”

“Actually, I’ve been trying to find the right moment to tell you that I’m pregnant.” Varric grinned and patted his stomach.

“Oh, well, in that case, I hope you’ll consider naming it Marian if it’s a girl. If it’s a boy, well, still name it Marian,” she replied, grinning.

“Works for me. Yeah, the house. Any thoughts?”

“I kind of figured this would be a question. I don’t expect her to stay in Kirkwall while you’re here, after all. But I don’t think I’m ready to give the place up - especially if any of us want to go back to Kirkwall during the summer or something, which I’m sure we may - so maybe we’ll rent it out.”

“Sunshine said more or less the same thing. I was thinking maybe you could offer to let Aveline and Donnic move in, if they’re so inclined,” he said. “Or something along those lines. I assume Duke will be moving here too, since you really shouldn’t keep a mabari away from its person.”

“That’s a great idea,” she said with a nod. “Oh, Duke will most definitely be coming here; he only stayed in Kirkwall up to this point for Bethany's sake, after all, so if she's going to be here then there's no reason for him not to be. It’s not like he’ll be out of place either, since the school has the kennel now.”

“Yep. And Siren’s boy likes having him around, so even without the kennel I think there’d be a place for him. Okay, great, glad that’s settled.” He paused. “I have to move into the married dorms now. That’s... wow, that’s going to feel weird.”

“Eh, maybe at first, but you’ll get used to it fast.” She grinned. “Besides, that wing is starting to get pretty full. It’s going to be quite the happening place soon.”

“Well, you know that wherever you and I are, that’s where all the best parties happen. So obviously everyone’s going to want to be in that wing before too much longer.”

“Isn’t that the truth,” she said with a chuckle. “Although there is a bit of a noise limit on any parties in the married dorms or we’ll wake up baby Skye.” She laughed again.

“Yeah, we have too many more of those show up and Songbird will have to set up a daycare center or something. Although some of the students might enjoy that,” he allowed. “I could raise a whole new generation of readers.”

“I can just picture that too. Like your reading of _The Princess Bride_ mock-up, but all the time.”

He laughed. “That was so much better than I ever expected. And a good thing too, it was such a nerve-wracking day for everybody.”

“It went a long way for everyone - especially Cole.” She paused, tilting her head in thought. “Huh. It’s starting to look like every big occasion here at Skyhold is going to be marked with a story.”

“Hawke. _I’m_ here. What were the chances of it ever being otherwise?”

“Good point. Between you and the students, we’ll never run out of stories.” She snickered. “And speaking of which, are you going to write Bethany something?”

“You know me so well. It’s already done.” He smirked. “I’m planning to give it to her early, in case she wants to do a dramatic reading at her bridal shower or something. I hear Curly-Girl did one of _The Emerald Princess_ when you were all partying with Siren.”

“She did, and it was legendary. So if Bethany wants to do one of whatever yarn you spun for her, I will certainly not complain.”

“It’s entirely her choice. So, shall we go to the airport and meet her?”

“I think she’d be disappointed if we didn’t, don’t you?” Hawke retorted, smiling.

“The thought crossed my mind,” he replied with a grin. “You have plans for her before the wedding? I’m not exactly sure when the bachelor party is - or what they’re going to do. I doubt they’ll handle me quite as delicately as they did Curly,” he added.

“I think you can count on that,” she agreed. “I’ll have to see what Bethany feels like doing for a bachelorette party. We might even end up doing something like we did for Evvy. We’ll see.”

* * *

Within the hour, they were at the airport and waiting for the very excited bride to put in her appearance. “I think I see her!”

Bethany stood peering around as she clutched her suitcase, Duke sitting at her heels. At last, she spotted Varric and Hawke, her face lighting up with an enormous grin. “Hey, you two!” she called, hurrying forward as fast as her cumbersome luggage would allow. She immediately flung herself at Varric, while the mabari lunged for his chosen human. “I had a feeling I’d be seeing you here. Can you believe it’s almost the big day?”

“It kind of sneaked up on me,” he admitted, catching her in an embrace, “but at the same time I’ve been waiting a damn long time for it so it can’t come soon enough.” He pulled back and gave her a grin. “Right answer?”

“Oh, absolutely right answer.” She returned the grin and kissed his cheek. “Right answer plus bonus points because I’m so very happy to see you.” She glanced at Marian, her eyes sparkling joyfully. “And you too, sis.”

“Come on. I’m taking my girls out to lunch - just the three of us, like back when we first met,” Varric said fondly. He took Bethany’s suitcase so she could hug her sister. “Hopefully I won’t need to rescue anyone's purse from a pickpocket again.”

“Hopefully not.” She laughed. “I should have known right then and there you were a knight in shining armor. And no, I will hear no argument on that point - you’re not the only one who can make fairy tale analogies.” She bumped him playfully with her elbow.

“Whatever makes you happy. Or - I guess I should get used to saying this - _yes, dear_.” He smirked.

* * *

Varric waited until a bit later in the day, when he and Bethany had a few minutes alone together, before giving her the gift. “I promised to give it to you early so that if you want to perform it at your bridal shower or something, you have the option,” he said. “No one else has seen it except Cassandra - I recruited her as proofreader.”

She took the papers and immediately gasped. “Oh. Oh, my. I have a feeling this is going to make me a bit teary - in the best possible way.” She began to flip through quickly, smiling as she did so. “Most definitely going to make me teary. Oh, this is so sweet, I can’t wait to read this in detail! Thank you so much!” She embraced him. “The sun and the moon... I love this analogy.”

“Well, you _are_ the bright thing at the center of my universe, so it fits.”

“And the moon fits for you, because even if I can’t always see you, I know you’re there, looking out for me.” She looked thoughtful as she held onto his shoulders. “You got me through so much, Varric - my mother’s death, my illness... just knowing you were thinking of me meant the world to me. I hope you know that.”

“For as long as I’ve known you, I’ve had this ridiculous urge to protect you,” he acknowledged, chuckling. “Eventually I understood why. But no matter what, I’m always going to be there for you.” He kissed her forehead.

“I know,” she said, her smile soft and warm. “And I’m always going to be there for you too.” Grinning, she added, “There’s no stopping this, and I finally made it to you from Metropolis.”

“So I have a question for you, madam,” he said, semi-seriously. “What do you want to do about our names? I mean, Fenris became a Hawke when he married your sister, because he wanted to leave his past behind him. Do you want to stay a Hawke, or do you want to hyphenate, or... how do you want to approach this?”

“I’ve thought about it a little,” she said, nodding slightly. “‘Bethany Hawke-Tethras’ does have a certain gravitas that I might need, what with being the wife of a famous author and all.” She grinned. “What do you think? How do you feel about it?”

“Well, considering that I’m the famous author in question, my ego kind of dictates that I keep my last name - at least professionally,” he replied. “And ‘Professor Hawke-Tethras’ might be a mouthful for the kids. So I wasn’t completely sold on hyphenating, but I’d do it if you want. It’ll be nice not being the only remaining Tethras, anyway.”

She smiled at that. “You know what? You’re completely right. ‘Bethany Tethras’ it is - so you’re never alone again.”

“And if you feel like that’s too much of a mouthful, you can call yourself ‘Bethras,’” he offered teasingly, kissing her again. “Like a brand name or something.”

She giggled. “Now, that’s perfect,” she remarked with a smile.

After a beat, he added, “By the way, you still planning on working with Josephine to take care of counseling issues and be her assistant?”

“If she’ll still have me, most definitely yes. This is such a special place filled with so many wonderful people. I would really love to be a part of it, even in some small way.”

“The kids like you, so I think that’ll be perfect. And since they particularly like your singing, I made sure to rent the karaoke equipment for the reception. You pick the song, we’ll do a duet.”

She beamed at that. “How wonderful! Now, _I_ have a question for _you_ \- ‘Metropolis’... do you want us to sing it or dance to it? Because it has to be included somewhere, to the surprise of no one, I’m sure.”

“It absolutely has to be included,” he agreed. “From the first time I heard that song it made me think of you. Maybe it should be our first dance.”

“I would like that very much.”

“I’ll bet Curly or Sparkler could sing it well enough for us to dance to it,” he mused. “Speaking of whom, I’m not sure if I’m more excited or afraid for my bachelor party.”

She laughed slightly. “Know any details on what they have planned? Do I even want to know?”

“Dorian’s being unusually tight-lipped. I keep trying to trip him up and nothing’s worked. It’s a little disconcerting.”

“Well, at least I know he’ll make sure you survive whatever ordeal they have planned for my sake,” she teased. “And for his own sake too - he’s put a lot of effort into this, after all.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. But they’re enjoying thinking that I’m scared out of my mind so I’m mostly letting them.”

“Clever. Give the people what they want, after all.” She smirked. “I must admit I’m a bit morbidly curious to see what they’ve come up with.”

“I have no doubt someone will be recording my humiliation for posterity, so I’ll make sure you get to enjoy it,” he promised.

* * *

Dorian, for his part, was incredibly pleased with what he had come up with for the bachelor party in question - and would state that fact aloud to anyone who was listening. When the day in question finally came, he rallied the male teachers of Skyhold Academy to go together to fetch Varric, and he himself was wearing a smug grin the entire way.

“Is this the part where I’m taken prisoner and handcuffed to some woman in a bewildering costume?” the writer deadpanned, looking up from the essays he was grading.

“Yes to the first, no to the second,” Dorian returned.

“He's right. I mean, her costume isn't _that_ bewildering,” Blackwall joked.

“Anyway, just come along,” the best man said with a sigh, which rapidly morphed into a smile. “We have a lot to get accomplished.”

“Give me thirty seconds to finish this.” Varric scribbled a few notes on the assignment in his hand, then took off his reading glasses and tucked them into a desk drawer. “All right, I surrender.”

“Good, that means I don’t have to have Bull throw you over his shoulder. Makes everyone’s life so much easier.” Dorian smirked and led the party out of the humanities tower down to the staff room, which was unoccupied and rearranged just for their purpose. Everyone’s chairs had been placed in a circle, while the back of the room boasted a table full of food and drink. The walls and the ceiling were decorated slightly in paper decorations that seemed to suggest a literary theme. “Oh, come now, I had to decorate it at least a little,” he added when they arrived.

“I’m not criticizing,” Varric replied, eyeing the room thoughtfully. “I like it. But I _am_ very curious about what’s going on here.”

“It's quite simple, really.” Dorian stepped into the room and leaned dramatically on the back of his usual chair. “We're going to out-story the storyteller.”

“I doubt that, but I’m intrigued by your premise and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.”

Cullen chuckled. “Basically, the idea is to write a story about you.”

“Preferably an awful one,” Solas put in.

“Yes,” the history professor continued. “We’re all going to take turns in a round table style, completely off the cuff. And considering everyone except me is probably going to be very drunk by the end of it, I’m sure the result is going to be... interesting.”

“All my idea, of course.” Dorian preened. “And we’ll be recording it - both for posterity and so it can be transcribed in full later.”

Varric laughed heartily. “Oh, this I have _got_ to see. All right, let the booze and the words flow.”

“Well,” said Fenris, “of everyone here I’ve known you the longest, so I claimed the right to start.” He waited until everyone had their food and drinks and was seated, then cleared his throat. “Cullen will recognize the first few words, I suspect. Once upon a time, in a faraway land, a young prince lived in a shining castle. Although he had everything his heart desired, the prince was spoiled, selfish, and unkind.” He paused and touched the screen of his phone, resulting in a needle-scratch sound effect. “However, _this_ story is about the short mouthy writer who lived in a filthy tavern. Although he had most of what his heart desired, or was at least good at pretending that he did, the writer was amiable, generous, and almost unnervingly friendly.”

“It makes people wonder what I’m up to,” Varric protested mildly.

“Said mouthy writer also had a habit of interrupting,” Dorian put in, giving Varric a mock glare. “But apparently this - and his many other faults - did not deter a circle of people from voluntarily spending time with him, including the sun herself.”

“After a very memorable introduction, he and the sun - and her sister, the star - became instant lifelong friends. A few years in, however,” said Bull, “the writer realized he was sunburned in the best possible way. What he didn’t quite know was what to do about it, since the only potential cure meant giving up the sun, and he was by no means willing to do that. So he just kept quiet. But then…”

“Much to the surprise of the writer, it turned out the sun was waiting for him,” Cullen added with a smile. “And not only was she waiting for him, but she saw him as the moon. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves, aren’t we?”

“Rather,” Blackwall agreed. “First, you have to remember that the mouthy writer had an ego the size of the Abyssal Rift, which made the whole situation a little weird. Of course, he also had the fan base to back it up.”

“Maker only knew why,” Dorian interjected.

“Second, there was the problem of distance - both in location and in age - between the mouthy writer and his Sunshine,” Solas continued. “And thus the situation only grew more strange.”

“Then tragedy befell the sun,” said Fenris, a bit quietly. For obvious reasons, Bethany’s illness had impacted him severely. “The writer did everything within his power to shield her from the effects of her misfortune. But with the distance between them, his opportunities were limited - and worse, he believed himself to blame.” He eyed Varric as though for confirmation, despite knowing perfectly well that it was true. “Unjustifiably, but that’s the overdramatic sort of person he was,” he added, trying to be humorous.

“But, just like in any good fairy tale, the writer had a song he sang just for her, which helped,” Cullen said. “And, to quote the son of the writer’s history professor colleague, she heard his song and followed it back.”

Varric had been trying not to react too much to any of what was being said. Hearing about Cole’s words, however, he visibly softened for a minute. “At which point it must be mentioned, again, that the sun’s questionable taste in men is her only known character flaw.”

“Quite.” Dorian laughed. “But she was otherwise such an excellent person that this solitary flaw in her character was happily overlooked by anyone and everyone.”

“Highly lauded and almost universally loved,” Bull agreed, knocking back a third drink. “Or at least, closer to it than most people.”

The story continued in this vein - as did the flowing of drinks for everyone who did not have a heart condition. Eventually, as predicted, Cullen was the only sober one in the bunch, and he sat in his chair looking bemused as he nursed a cup of decaf coffee. “Then, through a series of circumstances which anyone who has suffered a dental issue can tell you is not fun, the writer was put in an unexpected position,” he offered, glancing around at his colleagues, who were all in various states of inebriation.

There were some snorting sorts of giggles at that. “He - he thought the sun was a - an _actual Disney princess_ ,” said Blackwall in a delightedly slurred voice. “With - with birdies an’ everything.”

“Don’t forget that he also suggested she was a model or a film star,” Solas added smugly. He wasn’t nearly as drunk as some of the others present, only slightly tipsy, and it lent a vaguely comical tone of haughtiness to his words. “And how completely shocked he was to hear she was there specifically to visit him, of all things.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” Varric protested with a hiccup. “Beau... beautiful girl... sweet smile… how could I guess i’was fer me?” He giggled strangely.

“No, I would not be surprised if it were me,” Dorian interjected. “After all, I attract admirers everywhere I go. And of course I do, just look at me.” He turned his head back and forth. “But yes, I can see why it would surprise _you_.”

“My Sunshine admires _me_ , not _you_ ,” Varric replied in a grumbly sort of voice. He immediately relaxed, however. “You can have Bull.”

Dorian gave an animated shrug in response. “Mm, I shan’t argue with that,” he replied, repositioning himself to lean against Bull’s shoulder. “Weren’t we telling a story? Someone pick up where Rutherford left off. Don’t leave us all in suspense.”

“The writer... they took out his teeth...” Blackwall snickered. “And he had none left so he made some... out of... out of... marbles.”

“The marbles Krem found,” Bull crowed, “the ones he pulled outta the magician’s hat. They became the writer’s new teeth!”

There was an affirmative cheer - and Dorian saying something glib about that being the only way Varric would ever have any marbles at all - while Cullen chuckled to himself. “This is fantastic,” he whispered to himself, pulling out his phone. He took a few seconds of video and began a text. _Hello, darling. I’m sure you’ll see the full transcript of this “excellent” story we’re writing for Varric, but until then, enjoy this. And maybe send help, I haven’t decided yet._ Laughing again, he hit send.

 


	7. Some Sort of Hotly Contested Debate About Nugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Varric's party rages in the wine cellar, Bethany's is in full swing upstairs, complete with some visitors from Kirkwall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll admit, I couldn't decide what to call this chapter, but I liked that line so I borrowed it from the narrative.
> 
> Don't go away at the end of this chapter! We have something very important to ask you!

* * *

  **Chapter Seven: Some Sort of Hotly Contested Debate About Nugs**

* * *

 

Bethany’s party, meanwhile, was just getting started when Evvy received her husband’s message. The ladies had held off on beginning as long as possible, to give the Kirkwall guests time to arrive, and when she saw what was on her phone she knew this was how the festivities had to start. “I have an inside scoop on the events of the bachelor party for anyone who wants to see!”

“Oh, yes!” Bethany cried, clapping her hands together in delight. “I most definitely need to see this.”

Cass and Josephine glanced at each other and giggled. “I think this is exactly the type of thing we need,” Cass said with a smirk.

“Here we go.” Evvy turned up the volume as much as she could. “Oh dear…”

The ladies all huddled around. Bethany immediately started to laugh, covering her mouth with her hand. “Oh my goodness. Oh, gentlemen, I know you all can sing better than that.”

Cass raised an eyebrow. “Why… why are they talking about marbles? What even are they doing?”

“The way it was explained to me,” said Evvy, “the men were doing a fictionalized version of Varric’s life, which was guaranteed to get progressively odder as they became drunker. The marbles, however, I can’t explain.”

“Perhaps it’s better we don’t know.” Josie giggled again. “I’m sure it probably wouldn’t make a whole lot of sense anyway. Although if Cullen wants to keep sending updates, who am I to argue?”

“How about we get this party going, and I’ll share any updates that come?” Evvy proposed.

“I’m for that,” said Aveline. She seemed a bit awkward and slightly out of place, but determined to have a good time.

Isabela, by contrast, couldn’t have been more at ease. “That’s the spirit, big girl! Finally got you out of that office for more than a lunch break, and all it took was Bethany tying down Varric. Speaking of which, Sweetness, if you need any tips on knots…”

“Isabela...” Hawke said in a slight growl.

“Well, it’s nice to know some things never change,” Bethany replied, biting her lip slightly. But she smiled nevertheless. “I’m glad you’re all here. It’s like being back in Kirkwall.”

“In some ways. But your life’s taken a direction I don’t think any of us expected when the three of us got to Kirkwall,” Aveline noted with a chuckle. “How does it feel?”

“ _Wonderful_ ,” she replied, beaming. “I mean, I know I should probably feel nervous too - and I do, in some small way. But that’s more because I’m hoping everything goes off without a hitch. Otherwise, I couldn’t be more excited.”

“Oh, balls, you’re even cuter than the last time I saw you. I swear I could eat you for dessert,” said Isabela with a laugh.

“You’re just jealous because now Bethany has exclusive access to the chest hair,” Hawke teased her.

“...you know, I can’t even deny that.”

Bethany snickered. “You want to get really jealous, Isabela? I once wrote him a note on Bianca.”

“No.” Isabela gasped. “You’re joking! He let you touch the sacred keys? Sweetness, if you were just about anybody else I might challenge you to a duel over that.”

“Well, technically, he didn’t _let_ me do anything. I did it during the last epic bachelor party-bridal shower combination Skyhold held.” She laughed and pulled out her phone and passed it down. “Here, I have a picture of what I wrote. Thank the Maker for Google Photos. You should have heard his reaction the next day – ‘Strangest thing, Bianca’s becoming self-aware... wrote me a love note last night. Gonna have to let her know there’s someone else.’” She laughed again. “If you play your cards right, maybe you can do the same thing.”

“You’re not even married yet and willing to share the husband’s toys. I like where this is going.” Isabela snickered. “Oh, you two will have fun together.” She grinned at the picture and passed the phone back.

“Yes. Well.” Bethany blushed slightly and turned to face the group in an effort to cover it up. “So, uh... what’s the plan for tonight?”

“Well, we had so much fun playing Truth or Dare with the previous bride-to-be, we kept that as a reserve prospect,” said Josephine. “However, as it’s your party, we wanted to know if you had any requests.”

“Apart from cake, that is. Because there is definitely cake,” added Merrill, entering the room with a large sheet cake in her arms. “Ooh, someone help me, I’m likely to drop this!”

“Oh, here!” Bethany laughed and rushed forward to help her guide the dessert in question to the table. “I swear that cake is bigger than you are!” she said, hugging Merrill when they were finally relieved of their burden.

“It’s so good to see you, Bethany. And looking so well - your hair grew back prettier than I remember it,” Merrill told her. “Which is saying something since it was already pretty. So! What do we do now?”

“Aww,” Bethany chirped, hugging her again before moving to stand in the middle of the room. “Well, first of all, thank you all so much for this. This is going to be a night to remember, surely. For those of us who _can_ remember it, that is.” She glanced teasingly at Isabela.

There was a chuckle. “Should we do presents first?” Evvy suggested. “While everyone’s still coherent enough to enjoy them, you know.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Bethany nodded. “And speaking of presents, I must share Varric’s gift to me with all of you before the night is over, so don’t let me forget.”

“Well, I’ll go first, if no one minds,” Evvy continued. “You see, I was privy to the details of Varric’s tuxedo shopping trip - including his message from you, Bethany. Cullen recorded the whole thing on his phone and showed me later. So I made you a little gag gift…” She produced a framed colored pencil sketch. “I hope I got the details of his outfit right,” she added as the picture was passed around. Varric, wearing the garish pink tuxedo, was being chased by a murderous-looking Dorian wielding a baseball bat. “My dear unicorn was having trouble holding the phone steady enough for me to get a clear look at it, he was laughing so hard.”

Bethany gasped in delight at the picture and began laughing uproariously. When she could finally breathe, she spoke. “Oh. Oh, Maker, this is _perfect_. I mean, I think the tuxedo was actually even uglier than this, but otherwise, perfect.” She started laughing all over again. “This will definitely need to go somewhere that I can see it all the time.”

“Oh Maker.” Hawke was howling. “I heard about the incident, but I’m almost sorry this didn’t actually happen just because it would have been funnier that way. Varric is probably driving Dorian _insane_.”

“More than likely,” said Cass, wiping her eyes as she too laughed.

“But underneath all that fussing, they’re both secretly enjoying this too, I think,” added Josephine. “Okay, well, maybe not the pink tuxedo incident - but the rest of it.”

“Probably.” Leliana was chuckling. “Well, Bethany, my gift is also wall art - not quite as amusing as Evvy’s, but I think it’s something you and Varric can appreciate. It made me think of both of you.” She presented a framed quotation. _When something goes wrong in your life, just yell ‘Plot twist!’ and move on._

Bethany immediately grinned. “Goodness, how wonderful is this? I love it, Leliana, thank you. Knowing the two of us, I think we may actually do this.”

“That’s you two in a nutshell,” Hawke agreed fondly. “Who wants a drink? I’ll pour while the gifts are being tossed around.”

“I, much like Evvy’s poor sober husband, probably shouldn’t mix alcohol with my meds,” Bethany said with a smile. “But if there’s tea or something, that sounds excellent.”

“A drink sounds perfect, thank you, Hawke,” Cass added. “And meanwhile, I’ll go next if no one minds.” Smiling widely, she handed Bethany a photo album, emblazoned with the symbol of a united sun and moon. “I know you love taking pictures, so a photo album seemed like just the thing.”

“That’s beautiful,” said Aveline, peering over Bethany’s shoulder. “Is there significance to the emblem?”

“Oh, yes,” Bethany said warmly. “You all know he calls me Sunshine, of course, so there’s a bit of a sun and moon theme to this wedding. And in his wedding gift to me. Thank you, Cassandra.”

“You’re making me very curious about his gift,” Josephine commented. “But here’s mine. I wanted to make sure you had all the details covered for the big day - you know, something old and all that. So here is something old, and also the silver coin to go inside your shoe.” The ‘something old’ turned out to be an antique hair ornament, almost a tiara of sorts, resembling a wreath of gold leaves.

“Josephine, it’s gorgeous!” she exclaimed, turning the piece over in her hands. “Oh, this is stunning - and it fits with the season so well. Thank you so much.”

“You’re very welcome. That ornament has been used in many Antivan weddings - I’m glad to see it put to purpose again.” Josie smiled and accepted the drink Hawke passed her.

Bethany traced her finger over one of the gold leaves. “I really appreciate that you entrusted something like this to me. And who knows? Maybe it can continue to see use in the future.” She grinned and placed it carefully aside.

“One never knows, little sister,” Hawke agreed, bringing her a cup of tea. “And apparently Josie and I were on the same page, because I got you your something new. Should go nicely with that rock you’re wearing.” She dangled a necklace in front of her sister’s face, with a gold pendant shaped like the sun; there was a small yellow diamond in the center.

“Aww, sis!” Bethany exclaimed, taking the necklace to study it in more detail. “Aren’t you sweet? I love it, thank you.” She put it on and paused to take a selfie. “I took one with the ring, after all, gotta get one with the necklace.”

“Yep, they go perfectly together. You want to send that to the drunken groom?” Hawke teased.

“Oh, you bet I do.” She laughed, tapping at her phone. “Evvy, tell Cullen he’s more than welcome to get some footage of the reaction if he’s so inclined.”

“Done and done,” Evvy promised. “And just tea for me too, please, Hawke.”

Hawke nodded and Bethany looked up from the message she was typing. “By the way, how is Skye? Who’s with her since her favorite babysitter is all tied up?” She gestured to herself, chuckling.

“Her Aunt Mia is here for the wedding,” Evvy explained. “Varric actually very kindly invited all three of Cullen’s siblings, but Branson and Rosalie both had to work. Mia, however, had an ulterior motive in coming - I mean, apart from getting her hands on my daughter.” She smiled conspiratorially. “She’s Michel’s date.”

There were several excited squeals at that - mostly from the Skyhold ladies. “Oh, is she?” said Josie, evidently delighted. “So it turns out Krem really _is_ the best wingman ever.” She giggled.

“Who knew, right?” Evvy laughed. “Where was he when _I_ needed one of those?”

“He could have been quite helpful. But you did have a fairy godfather,” Cass pointed out, also laughing.

“True. Perhaps Krem took lessons from Dorian!”

“Well, he’s doing pretty well for himself these days too,” Leliana noted. “He and Rory are _adorable_.”

“They really are,” said Josephine with a smile. “They’re both so shy and sweet about it - it’s precious. Like how he helped her during the talent show.”

“We should show the footage of that to our visitors,” said Cassandra. “It’s absolutely worth it.”

“Oh, completely,” Bethany assured them. “It’s all adorable and hilarious from start to finish. Plus, you get to see me surprise Varric with a duet, which is always entertaining.”

“The look on his face was priceless,” Evvy agreed.

“It was supposed to be me,” Hawke explained, “but I told Bethany about it and we switched places just in time for her to sing with him.”

“I never really thought of Varric as a singer,” Aveline admitted. “I know he hums sometimes, but I don’t think I ever heard him sing before he started appearing in all these Skyhold videos you send me.”

“We didn’t either until the staff had their karaoke night,” Bethany said, smiling broadly. “Now it’s sort of become a thing with us. We’re already planning a duet for the wedding.”

“Did you pick a song? Last I heard it was still up in the air,” said Hawke.

“Well, don’t tell him I spoiled the surprise, but...” Her smile widened. “Have you all seen the movie _Anastasia_? We thought the song ‘At The Beginning’ really fit us.”

“It’s been years, but from what I remember - that _does_ sound like it works.” Leliana grinned. “You certainly have been on a crazy adventure.”

“Isn’t that the truth?” she agreed with a smile and a tiny sigh. “But for this - for this destination - I absolutely wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

“I’ve got the video cued up,” said Josephine, who had been at work on her tablet computer. “Let’s all enjoy the show while we eat cake.”

“Oh! Lovely!” said Merrill, sitting down with her piece. “I like shows.”

“Oh, in that case, Merrill, you should move in here,” Bethany laughed, accepting a plate that was passed to her. “This is just one of many Skyhold shows. If there is definitely one thing for which this school is not lacking, it's showmanship.”

By the time they got to Varric and Bethany’s duet, the gathered crowd had laughed, cried, and laughed again. “I see what you mean about Krem and Rory,” said Isabela with a little grin. “They’re almost too precious.”

“Aren't they?” Cass smiled. “We all suspect that the act started going wrong in the beginning and the rest was just improvised after Krem swooped in to rescue her. It's all very sweet.”

“And that was a hell of a wingman stunt,” Aveline acknowledged, chuckling. “I assume someone fed him that information?”

“Cullen,” Evvy confirmed. “He had mentioned wanting to introduce Mia to Michel, so Krem took that and ran.”

“That's so wonderful,” said Bethany. “Mia has been so kind the few times I met her - she definitely deserves this.”

“She’s a lovely person. Cullen adores her - he’s said more than once that he would have been lost without his big sister,” Evvy noted. “She’s very good with Skye, I’m sure she’d like to have a few of her own. So… we shall see what develops.”

“Another pairing for the students to squeal about,” said Cass with a chuckle. “We all certainly do lead interesting romantic lives, though, so I don't blame them.”

“Yours is an endless source of amusement for me as well, you know,” Evvy teased her. To clarify for the visitors, she added, “Cass has been dating my oldest friend for - goodness, it’s almost two years, isn’t it? I’ve known the man since I was four years old and I’ve never seen him as... what’s that word some of the kids like?”

“Twitterpated?” Josie offered.

“Yes, I think that’s the one. He’s absolutely besotted with Cass.”

Cass smiled a bit, her cheeks slightly flushed as she busied herself with taking a long drink. At last, she spoke. “Well, he’s not alone in that,” she said quietly, smiling all the more.

Evvy was extremely pleased, but said nothing; she just smiled. “What should we do next? Are there more gifts, or did we want to segue right into the embarrassing party games?” She winked at Bethany.

“I think embarrassing party games are definitely a must. Although, Isabela is here, so I’m a little frightened of just what this could entail,” Bethany said, laughing.

“Sweetness, would I humiliate you just for my own amusement? Varric, maybe, but not you.”

“Well, if you say so. As long as no one wakes up somewhere in just their underthings, I think we’ll be okay,” she said with a comical tone of caution. “I leave myself to your mercy, ladies.”

“I quite enjoyed the Truth or Dare last time, myself,” said Hawke. “Shall we give that another go?”

“I’m game!” said Bethany. “Who wants to ask first?”

“Well, I guess I will,” said Hawke with a grin. “Matron of honor duties, you know. Truth or dare, sister?”

“Let’s start this off right. Dare.”

“Hmm, well... I think I speak for everyone when I say you’ve piqued my curiosity. I dare you to share that mysterious wedding gift.”

“I was hoping someone would ask.” Bethany smirked and went to retrieve the gift. “So I know all the Skyhold ladies know about _The Emerald Princess and the Bashful Knight_ , but just in case my Kirkwall friends weren’t immediately informed about such a thing by my lovely sister here - Varric wrote an epic poem about Evvy and her now-husband when they were still figuring themselves out. Apparently, poems are going to be the thing for every relationship, and I am certainly not complaining about that fact, because here’s the one for us.” She passed the papers around so everyone could see them. “And I have permission to do a dramatic reading.”

Aveline squinted at the pages in her hand. “Varric wrote this? Are we talking about the same Varric?” she asked, sounding genuinely startled. “Where was this talent when _I_ got married?”

Bethany giggled. “Isn’t it marvelous? He should be contracted to write a poem for any and all weddings that crop up among us.”

“Ooh, let me see.” Josie took the papers and immediately squealed. “This is so sweet!”

“He took that sun and moon idea and ran with it,” said Hawke, peering over Josie’s shoulder. “I knew the general gist of the poem, even though this is my first time seeing it. Maker, he sounds almost _lovelorn_ \- I’m with Aveline, I’m not sure this is the same Varric.”

“Speaking both as the beta reader of this lovely poem and as Varric’s accidental confidant through most of the early stages of the relationship, lovelorn is actually a very good way to describe it,” Cass said with a little laugh.

They all looked at her with varying degrees of surprise and curiosity. “I wouldn’t ask you to break confidence, Cassandra,” said Leliana, “but considering the usual timbre of your conversations with Varric... I’m sure you can readily understand our astonishment.”

“Given the usual timbre of our conversations, I’m sure you can understand _our_ astonishment too.” She nodded, chuckling. “It started off as an accident - I walked in on one of his Skype calls with Hawke and figured some things out. Then it sort of went from there. We ended up talking through a lot of it together.”

“He did tell me a little about that, but not much,” Hawke noted. “I’m just glad he had someone to confide in while I was away.”

“Me too. I’m not sure if I helped at all - other than to be a sounding board - but if I _did_ help, I’m glad.”

“Considering what _else_ went on during all that, I have no doubt that you helped.” Hawke nodded meaningfully at Evvy.

“Oh, don’t remind me,” said the former kidnap victim with a wry smile.

“I’m sure you helped too, Cass,” Bethany assured her, reaching out to pat Evvy’s hand. “That was such a dreadful business and you were all splendid. Maker bless Skyhold,” she added with a chuckle.

“I’m quite certain He does,” Evvy told her with a smile. “So… do we get a dramatic reading?”

“Oh, but of course.” Bethany smiled, getting to her feet. “Sis, get your phone out. I expect a recording of this.”

“You got it. Ham it up,” said Hawke, getting into paparazzi mode.

“That I can do.” She cleared her throat and launched into the substance of the poem, grinning widely. Occasionally she stopped to giggle or sigh a little.

There was a little hooting (mostly from Isabela), some cooing (usually from Josie or Merrill), and a fair bit of giggling. “That was... well, that certainly was something,” said Hawke finally, stopping her recording. “My best friend, ladies and - uh, ladies.”

“‘Something’ indeed,” said the bride-to-be, grinning from ear to ear. “And that something would be...  _beautiful_.” She and Cassandra both chimed the word in unison, which caused Bethany to laugh. “See? Cass gets me.”

Everyone chuckled. “No argument here, Bethany,” said Josie. “Beautiful is a very good description.”

“It is. I’m a very lucky sunshine.” She put the gift away for safekeeping, still smiling. “Oh, and I guess it’s my turn, isn’t it?”

“That it is.” The game continued in a cheerful vein until it was interrupted by another message from Cullen on Evvy’s phone.

“Hm... they’re almost out of alcohol, and the storytelling has devolved into some sort of hotly contested debate about nugs,” she reported, amused. “Cullen isn’t certain whether he needs a rescue or a mediator.”

Josie immediately snickered, covering her mouth with her hand. “About nugs? Like what - which nugs are better, the pinkish ones or the brown ones?” She laughed harder.

“Leliana could probably mediate if necessary,” added Cass, also laughing.

“I could,” she acknowledged. “Should I? I’m very fond of nugs, this debate could be of interest to me.”

“You should wait to say that until you hear just what the debate entails,” Bethany said, giggling uncontrollably.

“Good point. I’d better go run a little interference and see what I can learn,” said the headmistress, rising. “Don’t have too much fun without me.”

“We won’t,” Josephine promised. “Although I think we’ll be expecting a full report back!”

“Fair enough!” She waved and headed out.

“What should we do until she gets back?” Merrill asked.

“How about we tell secrets about the bride?” Isabela teased. “Or the groom, his secrets are probably more secret.”

“I’m an open book,” Bethany laughed. “But Varric... yeah, I’m sure there’s probably material there.”

“I’ve got _lots_ of material for that. I've read his diary,” said Hawke with a grin. “Given his confidence, I’ll bet Cass does too.”

“I may have a few,” she admitted with a little chuckle. “I don’t know if they’re the juiciest secrets in the world, but I have a few.”

“Where should we start?” asked Evvy with a laugh. “The only secret I have about Varric is one I’ve already told Bethany - that he absolutely fawns over Skye when he thinks nobody’s looking.”

“Well, how could he not? She’s a darling,” said Bethany, smiling. “But I would love to catch him doing so one day.”

“In a similar sweet vein,” Josie put in, “I know a secret that I’m sure the Hawkes know and maybe Cass too, but still - it’s Varric who pays for the students to go to the movies once a month and have ice cream every weekend. For some reason, he plays that close to the chest, but I think it’s fabulous.”

There were some exclamations of affectionate surprise at that revelation. “Cullen and I suspected it might be him,” said Evvy, “but we had no proof. It just seemed like the sort of thing he would do. Bethany, do you know why he keeps it a secret?”

“He doesn’t like talking about his background,” she said with a slight shrug. “The money and the background go hand-in-hand, so he doesn’t mention either much. And I think he enjoys doing everything behind the scenes.”

“Nobody knows very much _about_ his background,” Aveline pointed out. “Not even us. We know he’s from the Tethras family, which used to be a somewhat aristocratic clan a long time ago, and he’s pretty much the only one left apart from some distant cousins. He owns a lot of businesses, but I couldn't say for sure how many. I think he mentioned a winery in Antiva once, for example.”

“Even I don’t know all the details,” Bethany admitted. “All I know is that he considers himself the last Tethras - although very soon he won’t be able to say that anymore.” She smiled.

Hawke chuckled. “Just what the world needs, more Varrics,” she teased. “But you know, with you looking after him, he’ll be all right.”

“He certainly will be,” Cass said fondly. “Thank the Maker for that.”

“Now, as for secrets about Bethany... what can I tell you?” Hawke tapped her lips in a pretend-thoughtful gesture. “Well, apparently it was the sight of Varric on his motorcycle which first made her realize he was the man for her, which took me a little by surprise.”

“What can I say? The man does that motorcycle justice,” she said with a shrug and a laugh. “And while I think the motorcycle sealed the deal, I probably would have figured it out either way, since he was always so spectacular to me - to all of us, really.”

“He always had a particular graciousness for you, though,” Aveline acknowledged. “It was obvious from the first. He sort of doted on you.”

“Well, it was always the family joke that Varric could never say no to my big brown eyes.” Bethany laughed and batted her eyelashes. “Guess it just took me a little while to fully realize why.”

“To be fair, he never precisely denied that,” said Isabela. “He’d flirt shamelessly with me, but never if you were around. It took _me_ a little while to fully realize why. ‘Sunshine’ this and ‘Bethany’ that. Honestly, when it finally twigged I felt like a moron for not seeing it sooner.”

“For what it’s worth, he hid it well,” Cass added. “I mean, Hawke knew, of course. But even those of us who had worked with Varric for years had no clue. He suffered in silence the entire time she was ill.”

“Cullen told me something along those lines - not until after he and Bethany had gotten together, though,” Evvy clarified. “Apparently, while I was at the mercy of the Venatori, Varric came clean with him to an extent in order to show a little solidarity. I don’t know the details of the conversation, just that Cullen felt rather honored with the confidence.”

“Poor Varric, hiding it all that time, content to pine forever,” Bethany said, shaking her head. “My only wish is that I had been able to drag it out of him sooner, so he didn’t have to suffer quite so long.”

“He just figured you were too good for him,” said Hawke with a chuckle. “He wouldn’t even tell _me_ \- probably thought I’d kill him or something. It was actually pretty funny in places. I mean, come on, he would hold you on his _lap_ sometimes.”

Bethany snickered. “Oh, you should have heard the nurses that day he came to the hospital with me. He went outside to wait and they asked me about him. Even they could see it.”

There was a fair bit of laughter at that. “Yes, and I told him you were fending them off on his behalf. He turned a very interesting color.” Hawke smirked.

“Good, I would be very disappointed to hear he didn’t!” Bethany replied, also smirking.

“Did he flirt with the nurses?” Josie asked curiously.

Bethany giggled and shook her head. “Not a bit. I mean, he was his usual charming self, but otherwise no. A few of them _were_ interested, though, after seeing his performance of ‘Metropolis’.”

“But he had eyes for no one but his Sunshine,” added Hawke. “In the end, _you_ actually took a little more convincing than he did.”

“Okay, in fairness to me, our Skype call that night was very confusing.” She was able to laugh about it now. “He made it sound like he had already gone out to buy the rings for me and Sebastian, then very abruptly changed his tune. I thought it was pity or something.”

“I know a little about that,” said Evvy. “I didn’t at the time, but when I thought about it later I put the pieces together. Seb came here, to Skyhold, on his way to Denerim. He did a lot of talking to Varric about you Hawke girls, and how he had visited you, and talked to Bethany regularly over Skype...” She chuckled. “Varric’s poker face is pretty legendary, but once I understood how he felt about Bethany, I realized how much that must have bothered him. He was probably working himself up to letting you go.”

“Oh, Varric.” Bethany chuckled. “I can just imagine the places his mind jumped when Seb said he Skyped with me. In reality it was a lot of ‘I'm praying for you’ and occasionally some news I was missing. You know, just Seb being Seb.”

“Yes, that’s him.” Evvy likewise chuckled. “I’m sure he meant no harm, he’s too kind for that. But Varric didn’t know, and he... well, he just wanted the best for you, I think. Of course, we all know that _he’s_ what’s best for you,” she added, smiling.

“Don’t we just,” Cass said warmly. “You know, I think we need to have a toast when Leliana returns - Maker knows it’s been a long road and the destination is definitely something to celebrate.”

“I’ll drink to that,” said Isabela, laughing. “But this is some seriously tame gossip. Nobody has anything juicy?”

“Well...” Bethany giggled. “Did Marian share any info about how this whole process really got started? When Varric got his wisdom teeth removed?”

“I’ve been out of town for the last few months! Places to go, software to steal,” the ‘pirate’ joked. “Spill the details, Sweetness.”

“Why tell you when we can show you?” she replied mischievously, and pulled out her phone. “So, Varric’s wisdom teeth had to be surgically removed, which meant sedation... which meant some _interesting things_ were said when he came off of it. I have a feeling you’ll enjoy this.”

Isabela seized the phone. “Ooh, there it is, there’s the chest hair,” she said with a playful sigh. She started the video, Aveline and Merrill putting their faces close to hers in order to watch. Within minutes they were all three in hysterics.

Bethany was laughing too, enjoying their reactions. “Isn’t it great?” She grinned. “I mean, he warned me he might not recognize me when he woke up, but I _definitely_ did not expect to be mistaken for a Disney princess and then asked to marry him.”

“I can’t imagine anyone expects to be mistaken for a Disney princess,” said Merrill. “They don’t often go walking around outside the movies, do they? Though I suppose you do look a bit like Snow White, maybe that’s what Varric was thinking.”

“Well, he did ask me if birds follow me when I sing, as you heard, so maybe you’re right.” Bethany laughed again, and smiled at Evvy. “What do you know? Soon Skyhold will have a Snow White _and_ a Cinderella.”

Evvy returned her smile. “Let me know if you ever need to borrow my Fairy Godfather. He’s wonderful in a pinch. But let’s try not to have a Sleeping Beauty, yes? That could be a little awkward.”

“Skye can be Sleeping Beauty,” Cass offered, smiling. “She certainly has a little retinue of devoted guardians like any good princess.”

“And I’m sure her father would wake her every morning with a kiss if he had the chance,” Evvy replied with a laugh. “Cole, not so much - he hasn’t quite gotten used to the idea of kisses. He’s getting better, though, and he’s good with the baby.”

“That is so sweet. Cole has come such a long way,” Josephine noted fondly. “He was so withdrawn when he first came to Skyhold. It has been a joy to watch him develop with you and Cullen to guide him.”

“He’s a good boy. He deserves a better life than the one he had - Skyhold did him a lot of good before I ever got here.” With a smile, Evvy added, “But calling him my son does seem to have helped too. I think he just needed to know that somebody loved him.”

There was a chorus of “aww” in response to that assertion. “Don’t we all?” interjected a smiling Leliana, standing in the doorway; she had returned from her mission just in time to catch the tail-end of the conversation. “So have I missed much?”

“Just showing the Kirkwall crew the post-surgery video,” Hawke replied. “What news from the bachelor party?”

“Well...” Leliana sat down with a grin. “The nug debate turned very lively. It seems that our esteemed Professor Harel is quite the haughty drunk and was defending nugs against Varric, who evidently is not a fan. Dorian mostly just complained about how cold the room was, and Cullen looked a little frightened of the whole thing. All in all, just another day at Skyhold Academy.”

“Situation normal,” Josie agreed. “All right, Cassandra, let’s have that toast you wanted.”

“Ah, yes.” She passed Leliana a drink and lifted her own. “To Bethany and Varric - the sun and the moon - who did a lot of stumbling in the dark to find each other and now get to live together in the light.”

There was a bit of cooing and chuckling at that. “Cheers!”

* * *

“Nobody look at me,” grumbled Varric at breakfast the next morning. “I’m pretty sure I was run over by a steamroller and propped back up.”

“I think you might have overcompensated for the week you couldn’t drink after surgery,” Cullen offered as softly as possible, trying not to aggravate anyone’s hangovers worse than they already were, yet still chuckling to himself. “It was quite the night.”

“Anything worth remembering, Curly? I know there was a lot of storytelling, but it’s all a little vague.” Despite how he felt, Varric grinned.

“Well, the story will be typed up and presented in full, so look forward to that. By the end of it, everyone was so drunk that me offering up ‘they all lived happily ever after’ was enthusiastically hailed as downright Shakespearean. Who am I to argue?” He chuckled again, shaking his head. “Then, of course, there was the nug discussion.”

“Yeah, I have some fuzzy recollection of that - Solas and I were going at it, weren’t we?”

“Oh, yes. I had no idea you disliked nugs so much. What exactly did nugs ever do to you?” Cullen teased.

“Have you ever _seen_ a nug, Curly? They’re _disturbing_. Also, the Nug King owes my family money.”

He laughed. “I think they’re a bit cute, actually. And so does Leliana, who came in to help moderate the debate.”

“Ah, that must have been the voice of reason I heard at some point.” Varric chuckled, then winced. “Aspirin, please. Where is everybody else?”

“After last night? Probably still asleep,” he said, reaching into his shoulder bag for an aspirin bottle. “At least, the men certainly are. As for the ladies, I can only guess.”

“Hm.” With somewhat clumsy fingers, Varric pulled out his phone and sent a quick text. _Morning, Sunshine. Had a good night?_

_Morning, love! It was an excellent night, thank you, we had a wonderful time. And how are you today? I heard things got interesting._

_I’ve been better. But apparently this beautiful girl I know is marrying me in a couple of days, so that helps._

_You, my dear, are smoother hungover than most men are sober, times about ten. You’re sweet._

_Sunshine, I’m a charming, lovable rogue. Of course I’m smoother than most men, it’s in my job description._

_Well, someone ought to give you a promotion. Oh, wait - I’m doing that. I’m promoting you to the role of husband._

Varric didn’t even care if anybody could see his grin. _There’s my Sunshine. Not long now._

_No, not long now, and yet the wait feels eternal. There may not be a thousand miles between us anymore, but it nevertheless feels like a million years._

_As far as I can see, you’re the only one, the only one who can get to me. That song really is too accurate, you know._

_It really is. Sometimes I swear it was written just for us. Like a hijacked plane or a runaway train or a speeding bullet, there’s no stopping this._

_Except my heart’s not currently in Metropolis,_ Varric noted _. Not that I don’t miss Kirkwall - I do, I always do. But I miss it less when you’re here. That’s what matters most._

_I couldn’t agree more. I love you, Varric._

_Of course you do, who doesn’t? Kidding. Love you too._

Cullen watched Varric texting and smiled slightly. “I’m not even going to ask you how it feels to be so close, because I know the answer well,” he said with a little laugh.

“I’m feeling better.” Varric smirked a little. “But yeah, I know you understand.”

“And if my experience is anything to go by, there’s nowhere to go from here but up.”

“I’ll drink to that.” He lifted his coffee mug. “I think when I write about this later, I’ll skip the last couple days before the wedding. The suspense might kill the readers.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY YOU. YES, YOU. THE PERSON READING THIS INSANITY. WANT TO GO TO SKYHOLD ACADEMY?
> 
> We've had a lot of readers making the remark in their comments that they wish they too could be students at Skyhold - and we can't blame you! So the adorable AuroraBorealia had a clever idea... we'll enroll you!
> 
> An upcoming installment in this series is going to be a flashback to the early days of Skyhold Academy. Because the school has been around for a while when Evvy shows up, it's of course only natural that some of the students have already graduated. So we're inviting you to be a graduate! Another installment (I'm not sure which will be shared first) is going to include a reunion for the alumni, and you may appear in that as well!
> 
> Rules are as follows:
> 
> 1\. Leave a comment on any chapter of Disorienuptials saying "Yes, sign me up, my name is _____!" Fill in the blank with the name you would like us to use.  
> 2\. The name you select does not necessarily have to be your own real name. However, it must be a reasonable-sounding name. Lord Fluffymuggins and Lady Schmoopsypoo are not eligible. (You know what I mean.)  
> 3\. That's all there is to it! Come and be a Skyhold student!


	8. Not In These Shoes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wedding day dawns, and at last everyone finds out just what Varric and Bethany have been planning...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AB and I are so thrilled about how excited you all are to enroll at the school! Every time we get another review about it, I swear I can hear her squealing from a few thousand miles away.

* * *

  **Chapter Eight: Not In These Shoes**

* * *

 

The day of the wedding dawned with excellent autumn weather, for which everyone involved was grateful. Dorian was on the run through the school from early in the day, fussing over details and barking orders at anyone who stood still for too long in his presence.

Varric was dressing, but looked up curiously when he heard a knock. “What’s the password?” he called.

“The password is ‘I come bearing gifts,’” replied Cassandra. “Specifically, a gift from a certain bride to a certain groom. Can I come in? Are you decent?”

“That depends on your definition of decent, General, but come on in.”

She entered, clutching a small box, and immediately froze. “Varric, you actually look presentable. I’m a little impressed.”

He smirked and, popping his lapels, did a little spin. “General, they got you into a dress. I know you said you’d wear one, but I almost don’t believe my own eyes. The color suits you. Has Lockpick seen you yet?”

She smiled a bit. “Not yet; he's my next stop. I wanted to make sure I got your gift delivered first.”

“I’m terribly curious.” He accepted the box and opened it, then started to laugh. “Where in the world did she find these?” he asked, fishing out a pair of silver cufflinks shaped like typewriters.

Cass laughed as well. “You know how resourceful the Hawkes are,” she said with a grin. “Those are too perfect.”

“They actually look a little like Bianca. That’s really something else,” he said, switching out the cufflinks which came with the tuxedo and putting on the new arrivals instead. “Well. Guess I’m as ready as I’m likely to be. Now I’ve got time to kill…”

“Don't let Dorian hear you say that or he'll put you to work - groom or not,” she said, rolling her eyes teasingly. After a moment, she smiled. “And for what it's worth, I think you're more than ready, Varric.”

“Go on, then, General. I’ll see you in the gazebo. And... thanks.”

She remained a moment longer, patting his shoulder with a smile, before she set off in search of Mahanon and to see if she could do anything else for the bridal party. As she went, he could hear her sighing a little to herself, and he was pretty sure he knew why. Cassandra loved weddings and, as much as she and Varric sparred at times, he could tell that she was deeply happy for him. The fact that the whole thing was very romantic, including the surprise of which she clearly had no clue, was just a bonus.

Thinking about that, Varric snickered to himself and picked up his phone. _Hey Sparkler, don’t run yourself ragged before the ceremony. All ready for the surprise plot twist?_

 _As ready as one can be for such a thing,_ Dorian replied. _When this is all over, I think I'll need a vacation. How go things on your end? Are you all ready?_

_I am conscious and dressed. I think that qualifies as ready._

_I will be the final judge of what qualifies as ‘ready’, thank you._

The groom smirked. _Suit yourself. What color vest did you end up picking, anyway?_

_I'm wearing plum, to keep with this autumnal color scheme. And please, save all the Deep Purple jokes - Bull has already made several._

_Please. I would come up with something much more inventive - except I’m a little too nervous for joking. I didn’t expect to be nervous but what do you know, I’m human after all. Who knew?_

_Certainly not I,_ Dorian quipped. After a moment, a more serious message came through. _I imagine it's only natural to be a bit nervous. But everything will be fine and it will all go off without a hitch, you have my word._

 _I’m not too worried. You handled Curly and Siren’s extravaganza - this should be peanuts by comparison._ He sent that message, thought a little, and then tapped out a very different one.

_Well, Milady Sunshine, it’s your last chance to run screaming. Ready?_

_Am I ready to run screaming? Not in these shoes._ Her laughter was almost audible in the message, which was immediately followed by a second one. _I’m teasing, of course. All I want to do is run to you, not away. I’m very, very ready. I hope you are too._

He burst out laughing at the first message. _That’s my girl. Of course I’m ready. Though if this is all just a dream, please don’t wake me up just yet. And if this is all a post-tooth-extraction hallucination, I’m gonna be really mad._

_Me too, because I’m super invested in it now. Although I definitely do think it’s a dream - a dream come true, at least._

_Ooh, smooth, Sunshine. You’re giving your old man a run for his money. Hey, the cufflinks are perfect, by the way. Where did you find them?_

_Oh, I’m so glad you like them! I found them by accident, actually, while poking around online and they were just too perfect. I hope you know that’s not the only gift you’re getting, though. After how amazing that poem was, I knew I needed something spectacular._

Varric smirked to himself. _Hmm_ , _about that. You didn’t think that was your only present either?_

_Oh, you spoil me. But we all already knew that. You're sweet - I'm sure I'll love it, whatever it is._

_Spoiling you has been my privilege since day one, as you recall. I don’t know anybody who deserves it more. Anyway, I went with a bit of practicality for your other gift. Surprised you haven’t found it already - look in the bedside table._

_Well, I have been a little busy. Give me a second, let me check._ About a minute or two later, she texted again. _Oh, Varric, it's beautiful! Thank you!_

_You don’t have to wear it today, of course. But when I saw the sun and moon on the watch face... well, it seems to be our thing, so you had to have it._

_I'm most definitely wearing it today - it will go very nicely with the dress, thank you so much._

_Whatever makes you happy, Sunshine. I’ll see you out there. Just look for the guy in the top hat._

_And you just look for the woman in gold. See you out there, dear. I love you._

_Love you too._

* * *

The students were buzzing with excitement as they collected in the inner courtyard, looking around for their teachers and friends, eagerly awaiting the arrival of the groom. Dorian was still scuttling back and forth, trying to see to a million last minute details. Evvy finally moved to take his arm. “Dori, I think everything’s perfect. Please stop fussing.”

“Are you afraid I'll worry myself into an early grave? Well, it certainly is a possibility.” He managed a weak chuckle, but his eyes were still scanning for anything out of place, his brow furrowed. “The amount of planning for both the wedding and the surprise... Maker's breath. I have to fuss - after all, who else will?”

“You’ll get wrinkles if you keep this up,” she teased him. “Go and get Varric, will you? We’ve got some of the band kids playing the prelude, two are on photo duty, one’s on video duty, and Krem is on... hat duty. I think it’s about as ready as it’s going to get.”

Dorian took a deep breath and massaged his forehead, as if forbidding any wrinkles to even consider forming. “Yes, you're probably right.” He sighed again. “Nothing will go wrong, nothing will go wrong…”

“It’s going to be like nothing any of us have ever seen. Now stop being the wedding planner and go be the best man.” She made a little shooing motion. “I’ve got your back, I'll make sure nothing goes wrong out here while you're elsewhere.”

“And this is why you're my Cinderella.” He kissed her cheek and, before he could find something else to tinker with, hurried off to find Varric.

Since she’d promised to fuss in his absence, Evvy proceeded to flit around the courtyard, straightening ties and smoothing hair for various students. Bull actually needed a little help with his cufflinks, anyway. “Is Krem ready for his role?”

Bull chuckled. “Hey, after that talent show performance, I'd say he was born ready. Who knew he was such a budding magician? And he's excited to help, of course.”

“As are we all. There, you’re all set. Oh, here comes Varric - we’d better sit down, it’s almost time to start.” She gave his arm a pat and made her way to her seat, flashing Varric and Dorian a grin as she did.

Dorian returned the smile with a little nod before turning to scan the area. Everything appeared to be just as he was hoping it would be, and he sighed in relief. “All right, one more check,” he said, turning to Varric and inspecting his ensemble.

Varric endured the scrutiny with tremendous amusement. “And you thought I couldn’t dress myself,” he teased.

“Yes, I will admit you did a good job...  _this_ time,” Dorian conceded with a faint smirk. At last, after a bit more fussing, he finally seemed as content as he could be. “Well, I believe we've done everything we can on our end. Now we just have to wait on a certain very lovely lady.”

An odd sort of signal was being passed from one student to another until it reached the ones with instruments, who sat just behind the gazebo. They immediately launched into the bridal music Bethany had selected, and everyone else got to their feet as the matron of honor, smirking a bit, walked into the courtyard ahead of her husband and sister. Hawke rarely wore dresses, but she was wearing one for the occasion in a soft russet color, and behind her, Bethany more or less floated in a short-sleeved princess gown of gold fabric. Her hair was pulled up and coiffed with the circlet from Josephine, and although her face still bore traces of the illness that would affect her for the rest of her life, no one could deny her happiness. Varric watched her with, for once, completely undisguised emotion.

Fenris, whose look of amusement was almost equal to his wife’s, walked Bethany to the gazebo and put her hand in Varric’s. “Be good to her,” he warned in a playfully threatening tone. “Break her heart, and I will kill you.”

There was a general chuckle, especially among the Kirkwall guests. Varric nodded with mock solemnity. “Understood.”

Bethany laughed as well, her eyes sparkling as her gaze roved between Varric and Fenris. She leaned forward to kiss the latter’s cheek. “Thanks, Fenris. This means a lot to me.” She then turned to Varric, her smile one of pure euphoria. “And hello, you. You look incredibly handsome.”

“Speaking as a writer, I’m somewhat ashamed that I don’t have sufficient words for what I’m seeing,” he replied. “Although...” He raised his voice. “I would just like to point out for the record that I _was_ , in fact, correct - I assumed for years that Choirboy was going to marry Sunshine. This isn’t quite what I was expecting, but I was still right!”

Another ripple of laughter came from the crowd, perhaps loudest from Bethany and Sebastian themselves. Bethany gave Varric’s arm a playful little swat. “Well, using that logic, I should be jealous of Sebastian too, since he’s also marrying you.”

“I don’t think I’m his type.”

“If we may?” Sebastian asked, chuckling. “I have a wedding to perform, and the more jokes you tell the longer it’s going to take.”

“Sorry.” Varric (who didn’t look sorry at all) took off his hat and passed it to Krem, who stood near Dorian. “Hold that for me, will you?”

“You got it, Professor T,” Krem said, accepting the hat with a smirk and looking like he was trying not to laugh. Dorian had a rather similar look, even though he shifted back and forth a bit, still obviously saying his silent prayer that everything would go perfectly.

* * *

Smiling benevolently, Sebastian began the traditional Andrastian wedding ceremony. He welcomed the guests and spoke a little about the situation. “I have thought for a long time that these two were perfect for each other,” he said confidentially. “So to use Varric’s words, I called it.”

Everything went smoothly until...

“May I have the rings please?”

Varric’s eyes widened, and he started patting his pockets. “Oh... uh...”

There were a few surprised gasps and quite a bit of whispering from the assembled crowd at that. Even Bethany looked just faintly puzzled. At Varric’s side, Dorian - who of course knew of the plan - immediately put his hands on his hips in mock indignation. “You forgot the rings? You had one job, Varric! Must I do everything myself? Shall I be the groom too?” he asked, sighing overdramatically.

“You know I’ve got them, Sunshine, I wouldn’t... wait... where did... hey - is this your card?” And from his front jacket pocket, Varric produced a King of Spades.

“Professor, maybe you’d better leave the magic to me.” Krem held up the top hat so everyone could see that it was empty, then peered into it and wiggled his fingers. “Aha!” With a grin, he reached into the hat and produced the missing platinum wedding bands. “And no, that wasn’t my card.”

Bethany immediately started to laugh, clapping her hands together in delight. The students did likewise, a small smattering of applause starting. From her place among the seated student body, Rory sighed. “Maker’s breath, how is it possible for any human being to be that cute?” she whispered to her Partners in Crime.

“He’s probably going to do that at your wedding,” Jim teased.

“Oh, stop it, you.”

Sebastian, chuckling heartily, took the rings and blessed them. “And now for the fun part,” he said. “Varric and Bethany wrote their own vows; I promise I have limited Varric to a two-minute speech consisting of words of fewer than five syllables.” He paused for chuckles. “Varric, if you would, please place the ring on Bethany’s finger and tell us what you’ve whipped up for this very special occasion.”

Varric took a deep breath, following directions. “Several years ago,” he said, “I watched these” - he gestured to the Hawke sisters - “two beautiful young women walk out of my brother’s office after he was dumb enough not to give them a job. And then I watched a pickpocket steal this one’s purse.” He indicated Hawke. “Within ten minutes I had punched the thief, returned the purse, and met my best friend and my Sunshine. Over the next couple years we ran around cleaning up Kirkwall’s mean streets and sort of driving each other crazy, with a slowly growing group of friends at our side. My world got turned upside down, repeatedly, and... well, now it’s happening again.” He grinned. “But this time it’s in the best possible way. I’ll never really understand why my Sunshine would be standing here with me, but thank you for making everything brighter.”

There were several coos of delight from the audience, and Bethany herself was smiling radiantly. She glanced at the band on her finger as she waited for the noise to die down and then, clutching Varric’s own ring in her hand, launched into her own speech. “It’s actually sort of funny that Varric calls me ‘Sunshine’, since _he_ has been _my_ light for so long too. My family and I have been through so much in recent years. I’ve been beyond fortunate to have the support system I do - my sister, my brother-in-law, all our friends in Kirkwall, all the amazing people here at Skyhold...” She glanced out at the teachers and students, then turned back to Varric, her gaze soft. “...and this wonderful man here. This wonderful man with such a giving, loving heart that he likes to hide behind the snark,” she added, laughing. “Varric, you have always been there for me - _always_ \- and that means more to me than I could ever possibly say. And now we get to always be there for each other.”

“Sunshine, you’re ruining my reputation,” he complained, and everyone laughed - which was good, since a lot of them were a bit teary. But he smiled, and nodded at Sebastian.

“Of course, now here’s my favorite part,” said Sebastian, who was still chuckling. “If there is anyone here who knows a just reason why these two should not be wed...” He paused. “Surely there’s no one here who’s _that_ foolish?”

Everyone laughed and there were a few audible “no!”s from the crowd. Bethany looked around in mock warning, particularly at her Kirkwall friends, grinning all the while. Dorian wore a similar look that seemed to say he would be very upset if anyone derailed this wedding after all the planning he had put into it.

Sebastian laughed again. “Well, then - Varric, do you swear before the Maker and Holy Andraste to love this woman until the end of your days?”

“Well...” His lips twitched. “I do.”

“And do you, Bethany, swear before the Maker and Holy Andraste to love this man until the end of your days?”

“I do,” she said, looking overjoyed. “Oh, I absolutely do.”

Sebastian paused. “I’ve known Varric for years, and I’ve never seen him this color,” he remarked. “What do you call that?”

“ _Vermilion_ ,” shouted Cullen, prompting hearty laughter from his fellow teachers. Varric himself laughed the hardest.

From his place at Varric’s side, Dorian snickered and patted the groom’s shoulder. “Well, you reap what you sow, Varric Tethras,” he teased.

Bethany was giggling, and reached out to take Varric’s hands. “Vermilion, eh? I like it.”

Sebastian raised his hands to quell the noise a little, still smiling. “Then by the power vested in me, as a brother of the Chantry of Light, I now pronounce you husband and wife! You may kiss the bride.”

Almost immediately, Bethany placed both hands on Varric’s shoulders and leaned in to kiss him. The students erupted into cheers and a few looked extremely emotional, a sentiment shared by a few of the teachers as well - chiefly Cassandra, who dabbed at her eyes.

Once they broke apart, Varric grinned, and rested his forehead against Bethany’s. “Completely worth it,” he joked. “Well... ready?”

Smiling, she nuzzled his cheek for a moment before leaning back with a giggle. “Very ready.”

He looked out at the assembled individuals, and held up a hand. “But wait, there’s more,” he called. Exchanging glances with Bethany, who had showed him their gift from Leliana, he declared, “ _Plot twist!_ Krem! Can you work a little more magic?”

“Coming right up, Professor!” Krem handed back the top hat, then retrieved a deck of cards from his pocket. “Professor Pentaghast, I need a lovely assistant! Would you please pick a card?”

All eyes were on Cassandra, who suddenly looked very confused. “Oh, uh... well... certainly.” She did so, looking puzzled.

“All right, please look at your card and put it back in the deck... now I’ll just shuffle these... oh no.” The cards very abruptly went spilling all over the ground. “Hm. Oh, wait! Professor Tethras, where’s that King of Spades?”

“Here you go.”

“Thanks! Professor Pentaghast... is this your card?” He held up the King of Spades, then turned it around to reveal the words WILL YOU MARRY ME? printed on the back in thick black capital letters.

For several seconds, Cassandra blinked as if not comprehending what she was seeing. Then, very abruptly, both of her hands flew to her mouth and she turned slowly in Mahanon’s direction, her wide eyes asking the question.

Mahanon smirked. With the increasing shrieking of the entire student body behind him, he shifted out of his chair and down on one knee. “We’re in a beautiful garden, everyone you love is already here... and I know it’s asking a lot, but Cassandra Allegra Portia Calogera Filomena Get-On-With-It Pentaghast, will you marry me... now?”

Cass stared for a moment while those who were in on the plan exchanged satisfied grins, and those who weren’t slowly took in the whole scene. Cullen, his eyes wide, had also covered his mouth in surprise, but looked delighted. From her place among the teachers, Josephine was trying her best to not squeal. The students, meanwhile, had ceased to shriek and instead went dead silent, anxiously waiting for Cassandra’s reply. After another heartbeat, Cass got to her feet and looked down at the kneeling Mahanon, her eyes glistening as she managed to nod. “Y-yes. Yes! Oh, Maker, I... you... how did you even...? Oh, it doesn’t matter - yes, I will marry you now!”

“For those who haven’t read it, the surprise wedding was part of the plot of my most recent book,” Varric called above the din of excitement from the students. “Free copies are available in the reception hall. General, don’t keep the man on his knees - get up here! Sunshine said you can even use her bouquet.”

Nodding again, looking bewildered and ready to cry in delight, Cass helped Non to his feet. “I can’t believe you planned this... I had no clue... I...” She looked around, as if overwhelmed. “Shouldn’t you be up there and I meet you? I don’t even have someone to walk with me.”

At once, Cullen stood and beamed at her, looking for all the world like a proud brother. “Yes, you do. If you’re willing, of course.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s willing,” said Mahanon, chuckling and pulling the ring box out of his jacket pocket. He made his way up to Sebastian, while Bethany moved to Cassandra’s side and handed off the bouquet.

“Go on out and come back in,” she suggested. “I think we can wait so you can do it properly.”

“Thank you, Bethany. I can’t believe you all put this together - and that you’re willing to share today with me.”

“Thank Varric,” she whispered, giving Cass a hug. “It was all his idea.”

“You know,” Cullen chuckled, still looking gobsmacked himself, “that part actually doesn’t surprise me at all.” He then offered his arm to his old friend, smiling warmly. “Well, shall we?”

“Oh, Maker, yes.”

 


	9. The Real Reason the Kids Showed Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The only thing that can follow an epic double wedding is, of course, an epic double reception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This will almost certainly be the last time I update this fic before Christmas. I apologize for the wait, but I'm in retail and managed to get hit by a small multitude of personal crises at the same time. This December is a very long one for me. Fortunately, things will soon be calming down, and meanwhile, here's the start of the wedding reception for your enjoyment. AB and I hope you have/had a merry whatever you celebrate!

* * *

**Chapter Nine: The Real Reason the Kids Showed Up**

* * *

 

The day would, it was universally agreed, be long remembered as one of the most extraordinary in Skyhold history - and that _was_ saying something. Reaching the main hall for the reception revealed that not only was the karaoke equipment set up and waiting to party, but there were two wedding cakes, very different and obviously designed for the two newly wedded pairs. One was a tiered white cake with multicolored frosting roses spilling over the tiers like a waterfall, with dark-haired bride and groom figures sitting on the top; the other was a massive sheet cake, adorned with a cake topper of a bride and groom on a motorcycle.

Evvy was grinning. “Now it’s like we’re double honorary sisters-in-law,” she told Cass with a laugh. “We married each other’s adopted brothers. Oh, I’m so glad you liked the surprise!”

“It was _wonderful_.” Cass sighed, her eyes still sparkling. “That part of Varric’s book was so perfect and romantic... to think I’m actually living that scene!” She slapped her right hand to her forehead and peered at the rings on her left hand, as if she was still in delighted disbelief.

“I knew Non had bought the engagement ring,” Evvy confided, “and was just trying to find a completely perfect way to ask you. So when Varric came to Dorian and me with his idea, it was like the answer to his prayers.”

“Well, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined Varric and myself having a double wedding, but I’m very glad that’s how it happened.” Cass beamed. “Thank you all so much for this.”

“You deserve it. You both do - you _all_ do,” said Evvy warmly. “Also, I’m pretty sure my husband is going to sing something for your first dance. Or maybe Dorian is - one of them is doing yours and the other is doing Varric and Bethany’s.”

“I have a feeling I know what Varric and Bethany’s is going to be, but I’m excited to see what Mahanon picked for ours.” She smiled all the wider. “And speaking of your husband, I hope he knows just how much I appreciated him walking me down the aisle.”

“I don’t think he would have let anyone else have the honor,” Evvy joked. “But I’ll be sure to mention it to him, just in case. Come on, everyone’s getting settled and we’ve got some toasts to make.”

Cassandra allowed herself to be led over to the tables and took a seat next to Mahanon, smiling softly as she took his hand. As soon as everyone was seated, Dorian rose and, clearing his throat, clinked his knife against his wine glass. As everyone fell silent, he smiled and held out a hand.

“Skyhold students, staff, and very special guests, thank you all for being here today for Skyhold Academy’s first ever double wedding. Now, I know there are probably a number of you who are surprised to see me up here. Well, I’m sure you’re not surprised to see me up here giving a speech - after all, anyone in my music classes can tell you my mellifluous voice combined with my wit and charm make me an excellent public speaker. No, I mean to see me up here as best man to Varric Tethras of all people... now _that’s_ something.” He smirked slightly. “And believe me, I was surprised to be asked. Over the years, you could say that Varric and I have had a somewhat vitriolic friendship.” He held up a hand, still smiling. “Yes, I said it, a friendship. It’s a strange friendship to be sure - he mocks my clothing, I mock his books, we find new and creative ways to poke fun at each other in increasingly more public venues, sometimes using our friends and even our students to help us. But at the end of the day, it is a friendship - in truth, it’s more than that; we’ve come to realize that Evangeline is the sister I never had, and Varric is the brother I never wanted.” He paused for a few chuckles. “In all seriousness, I’m truly honored to stand before you today as his best man - honored and extremely proud to have been a part of it as he begins his new life with this incredible woman he calls his Sunshine. I’m going to stop now, before I say something _too_ syrupy, and instead invite you all to join me in raising a glass to the happy couple. To my ‘brother’ and his new bride - to Varric and Bethany Tethras.”

Varric made an exaggerated show of wiping his eyes, although he was pretty sure Bethany wasn’t fooled. Once everyone had drunk to the first pair of newlyweds, Evvy rose to take Dorian’s place. “Because of the nature of the surprise wedding, Non didn’t have a best man - my brother Nathaniel couldn’t really show up without risking ruining the surprise. Don’t worry, we had his blessing to proceed without him. So I’m sort of the honorary best woman, and therefore the toasting duty falls to me.”

She gestured to the Lavellans. “I’ve known Non since we were in preschool, but I honestly didn’t intend to introduce him to Cass, even though in hindsight I realized she’s everything he ever wanted in a girlfriend.” She paused for some laughter and clapping. “It was entirely an accident, and I’m terribly grateful to her for taking him off of my hands. No, in all seriousness, he remains my oldest friend and one of my dearest, and now - as I told Cassandra, we’re honorary sisters-in-law twice over, since we married each other’s honorary brothers. May you both always be as happy as you deserve, because you deserve all the happiness you can find. Esteemed guests, I give you Mahanon and Cassandra Lavellan.”

Everyone toasted a second time, then applauded the two newlywed pairs. Bethany beamed out at the crowd and then at Varric, while Cass waved a bit shyly and patted Mahanon’s hand.

Varric rose and took the microphone from Evvy. “We’re just glad you’re all here. Now, please eat and let’s get on with the performances, yes? I know that’s the real reason the kids showed up.”

Everyone laughed at that and the students turned their attention to their meals, a pleasant buzz of chatter beginning as they did so. Bethany, meanwhile, turned her attention to Varric. “So,” she said, smiling widely. “I don’t know about you, but I think today has been absolutely perfect.”

“Sunshine, if this day got any better, I think I’d be terrified.” He chuckled and kissed her hand. “By the way, do you remember what I once told you about killing people with jealousy if you dressed too nicely? I’m amazed that we don’t have wedding guests falling down dead.”

“Aren’t you sweet? Thank you, I’m glad to hear the ensemble delivers.” She placed a hand on his arm. “And you! I know I already told you that you look handsome - and I knew I would enjoy that hat - but I had no idea it was also magic.” She winked.

“I can’t tell you all my secrets,” he objected, his tone fond. “I like to keep you guessing. Always leave the audience wanting more, Sunshine.”

“Good advice – I will certainly try to follow it.” She beamed and leaned in to kiss his cheek. “And speaking of guessing – want to try and guess what your gift is?”

“Hmm... is it bigger than a breadbox?”

“Oh, it’s much bigger than a breadbox. So large that it has to stay where it is – in fact, it staying put is kind of the point.”

Genuinely puzzled now, he tilted his head. “Is it a building or something? They didn’t erect a statue to me in Kirkwall, did they? I mean, they could, but that’s a little showy even for me.”

She giggled. “No, but I’ll keep that in mind if I’m ever in a bind for an anniversary gift or something. Okay, well, I knew I needed something big - something grandiose - and I know you really appreciated everything the hospital in Kirkwall did for me during my treatment, so I figured out a way to get a reading room set up there in your name so the patients can enjoy books during treatment. That includes your books too, of course.”

For a moment, Varric simply gaped at her. “Are you serious?” he asked finally. “Sunshine, that is... I can’t imagine anything better that that. You’re something else.” He pulled her to him. “How is it you’re the only one who can leave me speechless?”

“I’m the only one, the only who can get to you,” she said, laughing as she snuggled up against him. “In all seriousness, though, I’m so glad you like it. Happy wedding.”

“Happy everything, Sunshine.” He sounded more than a little stunned. “Hey. You need to eat, and as nice as this is, it’s not real conducive to you getting some food in you.”

She pretended to sigh in exasperation, but grinned all the while. “Okay, okay, if you say so. For you, food it is. Need my strength for duets and dancing, after all.”

“There’s my Sunshine. Besides, I hear the food is really good. It had better be, anyway,” he added with a smirk.

From her place at the table, Cassandra was likewise not paying the food much attention, continually fiddling with her new rings instead. “I’ve never been much for jewelry, but this is a very nice exception to that rule,” she told Mahanon fondly. “I’m still in awe of this whole thing, you know.”

“That was the idea,” he said, taking her hand and squeezing. “We wanted to surprise you. You’re a good friend to everyone, you’re there when they need you... you deserved something special. But I knew I’d have to take you by surprise, and I was really struggling to find something. Then Ev called, and it was such a crazy idea that I had to do it.”

“Well, I’m very glad you did. Of course, I would have said yes no matter what and any wedding we had would have been perfect... but a wild surprise whirlwind of a thing? Well, you know me, my love - I love the romance. And I don’t think anything could have been more romantic than that.”

“I do know you. I was only worried that you would be upset with sharing your big day with anyone - but that’s why Varric wrote the book the way he did,” he explained. “And when you loved that ending, we knew it would be okay. I just wanted our wedding to be as amazing and memorable as you are.”

She smiled and draped her arms over his shoulders. “My husband the flatterer,” she chuckled, then paused. “My _husband_. I suspect I’m going to enjoy saying that.”

“I’m not exactly hating the words _my wife_ either, you know,” he teased. “We’ll have to work out the logistics of our living arrangements, since I still do a lot of work in the Free Marches, but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

“And so am I,” she promised. “We have the rest of our lives, after all. I would say that’s plenty of time to figure everything out.”

He chuckled. “Maybe I can even take up some part time work for the school,” he said, half seriously, “helping to find kids who need to be here. We could even swipe a couple for ourselves, sort of like Ev did with Cole.”

Her eyes widened at that, and she smiled brightly. “You know what? I think that sounds like an excellent idea.”

“We’ll work it out.” He kissed her forehead. “Come on, we have a wedding day to celebrate first.”

* * *

When everyone had finished their meals, their excitement turned towards the reception. As the dance floor was cleared, Dorian turned to Cullen and gestured with his head in the direction of the karaoke equipment. “I made a bit of an educated guess in assuming you might want to sing for your honorary second big sister. Was I correct in that assumption?”

“Yes, yes you were,” Cullen replied with a chuckle. “Just tell me when and what.”

Smirking a bit, Dorian cued up the song Mahanon had selected, letting Cullen review the lyrics. “I’ll do Varric and Bethany’s - I know which one they want, of course. But I think we can let Cassandra have the first dance.”

Cullen nodded, scanning the lyrics with a smile. “Perfect. I guess I had better get up there, then.” He made his way up to the stage a moment later, waving as the crowd fell silent. “Hello, everyone. It’s my pleasure to be able to sing for one of my closest friends today. So, I would like to invite Mr. and Mrs. Lavellan out for their first dance, if I may.”

There was a fair bit of applause as Mahanon led Cassandra out into the dance area, and a number of the students were quite thoroughly delighted by the look on her face. “Professor P looks _so_ happy,” one girl could be heard sighing.

“She does. They both do - look at those smiles,” agreed her friend, likewise sighing, her tone dreamy. “Maker, take me now.”

Those looks of bliss were not lost on Cullen either, who stood beaming on the stage. He had been almost as surprised as Cassandra had been at this turn of events, but also extremely delighted. Cass gave so much of herself - she deserved this type of fairy tale. Still smiling, he gestured for the music to be started and launched into “Let My Love Open the Door”, which was an extremely apt song to describe how Cass and Non had found each other.

If anyone could have been more pleased for them, it was Evvy, who rocked baby Skye to the music as she watched them dance. “Now your Uncle Non will be as happy as your father,” she told her daughter. “Or close to it, anyway. And Auntie Cass too. What is it your Uncle Varric calls us? The ‘happy Skyhold family’?” She chuckled. “Let’s not forget he’s happy now too... he wasn’t, my love, not for a long time. You picked a good year to come and be with us.”

Skye seemed almost hilariously transfixed on the scene, as if trying to figure out what on earth her father was doing. Then, after a moment, she gesticulated as if trying to imitate the way Cass and Non were moving, and cooed in what sounded like approval.

Out on the dance floor, Cass smiled joyfully as she settled in Non’s arms. “I suppose this isn’t terrible,” she teased him. “And an excellent choice of song too, I might add.”

He chuckled and twirled her a bit. “It certainly fits... it took me a little while to open the door to your heart.”

“Well... probably not as long as you think.” She smiled a bit wider. “I just had to get to the point where I could admit it to myself - it seems to be a Skyhold trait.”

“You’re all too devoted to the kids and don’t think enough of yourselves,” he said with a grin. “Must be why Evvy had Cullen so confused - she just walked in and said ‘ooh, I want that one,’ and pointed.”

She laughed at that. “That’s not a bad system, actually. And something tells me you employed a bit of a similar operation that night at The Fade.”

“Guilty as charged, Mrs. Lavellan.”

She laughed again and leaned in to kiss him as the song ended. As Cullen finished singing, she turned to wave her thanks; he returned the gesture, looking extremely proud and overjoyed for her as he left the stage.

Dorian took his place, and chuckled. “I claimed the right of singing for today’s _other_ newlyweds,” he said, “and I’m sure at least half of you can guess what their song is going to be. None of us knew, the first time we heard Varric sing this, exactly what he meant by it. He told us he was just homesick for Kirkwall - which was only a partial truth. Once we understood the rest, we realized just how appropriate these lyrics are - or at least, how appropriate they _used_ to be. Things are quite different now.” Nodding at Varric and Bethany, he started the music and launched into “Metropolis.”

Smiling warmly, Bethany arranged herself to begin the dance, her eyes shining. “No matter what, this will always be my song. Ah, correction - _our_ song. Even though we’ve solved the problem of distance, of course, this will still always remind me of how you somehow still managed to lift me up, even when you were so far away.”

“Well, I certainly was _trying_ ,” he replied. “There were a few times I almost came tearing home because I couldn’t stand it anymore. Worrying and waiting and wondering - huh, now I sound like Cole.”

She giggled. “Well, you did more than try - you succeeded. Being able to Skype with you, to listen to this song after you all did the concert... it kept me upright on more than one occasion. So thank you.”

“Thank _you_ for getting better. And for having such questionable taste in men.”

“On both accounts, you are very welcome,” she said, laughing again. “Best reward for getting better that anyone could ask for.”

“Shit, if I’d known it would have helped, I’d have proposed the day you were diagnosed,” he teased her.

“No, no, I’m glad it happened the way it did. It was a long road, and occasionally a dark one, but it made the destination that much sweeter. I wouldn’t trade that for anything.”

“That’s my girl,” he said simply, kissing her forehead.

Still smiling blissfully, she allowed him to guide her through the rest of the dance. When Dorian finished, she glanced towards the stage and then back at her husband. “So when do you want to do that fabulous duet? Should we give everyone else a go and then dazzle them or dazzle them now?”

“Good question. If we go now, everyone might be afraid to follow,” he joked. “Let’s let the others play for a bit, and then we’ll wow them.”

“Sounds good to me. Just gives me more of a chance to snuggle you,” she said with a laugh. “And I’m curious to see what the others have up their sleeves or if they happen to find some inspiration as the night goes on.”

* * *

The afternoon wore on pleasantly, and the same photographers who had covered the last Skyhold wedding were put through their paces trying to capture everything the newlyweds could possibly want in their respective albums. There was a family picture of the Hawkes, and one of the Rutherfords with the Lavellans, and one of Varric and his ‘adopted siblings’ - Evvy sandwiched between himself and Dorian, their smiles all similarly impish despite the complete lack of blood relation.

“So...” Evvy sidled up to her husband, who was watching his sister dance with Michel. “Are you enjoying yourself, love?”

“Immensely,” he said with a smile, glancing over at her. “I was excited enough for Varric and Bethany, then add Cass and Mahanon to that...” He shook his head, as if acknowledging that no words existed which could possibly convey how pleased he was. “So that was the mysterious surprise no one would tell me about.”

“My apologies for that. I was sworn to secrecy,” she explained, chuckling. “Apart from Varric and Bethany, the only ones who were in on it were myself, Dorian, Hawke, and of course Mahanon. And I think the only reason I was brought in was to ensure that Non was on board.”

“Don't apologize - it was a lovely surprise. So many of our friends get to be as happy as we are, Cass gets the fairy tale wedding she deserves... and you know, it's actually sort of beautiful that Cass and Varric had their weddings like this. She was his confidant for so much of the year Bethany was ill, so it just seems _right._ ”

“Maybe that’s why he decided to do it,” she suggested. “It was all his idea, you know. Maybe it was his way of thanking her for her support - while still getting the chance to troll her at the same time, of course.”

Cullen laughed. “Of course. I would expect nothing less. But it's wonderful to see everyone so happy.”

“It certainly is that. Now... I’ve just fed her and changed her and gotten her all prettied up again.” She handed him their daughter. “Why don’t you start teaching Skye here how to dance, and I’ll see if I can’t find our son for similar purposes.”

“Well, if a better idea exists, I've yet to hear it.” He beamed, giving Skye a little tickle. “What do you say, little one? Want to see if your da still knows how to dance after all this time?”

Evvy found Cole, to her immense pleasure, in the company of the “Partners in Crime” and Krem. “I came to steal you for a dance, dear, but if you’re enjoying yourself with your friends that’s all right too. Are you all having a good time?”

“Oh, yes, a wonderful time!” said Rory, evidently delighted. “This has been amazing!”

“The surprise wedding made her cry,” Jim reported, elbowing her playfully.

“You bet it did. Examine that sentence for a moment - surprise wedding? Of course I cried.”

“You weren’t the only one, I assure you.” Evvy chuckled. “Hey, did you two write that fanfic that Professor Tethras requested?”

Both Jim and Rory nodded. “We sorta had a few started,” she admitted. “The hardest part was just deciding which one to pick to continue. I hope he likes it.”

“I’m sure he will. I look forward to the dramatic reading,” Evvy added with a laugh. “And speaking of dramatic readings, I bet if you ask nicely, Mrs. Tethras will show off the poem he wrote for her. It’s quite something.”

All three Partners in Crime exchanged an excited glance at that, but Rory - ever the Poetry Club devotee - spoke up first, her eyes wide. “Wait, there's a poem? Is it like an epic poem? Oh, I totally want to see this now.”

“Remember the one he wrote for Professor Rutherford and me? Same sort of epic-ness,” Evvy confirmed. “But with a sun and moon theme, because he calls Bethany his Sunshine.”

She gasped and hung on to Krem’s arm as if for support. “Maker give me strength, I need that in my life. That's too cute for words.”

“Yeah,” added Nessa. “I never would have used the word _cute_ for Professor Tethras before you came, Mrs. R. But these last couple years...”

“These last couple years have been incredible,” Jim finished for her, glancing around at the group with a smile. “For _everyone_ , I’d say.”

Cole nodded, looking thoughtful. “So much good in such a short time - such a change in us and in Skyhold. Songs and stories, different dreams, new normals - new ways of binding us together. Friends and family, homes for those who had none. It’s good.”

Evvy ruffled her son’s hair fondly. “It’s very good. And Krem, the magic tricks were too funny! You’re getting pretty good at this.”

“Oh, thanks, Mrs. R,” he said modestly. “I’ve never been a Not-So-Mad Hatter before, so I liked that description in the wedding program. Coach suggested that Professor T have me do something, but I wasn’t told about the card trick until almost the last possible minute.”

“The card trick was _brilliant._ ” Nessa giggled.

“Oh, I know. Too good,” Rory added, smiling at Krem. “I can’t believe they didn’t tell you about that - you rolled with it so well! You’ve got a lot of hidden improv talent, hon.”

“Thanks, babe.” He was clearly trying not to look _too_ pleased, draping one arm around her shoulders.

Evvy stifled a giggle. “Are any of you going to sing?” she asked instead.

“I dunno, maybe!” Nessa said brightly. “I could sing ‘How Far I’ll Go’ - that’s what I was going to sing at the talent show before Professor T came to me with the excellent idea to do ‘Shiny’ instead.” She snickered. “So we’ll see. I really want Jimmy to tap dance, that’s what I’m hoping for.”

“Not. Happening.”

Both of his Partners in Crime pouted, giving him wide-eyed looks of pleading. From their side, Cole glanced out at the dance floor. “When you dance, you have to listen with your feet as well as your heart,” he said, repeating something he had mentioned at his own parents’ wedding. “Father taught me how to dance, and Uncle Dorian and Mother taught him. I can’t tap dance, though. I think my feet would get confused.” He nodded as if he could sympathize with Jim’s plight.

Everyone sort of chuckled. “Well said, dear,” said his mother. “Now, if I can steal you for that dance? And I think your friends should make sure to dance too.” She smiled at all of them.

“Of course,” he said with a smile of his own. The Partners in Crime bobbed their heads to show they would take Evvy’s suggestion.

“We’ll see you soon, Cole!” said Nessa, waving. “Have fun!”


	10. A Creditable Impression of an Aging Boy Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reception continues. The title should tell you one of the things that happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello and Happy 2018! I hope you all had a wonderful and restful holiday season. I did not, but things are finally settling down around here and I have a stretch of several days ahead of me in which I will be doing lots of resting and writing. We're winding down this story, with more reception here and one more chapter detailing the final surprises Varric has cooked up for everyone, followed by one last treat. Then it's off to the next installment of the series! We're looking forward to giving cameos to everyone who "enrolled" at Skyhold Academy - if you haven't yet, be sure to comment with your interest and let us know what name you'd like us to use! Thanks for making last year a great one for both of us (at least as far as fanfic goes) and we hope you'll continue to stick with us for months to come.

* * *

**Chapter Ten: A Creditable Impression of an Aging Boy Band**

* * *

The afternoon continued in a cacophony of music and laughter. Jim resisted all attempts to get him to tap dance, but after a while, he pointed at the stage. “Look, I think Professor T is going to sing.”

The Partners in Crime - and several students in the student body - squealed at this. After all, Varric’s performance of “Metropolis” during the teachers’ very first concert had become nothing short of legendary. Bethany looked likewise delighted, and rubbed her hands together in anticipation as she grinned.

“So... is everybody having a good time?” Varric asked, gesturing expansively. He was met with a cheer of approval and many affirmative shouts. Bethany whistled in response, giggling to herself. “Good. We aim to please.” He looked possibly more relaxed than they’d ever seen him. “But I’ve had a couple of requests that I think need addressing, so if I could have my fellow bridegroom, the best man, the previous bridegroom, and the Not-So-Mad Hatter join me ‘backstage’, we’ll get to work on that list.”

There were some chuckles and a few cheers at that as, grinning, the men in question all began to rally. From her place, Rory’s eyes widened and she looked at Krem in something like shock. “Wait. Wait, what? Is this what I think it’s going to be?”

“Probably! I don’t know myself, but whatever it is, I need my biggest fangirl front and center.” He kissed her cheek and sauntered off to join the others, trying not to smirk too broadly.

“Maker’s breath, Rory, you are _so_ lucky,” said one of her classmates with a sigh.

“Oh, don’t I know it,” she said, slightly in a daze and already beginning to blush furiously. “If I ever find out what I did to deserve this, I’ll let you know.” She drifted closer to the stage at once, Jim and Nessa following behind her, giggling.

From his place where he had been holding Skye, Cullen rose and approached Evvy. “Duty calls, I’m afraid,” he chuckled.

“I certainly hope Varric arranged for video evidence of all of this,” she said with a laugh, accepting the precious bundle. “Have fun, love.”

“I always do,” he replied, smiling as he kissed both her and Skye’s foreheads, then disappeared in the direction of the stage. “Well, it looks like the surprises just keep coming,” he said at last when he had joined the assembled group.

“A couple of our admirers wanted another boy band tribute like we did at your wedding, Curly,” Varric explained. “Anyone have a preference for what song we do?”

Everyone was silent for a moment as they deliberated. Then, Cullen snapped his fingers as a thought struck him. “What’s the one that plays at the end of _Mulan_? ‘True to Your Heart’? I imagine the kids would like that.”

“That’s a good one. Haven’t heard it in ages, though,” Krem admitted. “We have time for a quick rehearsal, maybe outside?”

“Of course. It has to be perfect, after all,” said Dorian with a little grin. “I think everyone can amuse themselves during our brief absence, as sad as a lack of our presence may be.”

“We’ll make it worth the wait,” Mahanon agreed. “Let’s go.”

* * *

Several minutes later they filed onto the stage again, to several cheers and whistles. To achieve a somewhat uniform look, the five had shed their jackets and vests, leaving them in their white dress shirts, and the sleeves of these were rolled to the elbows. Varric, anticipating his wife’s whim, had even scrounged up the white trilby he’d worn for their previous performance. He gave her a wink as he started the music.

There was a delighted roar of recognition as “True to Your Heart” started (and Rory quite literally needed to be propped up by Jim and Nessa). Bethany let out a tiny giggle at the sight of the hat, slapping a hand over her mouth and shaking her head. Where Cass stood, she made a similar sort of gesture, grinning broadly.

When the first song ended, Varric tipped the hat back and smirked at the audience. “We were asked to do that because apparently we do a creditable impression of an aging boy band,” he joked.

“Speak for yourself, I’m not aging!” Dorian protested.

“Right, Sparkler. Anyway, was that to your liking, or do we have to do another one?”

“Well, if you're offering...” Bethany called, netting a laugh in between the cheering and applause.

Varric heaved a put-upon sigh. “My wife, ladies and gentlepersons,” he said, gesturing in her direction. She smiled innocently and waved, then curtsied as everyone laughed again. “Well, it’s generally understood that I can’t say no when she asks so nicely,” he continued, “so... maestro?” He nodded at Dorian.

“With pleasure,” Dorian replied, smirking as he started the next song, which turned out to be “As Long as You Love Me.”

If the audience had been enthusiastic for the previous song, it was possible that they were even more so for this one. Cass drifted over to where Bethany stood and patted her shoulder as if in congratulations for a job well done. Nearby, Rory was clinging to Nessa for support as she watched Krem. “You guys, he’s so perfect I’m gonna die.”

Nessa giggled. “You are simultaneously the most hated and most admired girl in the school,” she said affectionately. “Well, you _would_ be the most hated if anybody could bring themselves to hate you, anyway. But they can’t.”

“I totally wouldn’t blame them, though - I’d hate me if the shoe was on the other foot.” She shook her head, eyes wide. “I mean, good gracious…” She gestured between herself and the stage. “I can’t even.”

“I know the feeling, Rory,” said Evvy, standing nearby and adjusting Skye’s earplugs. “But he’s as lucky to have you as you are to have him.”

“Aww, thank you, Mrs. Rutherford. That’s sweet.” Rory smiled, then turned back to the stage. “You’re definitely, _definitely_ right that I’m lucky. Oh goodness me, am I lucky.”

Onstage, Krem glanced down and winked at her while singing the refrain. There were a few small shrieks and sighs of envy from surrounding students, and the other men singing did their level best not to laugh. Rory likewise shrieked, placing both hands over her heart. Jim patted her shoulder, grinning from ear to ear. “Breathe, girl, breathe.”

“ _Breathe_? How? What even is air?” she whispered back, transfixed on the stage while her friends giggled.

The song came to an end, and the five men waved at the cheering students as they filed offstage. Mahanon, however, doubled back. “I thought of one I’d like to do,” he said, fiddling with the machine. “For my wife. Kind of like that word.”

Now it was Cassandra’s turn to place her hands over her heart, smiling warmly as her husband began a song called “Written on My Heart.” There were several squeals, mostly from the students, and Bethany grinned at Cass. “They're pretty good at this whole husband thing, aren't they?” she said, chuckling.

“They are,” Cass agreed. “I think we'll keep them.”

“Well, I should hope so,” said Varric, coming up behind them in time to hear the exchange. “Pretty sure nobody kept the receipt. Dance, Sunshine?”

“But of course.” She smiled, leading him out to the middle of the floor. “So, that was quite the performance. Or should I say two performances.”

“We still have our duet, and I’m going to sing something for you a bit later too,” he promised. “But for now, this works for me.”

“It works for me too, trust me.” She put her head on his shoulder for a moment, then pulled back to look at him again. “Although I am excited for both of those numbers you have planned. And I _may_ even have something planned of my own.”

“Call me shocked.” He chuckled.

“ _You gave me your love, lifted me up, now I'm looking at forever... When I never thought I'd ever see that far_ ,” Non was singing. “ _You, you're in my soul wherever I go... Now I know right from the start your love was written on my heart._ ”

Cass watched him and sighed dreamily, glancing around at her friends as they danced together to the melody. As she did so, Cole drifted over, holding baby Skye while his parents danced. “Your smile looks like the sun, Aunt Cassandra,” he mused. “Father is sunlight, and Bethany is sunshine - but you’re just as bright.”

“Thank you, Cole,” she said warmly. “And you and your sister are two of the brightest figures in Skyhold, you know.”

He smiled at that, looking genuinely pleased. “You all make us this bright - but if we help bring light to everyone, then I'm glad. I think Skye would be as well.”

As if in response, the baby mumbled a bit and curled more tightly against Cole’s chest. Cassandra chuckled. “You’re very good with her.”

“She’s very good with me, too,” he said, placing a hand on the back of his sister’s head the way Cullen sometimes did to him. “She likes to watch me do things. Sometimes the way I move my hands or the tone of my voice makes her smile. She’s like me - she likes to observe, to learn.”

“She’ll grow up very smart and creative, just like you and your parents. And you’ll teach her all sorts of things.” Cass smiled a little sadly. “I had an older brother like you, Cole. A long time ago. When I see you with Skye, it makes me think of him and how he used to take care of me.”

Cole blinked at her, thinking. “I don’t know how all brothers are, but if your brother felt for you what I feel for Skye, he must have enjoyed watching you learn, getting to see you grow, calling you ‘sister’. He would be very proud of you, Aunt Cassandra.”

“Thank you.” Her voice was a little choked, but she smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he said, returning her smile, before drifting off to see what his friends were up to. He was able to find Jim and Nessa with very little effort, while a blushing Rory was letting herself be guided through a dance with Krem, despite her objections that she would step on his feet.

As the song wound to its conclusion, Mahanon blew Cassandra a kiss and waved at Evvy before putting the microphone back in its stand. “Oh - hold on,” he said, leaning into it again and looking at Solas, who seemed to be trying to tell him something. “I’m being informed that - what? The cakes aren’t going to cut themselves? Do you guys want cake?”

Everyone laughed, shouting their approval of such an idea. Bethany was among them, laughing heartily and wearing her enjoyment on her face as plain as day. “Cake sounds good to me,” she said, grinning at Varric.

“I’m not going to argue with cake,” he agreed. “Lead the way. Let’s go, Lockpick!”

They made their way over to where the two wedding cakes were waiting to be cut. Bethany stood in front of the one obviously made for her and Varric. “This is almost too gorgeous to eat! _Almost_.”

Cass gave Mahanon a mock glare as they stood in front of theirs. “I’m warning you now that if that cake goes anywhere on my face… well, let’s just say you would be wise to make sure it doesn’t.” She chuckled.

“Duly noted, madam,” he replied, picking up the knife. “You have my word as a man of honor, there will be no cake shoving.”

Once he and Cass had finished cutting their cake, he passed the knife to Varric, who gave Bethany a wink. “This suit’s a rental, Sunshine. Please keep that in mind,” he teased.

“Now that sounds like the statement of a man who isn’t forbidding getting a piece of cake in the face,” she said, grinning.

“Not like you can make it worse,” he fired back.

She laughed at that and, upon cutting the first slice, swiped her finger through the frosting and painted it across his cheek, looking pleased with herself. “There. A work of art.” She snickered.

Varric chuckled. “You’ve been waiting to do that, haven’t you?” he asked, lifting the piece of cake to her mouth.

“Maybe just a little,” she admitted, still smiling as she accepted the bite. “Ooh. I’m not going to be upset with more of that if such an option exists.”

“It’s _your_ wedding cake, Sunshine. You get to have as much as you want,” he assured her, taking a bite himself as she maneuvered the piece toward his mouth. “Mm. Yeah, that’s good.”

“Well, one of the many good things about double weddings is double the cake. But we’ll make sure everyone gets some before I make a play for seconds.” She laughed. “Especially Solas - he’s been so patient, bless him.”

“Yeah, his sweet tooth is worse than mine - and that’s saying something,” he said with a chuckle. “Let’s not get in his way.”

Soon, both cakes were divvied up and passed out to everyone - Bethany was even able to nab a little bit extra, which delighted her greatly. As everyone enjoyed their dessert, chatting amongst themselves, she nudged Varric playfully. “So when do we get our turn up there?” she asked, gesturing to the stage with her head.

“You want to do it now while everybody’s eating?” he offered.

“Sounds perfect. Then we get to fight over who goes first in our dueling solos,” she added with a laugh.

“All right, come on.” They made their way back to the stage and Varric tapped the microphone playfully. “Good cake, am I right?” He chuckled at the affirmative responses. “Well, while you’re enjoying that, we’ve been planning to sing a little something together and now seems like a good time to do it. In fact... isn’t that what you two did?” He pointed at Cullen and Evvy. “Apparently cakes and newlywed duets just go together at Skyhold.” He handed Bethany a second microphone and cued up the song.

Smiling, Bethany began to sing “At the Beginning”, her voice more choked with emotion than she had expected it to be. But the lyrics of the song had immediately reminded her of the journey she and Varric had taken to get to this point when she stumbled upon them, and singing it with him now just emphasized that fact. “ _We were strangers starting out on a journey, never dreaming what we’d have to go through. Now here we are and I’m suddenly standing at the beginning with you._ ” It was an extremely apt lyric and she found herself smiling all the wider as she watched him with undisguised joy and love.

He was actually a little worried, watching her, seeing how much it was affecting her; for the rest of her life, he was going to worry. He couldn’t help it. Carefully he wrapped an arm around her waist so she had support. “ _I’ll be there when the world stops turning; I’ll be there when the storm is through; in the end, I want to be standing at the beginning with you._ ”

She guessed what he was thinking and just shook her head fondly as they continued to sing. She put her free hand on his cheek as she sang the line, “ _Knew there was somebody somewhere like me alone in the dark. Now I know my dream will live on. I’ve been waiting so long, nothing’s gonna tear us apart_.” Her smile was luminous and she gave him a little nod as they continued on together.

“They’re adorable,” Hawke muttered to Fenris. “ _Not_ a word I normally associate with Varric.”

“No, nor I,” he agreed, watching as the two sang. “But it’s true. It’s like they’re both exactly the thing the other was missing.”

“Sounds familiar,” she teased him. “Very familiar, actually.” She gestured around at the assorted couples in the room.

“Well, there’s only one explanation,” he said, his tone very much indicative of what Varric would probably call his “brooding” demeanor. “We’re all just hopeless romantics.” He immediately smirked.

“Clearly.” She laughed, and nudged him. “Finish your cake, Broody.”

He gave her a teasing glare, then chuckled. “Whatever you say.” 

Up on stage, Bethany and Varric’s duet was coming to an end. She took his hand and gave it a squeeze, her eyes a little misty, but her face lit with happiness. Quite a few people were wiping tears away as they finished, cheering and clapping enthusiastically. Bethany gave a grateful wave as they did so.

“Not too shabby,” her husband joked, helping her down the stairs. “It’s always better when you can make ‘em a little weepy, am I right?” He was pretending not to notice that she herself was in that state, or that he himself was a bit closer to it than usual.

“Oh, most definitely. I would have been disappointed if that hadn’t been the case,” she said with a smile, kissing his cheek. “And what of you? Are you going to make everyone cry even more or lighten the mood?”

“I think I’ll give these vocal cords a bit of a rest and maybe loosen them with a drink,” he replied. “Someone else can cheer everybody up for a little while.”

“Oh, well in that case, I have just the thing,” she declared, smirking. “And after you just helped me down the stairs like a gentleman. Sorry, love!” She kissed his cheek again and immediately bounded back up the steps as much as her shoes and dress would allow her.

Varric blinked. “Well, all right then,” he mumbled, ambling over to where he could get the aforementioned drink. “Sunshine’s in better shape than I thought.”

“You can say that again,” said a voice, which belonged to a very amused-looking Dorian.

Up on stage, Bethany waved once more. “Me again!” she said cheerfully into the microphone. Still smiling broadly, she launched into “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” while the students cheered. She glanced at Varric several times as she sang, but mostly played to the audience until the line “ _In this world we’re just beginning to understand the miracle of living. Baby, I was afraid before - I’m not afraid anymore_ ” which she sang emphatically as she beamed in Varric’s direction. As predicted, the students shrieked like they had lost their minds.

From his position beside Dorian, Varric just laughed, shaking his head, and lifted his glass to her. “She’s something else,” he remarked, half to himself.

“Indeed,” Dorian agreed, watching as she finished and blew a kiss first to Varric and then to the cheering students. “A match made in Heaven, to borrow her song title.”

“Or whatever you want to call it.” Varric chuckled. “So, ‘brother,’ any thoughts on today?”

“It’s been interesting, I’ll give you that. A double, partially surprise wedding is certainly a first, even for me.” He chuckled, grinning slightly. “But seeing all of this - the songs and the dancing, all the students cheering and crying, everyone looking this overjoyed - worth every second.”

“Can’t argue with that. This is one crazy, mixed-up family - two, I suppose, if I insist on thinking of the Kirkwall gang and the Skyhold gang separately,” Varric mused. “But I feel like after today, they’ve more or less merged into one. And I’m never going to stop missing ‘Metropolis,’ and I’m still kind of concerned that I’m going to get asked to take the Viscount’s seat eventually... but I think I can live with being a little divided.”

“I know exactly what you mean. But if Skyhold has taught me anything, it's that it's always possible to have more than one home.” He paused, then made a face at his own statement, groaning slightly. “Maker, all the emotion of today is starting to rub off on me.” He groaned again, almost comically, and took a long sip from his drink as if to get himself centered.

“I hear that. Let’s just keep this between ourselves,” Varric proposed, holding out his glass. They clinked, and sort of smirked at each other.

A moment later, Bethany made her way over to them, still smiling. “Whew! All right, I surrender, time to sit down for a little.” She took Varric’s hand, looking just faintly anxious. “What did you think of it?”

“I’m running out of adjectives for you, Sunshine, and that worries me.” He smiled. “It was great. You know, like everything else you do or say or are. Andraste’s ass, I’m a sap.” He laughed.

She giggled, moving closer. “You are. But you're my sap and I love it. I'm certainly not complaining.”

“Well, then.” He draped his arm around her shoulders. “You enjoying your day? Anything I failed to include that you wanted?”

“I'm enjoying my day more than words can express.” She smiled. “I have you here and looking exceptionally handsome, everyone I love is with us, we successfully completed our surprise with absolutely spectacular results, I got my song... you even managed to include a hat! Twice!” She laughed merrily. “Perfect beyond words.”

“Just making sure. I did promise you everything your little heart desires, after all.” He smiled. “I assume the General will be doing the duty as far as tossing the bouquet is concerned? I mean you technically tossed it to her, so...”

“Too true. Besides, she deserves it. It'll be fun - although if we keep going at this rate, Skyhold is going to run out of people to do the catching,” she added with a chuckle.

“Well, let’s see, who’s here? There’s Curly-Girl... Ruffles... Songbird... Rivaini, although I don’t see _that_ happening... Daisy...” He paused, and smirked. “Come on, let’s go talk to the General. I have a thought.”

“All right.” She gave a little shrug. “I'm excited to see what this is. Lead on.”

* * *

Several minutes later, Varric returned to the stage and held up his hands for quiet. “As those of you who were at the last Skyhold wedding will remember,” he said, “the bouquet was tossed and then caught by... well, my wife. Who then turned around and tossed her bouquet to the General, sort of. So obviously, the bouquets at these things really do work, am I right?” He paused for some mild cheering. “Well, let’s see who’s next, shall we? General, kindly come up here and do some flower lobbing.”

Cassandra nodded and, wearing a grin, came up to the stage. She scanned the assembled ladies and the crowd almost thoughtfully, then positioned herself just so and tossed the bouquet over her shoulder.

Her aim was good and the flowers found their way to a very specific target. Dorian had been watching the bouquet progress, of course, but hadn't been expecting it to come in his direction and it nearly hit him in the face. He made an ungainly sort of fumbling motion to catch it out of sheer reflex and for a moment blinked at it. He then seemed to realize what had happened - particularly when he saw the grins of those involved in the plan - and narrowed his eyes in the direction of the stage. “Oh, ha, ha.”

Chuckling, Varric took the microphone again, and offered a couple lines from _Moana_ in response. “ _Hey, it’s okay, you’re welcome! You’re welcome!_ ”

“Hilarious, Varric.”

The students were, of course, in stitches. Some cheered, and a few - such as Rory - actually shrieked in delight. For his part, Bull was just smirking. Evvy, very amused, moved over and kissed Dorian’s cheek. “Before you ask, I had nothing to do with it. But I’m calling dibs on being _your_ wedding planner.”

He chuckled slightly, affectionately rolling his eyes. “Be my guest. I imagine I'll be dreadful to try and deal with... for this _hypothetical_ wedding that is _hypothetically_ taking place sometime in the _distant_ future! After all, I already said I need a vacation after all this and I stand by that.”

“I’m just saying... marriage is actually a lot of fun. You might want to consider trying it, that’s all.” She smiled. “You know that as long as you’re happy, that’s all that matters to any of us. Right?”

“See, I hate it when you all talk like that, because it makes it impossible to stay mad at everyone,” he teased. After a moment, he smiled. “Yes, I know. And I thank you for it.”

“And you’ll be the best bridezilla ever,” she added fondly. “Whenever the time comes.”

Up on the stage, Varric was fussing with the machine. “We’re experiencing some technical difficulties,” he called. “This thing will only let me pull up one song.” He played with it a little more, enjoying the curiosity that was being directed at him. “Nope. Sorry, folks, looks like we’re going to have to get this one out of the way first. Sparkler! Siren! Put the kid down and get out on the dance floor, this one’s for you.”

Dorian glanced at Evvy and chuckled. Cullen had made his way over to hold Skye and was doing likewise. “Why do I have a feeling I know exactly what this is going to be?”

“You are probably not wrong,” Dorian said, abandoning the bouquet in order to extend a hand to Evvy. “Well, Cinderella, shall we?”

“Of course, Fairy Godfather.”

Sure enough, as soon as they took to the floor, the opening notes of “Shut Up and Dance” came blaring out of the speakers. Everyone immediately backed away to give them space to dance as they had at Evvy’s own wedding; of course, having not actually practiced the routine in well over a year, neither of them necessarily remembered all the steps. They managed a pretty good facsimile, however.

The students evidently didn't care that the routine wasn't flawless. Instead they were cheering and singing along at the top of their lungs - the Partners in Crime were even literally jumping up and down. Several of the other teachers were laughing, clapping in time to the music. As he and Evvy danced, Dorian likewise chuckled, beaming widely.

“ _Deep in her eyes, I think I see the future._ ” Varric was enjoying himself a little too much. “ _I realize this is my last chance. She took my arm - I don’t know how it happened! We took the floor and she said..._ ” He lifted his arms and started clapping over his head so everyone else would join in before picking up after the brief instrumental.

Everyone was more than obliging, and when they reached “ _Shut up and dance!_ ” the shout that went up from both the students and the teachers alike was extraordinary. Everyone was grinning and laughing, as if feeding off of the joy of both the singer and the dancers - and, of course, each other.

As the song ended, Varric looked at the display. “What do you know, that fixed it,” he said, garnering a few more laughs. “All right. I did promise someone else a solo, but I will hold off on that for a bit longer because frankly, I need a little air. You kids keep having fun in the meantime.”

The dancing resumed as Dorian put an arm around Evvy’s shoulder and guided her over to where the chairs were set up. He sank into one, his movements playfully dramatic. “That certainly gets one’s blood pumping,” he said with a grin. “We’ve still got it after all that time.”

“As if there was any doubt,” she assured him. “Oh, Maker, what a day.”

“What a day indeed,” he replied. “Everything went better than even I would have expected. Everyone certainly pulled together to make this happen.”

“Nobody more than you. And I don’t doubt for a minute that all four of them - and Varric especially - appreciate you tremendously.”

“As much as I do enjoy taking all the credit, it truly was a team effort. But thank you for the compliment, my dear.”

“When Leliana offered me the temporary job way back when, I never would have guessed that _any_ of this was in store for me.” She chuckled. “Who could have imagined such things? But I wouldn’t have missed them for the world.”

“I know exactly what you mean. I don’t think any of us expected life at Skyhold to be like this when we started - I know I certainly didn’t. But, to quote my favorite nephew, it’s good.”

“I’ll drink to that, Fairy Godfather.”


	11. You Won't Have the Energy to Speak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reception winds down, Isabela makes people uncomfortable, and the newlyweds get a most appropriate send-off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to make sure to update this story today, because AuroraBorealia reminded me of something - it was exactly one year ago today that we started putting the original Skyhold Academy together! As our longtime readers know, that wasn't really written with the intention of being shared; it was just something to cheer me up while I dealt with the process of closing down the store where I'd worked for several years. But we enjoyed ourselves so much that we finally decided to see if anyone else might enjoy it too... and one year later, WOW, apparently you have! 
> 
> We're so grateful for all the wonderful commentary we've received, and we still have more to share, so don't worry; this series is not anywhere near finished. There are (currently) four more stories in the lineup, and knowing us, that's subject to change. Meanwhile, I'm going to post the final two chapters of this story and let you bask in the glow of this nonsense for a while; we're still ironing out the final details for the next part, but you can probably expect it to start being posted in the next couple of weeks.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: You Won't Have the Energy to Speak**

* * *

 

Varric, as it turned out, had one more stunt to pull, apart from the solo he had promised Bethany. Some while later, seeing that no one was anxiously awaiting a turn at the microphone, he claimed it himself. “If I could have my fellow ‘Wild Thing’ participants join me for a moment? No, that’s not what we’re singing,” he added, chuckling at the disappointed reactions. “Many of you were here for a certain bit of unpleasantness involving our defunct rival, Venatori Prep. Well, when the worst of it was over and we were only left to wait for the safe return of our rainbow, some of you kids - actually, it might have been _all_ of you - were outside singing a particular song that makes everyone think of Skyhold. So I think it’s only right that we include it in this celebration.”

There was, of course, a deafening cheer of excitement from the students, who were already jumping up and down at the prospect of the song that had accidentally become a sort of Skyhold anthem. Several of the female teachers were chuckling as the men made their way up to the stage. Even Michel excused himself from Mia’s company to join the others, as he had during the first concert. “Just like old times, then,” he said with a laugh.

“Like old times,” Bull agreed, giving him a clap on the shoulder that almost made his knees buckle. Varric pulled up the song and held the microphone toward Dorian and Cullen, not minding which of them decided to sing lead.

Dorian seized the microphone and gestured with his head to Cullen, indicating he and the history professor should stand back to back. Cullen nodded and did so, laughing so hard he found it almost impossible to sing. Both professors alternated lines until the refrain, at which time Dorian sang “ _I set each stone and I hammered each nail_ ” and held the microphone out towards the students, who screamed back “ _This house is not for sale_!”

The other teachers on the stage joined in for the rest of the refrain. “ _Where memories live and the dream don’t fail - this house is not for sale! Coming home, I’m coming home…_ ” Much like the kids had done when they first performed it well over a year earlier, some of them were punching the air to emphasize the beat of the song.

Even the female teachers and the guests had joined in by this point, with those who didn’t know the lyrics pulling out their phone for reference. Nearly the entire crowd of overjoyed cheering and singing students raised their arms at the same time to shout the line “ _Now what built these walls is in my veins_ ”, most clapping as they did so.

“ _This house is not for sale_!” Dorian concluded in unison with Cullen, and the cheering in the room was deafening.

Evvy had made a hasty exit with Skye early in the song, fearing that the plugs weren’t strong enough to protect delicate baby ears from such extensive noise; once the screaming died down, she slowly re-entered. “Is it safe to come back?” she asked, and everyone sort of chuckled.

“At least for the moment,” Cullen confirmed with a smile, gently patting his daughter’s tiny cheek. “But this is Skyhold, of course, so there’s no guarantee it will stay that way.”

“Well, I think the party’s starting to wind down anyway,” said Varric. “But before it does, I have to do a solo. Promised someone I would, and since my usual song was already done, I had to find something else.”

“Hmm. Color me intrigued,” said Dorian, striding up to join the group. Teasingly, he added “I wonder who it was that requested such a thing?”

“You might have seen her. Black hair, rather pretty, wearing a gold dress?”

“That does seem to ring a little bell.” Dorian smirked. “Talented girl, sunny disposition... seems to be permanently smiling despite her absolutely dreadful taste in men?”

“That’s the one, yes.”

“Well, I for one am _shocked_ by that,” he teased.

“Oh, very shocked, I assure you,” Cullen added with a smile. “Are we allowed a hint on what your solo is going to be, Varric?”

“Honestly, I decided almost at the last possible minute. I put together a list of about six potential songs and I was going to just close my eyes and point to one, but then I happened to remember one that actually fits the wedding theme.” He chuckled. “I live to shock, Sparkler, you know that.”

“Oh, we know.” Cullen chuckled while Dorian just groaned. “Besides, Bethany will love it no matter what.”

“I’m telling you, it’s the chest hair. Women can’t resist the chest hair. Ask Isabela.” Varric smirked.

“That’s actually somewhat true,” said Hawke, having joined them in time to hear the last comment. “She even admitted at Bethany’s party that she’s envious of Bethany’s exclusive access. I can’t say for sure how serious she was, of course, but...”

Dorian made a noise in the back of this throat. “That is honestly more information than I ever needed, thank you.”

Snickering, Varric high-fived Hawke and made his way back to the stage. “All right, I have to get this one out before we wrap up the party,” he said. “After all the jumping and punching, we’re going to bring it down. This is by request of Mrs. Tethras, a nice slow one - feel free to dance.”

Bethany looked delighted. “I can’t wait to see what this is,” she said, walking over to where her sister, Dorian, Cullen, and Evvy were standing.

Exactly what anyone was expecting was difficult to say, but as the first notes wafted out of the speakers, it was clear this was a ballad. Varric’s expression was only slightly sardonic as he started to sing; it was a different sort of song than he normally performed, and for him to have been even the least bit sarcastic would have been difficult. “ _She was morning, and I was nighttime…_ ”

The students all cooed their approval as Varric sang. From her place, Bethany put a hand over her heart, her smile soft as she watched him. “Oh, Varric. He really is very sweet, isn’t he?” she said, more to herself than any of those clustered around her.

“When he wants to be,” said Hawke, amused. “Which, when it comes to you, is more often than anybody would expect.”

Up on stage, Varric glanced at Bethany and smirked. “ _You are the sun; I am the moon. You are the words; I am the tune. Play me._ ”

She blew him a kiss, beaming. Cullen watched the scene play out before him and chuckled fondly, placing his hands on his wife’s shoulders as they listened.

“Admit it, she murmured. “You had no idea this side of him existed for the longest time.”

“It’s true, I didn’t,” he replied with a little smile. “I don’t think any of us did - I don’t think any of us expected it. But now it’s hard to believe we went for so long without seeing it.”

“Poor man. It must have been difficult to hide - then again, he does pride himself on being an excellent liar, so maybe it wasn’t as difficult as I’m imagining,” she mused.

“Even though he hid it well, I imagine it _was_ difficult. It’s always a struggle when you try to deny yourself love.” He turned and pressed a lingering kiss to her temple. “Believe me, I learned that lesson the hard way.”

“The important thing is that you _did_ learn it. And so did he.”

“ _You are the words; I am the tune. Play me._ ” Varric finished up the song and rubbed the back of his neck as he left the stage. “You know, I think my concert days are over for a little while. I’m barely going to be able to talk tomorrow at this rate.”

“You promise?” Dorian heckled with a teasing smile as he approached.

Bethany merely giggled, beaming as she rushed to embrace her husband. “You _have_ been singing a lot today, poor dear. But it was all wonderful, thank you so much. That was lovely.”

“As long as you’re happy,” he replied with a wry grin. Glancing at Dorian, he smirked. “And what makes you think I’d be talking to _you_ tomorrow anyway?”

“Oh, no.” Hawke groaned. “The images that are suddenly in my head are _never, ever going away_.”

“Oh... oh, mine too,” Dorian said, shutting his eyes and wincing. “Forget I said anything.”

“That... is disturbing,” Fenris agreed.

“Hey, I’m a perfect gentleman,” Varric protested. “In public.”

Bethany giggled a little and playfully elbowed Varric. “Be serious,” she said as she laughed, her eyes wide.

“If she didn’t already have earplugs in, I think I’d be covering my daughter’s ears right about now,” Cullen teased.

“Rivaini would understand,” Varric said with a shrug.

“What’s this? My name being used in vain?” asked Isabela, wandering over with Aveline. “What would I understand?”

“Nothing poor Dorian wants repeated and something my sister desperately wants to unhear,” Bethany replied. “Although that doesn’t narrow it down very much.”

“All I said was that I’ll be hoarse tomorrow from all this singing,” said Varric, mock innocently, “and that even if I weren’t I wouldn’t necessarily be talking to Dorian. Where they went with it is not my fault.”

“Oh, I get it.” Isabela nodded, with Aveline looking like she was trying not to laugh. “Well, if Sweetness does her job right, you won’t have the energy to speak anyway.”

“ _Isabela!_ ” Hawke sputtered.

“Ah, oh, look, I believe I’m needed over there,” Dorian said, pointing vaguely. “Very, _very_ far over there.”

Bethany, who had blushed deeply at Isabela’s comment, was nevertheless still smiling. “Sorry, Dorian! We didn’t mean to chase you away - and after you’ve been so wonderful today, too!” She kissed his cheek.

“I am shocked and appalled that my innocent comment has been taken to such dark places,” said Varric, mildly. “She’s right, though. You did a hell of a job today and it wouldn’t have been the same without you. Tevinter doesn’t deserve you... or want you... it might have even tried to kill you. But we like having you here.”

In spite of himself, Dorian chuckled. “Well, for that, I thank you,” he said with a little smile and a bow. “While I do occasionally miss my homeland, it’s hard to miss _there_ when there’s so much _here_.”

Before the conversation could continue in any manner, disturbing or otherwise, they were interrupted by the arrival of Jim and Rory. “Everything is so amazing today,” said Jim, excitedly. “Professor, Mrs. Tethras, did you get the story? Have you read it?”

“We got it, yes! Thank you so much!” Bethany assured them, smiling. “We haven’t read it yet – we want to be able to savor it with the rest of our gifts – but we’re very excited.”

“I’m gonna read it out loud to her later,” Varric promised.

“Oh, are these _those two_?” Isabela asked, delighted. “I’ve heard about you! You’re the writers!”

“You’ve heard about us?” Rory repeated, her eyes bright. “Really?”

“I may have mentioned something about it on one of my visits home,” said Varric, nonchalantly.

“He _had_ to tell me,” Isabela explained. “I’ve written fanfiction about people in my life too – I call it ‘friend-fiction.’”

“Isabela, _no_ ,” said Aveline firmly.

Rory and Jim exchanged a glance, laughing. “Friend-fiction,’” Rory said. “That’s clever!”

“The name, perhaps,” said Aveline, dryly. “Trust me, kids, the content wasn’t. I will never be clean again.”

“Um. Something tells me we maybe don’t want to know,” said Jim slowly.

“Probably not.” It was Dorian who spoke, of all people, and he had a look on his face that suggested he was inches away from physically covering Rory’s ears. “Oh, look, Rory – I believe Krem is trying to get your attention. _Over there_.”

Rory looked confused; but Jim, taking a hint for possibly the first time in his entire life, just nodded and steered her back to where Krem and Nessa were waiting. “Well. That was a thing that happened,” Varric deadpanned. “Thanks for making it awkward, Rivaini.”

“You know me, I’m a helper. So what’s left of this shindig?” Isabela wanted to know. “We’ve had cake, we’ve had flowers turned into missiles, we’ve had a lot of screaming - it’s been ages since I had this many teenagers around me, I forgot how _shrill_ they can be.”

“They’re only this shrill when we sing,” Dorian offered, then paused. “Which, admittedly, is often.”

“As for your question, it’s definitely a valid one,” said Cullen. “This was around the time Evvy and I opened gifts, but Varric and Bethany received most of theirs already. And Cass and Non don’t have anything since their wedding was a surprise. What _is_ next?”

“Well, I think the only thing left to do is pelt newlyweds with rice or bubbles or whatnot,” said Varric. “Did you order a coach for Lockpick and the General, Sparkler?”

“Not a coach, exactly. But I worked a bit of magic for our dear Cassandra and her dashing new husband,” Dorian said with a smirk. “How could I not, especially for someone as romantically inclined as Mrs. Lavellan?”

“Still think you missed your calling. You should have done this professionally,” Varric said. “Imagine getting _paid_ to freak out and fuss about every last detail.”

“As intriguing as that does sound, for now the joy I’m helping bring to everyone is payment enough,” he replied, his smirk widening. “Maybe if I ever get tired of teaching, it could be a second career. I could start a business.” He chuckled.

“You could always do it on the side,” offered Evvy. “Limit yourself to one a season, maybe, so it doesn’t interfere too much. So what did you get for Cass and Nonny, anyway?”

“Well, Cassandra is many things, but a Cinderella is not one of them, so a coach didn’t seem appropriate. But let’s just say that there may be a carriage waiting somewhere expressly for one half of our newlywed pairs.”

“Good. I wasn’t sure I wanted him driving,” she joked. “I do know he’s taken care of his own accommodations, though. What about you two?”

“Siren, that would be telling.”

“Even I’m not in on this plan, if it makes you feel any better,” Bethany said, smiling slightly. “Although I am very, very curious.”

“Be patient, Sunshine.” He looped an arm around her waist. “I’m sure your sister won’t approve, but it should make for a good ending to the footage.”

“Well, now I’m even more curious.” She laughed. “And good, I’m glad to hear there’s footage - not that I had any doubt, of course. But it’ll be good to see everything I missed because I was too giddy to catch it all.”

“Not to worry. I had the same people filming it as did the last one, but they were better hidden this time. I mostly didn’t want them to get in the way of the surprise proposal,” he explained. “The DVD will actually have two versions - one focusing on us, one focusing on Lockpick and the General. I thought that was fair.”

“Oh, that’s sweet.” Bethany smiled. “I’m sure Cassandra and Mahanon will really appreciate that.”

“Seems to be turning into my standard wedding gift around here. Whoever ties the knot next will probably get the same thing too.”

There were a few glances in Dorian’s direction, which he noticed immediately. “Oh, shut up,” he returned, while everyone chuckled. “Anyway, whenever you’re all ready to make your grand exits, you shall be heralded as is fitting.”

“I’ll go find Mahanon,” Evvy offered. “See what he wants to do. It’s later than I realized!”

She headed off in search of her old friend, while Cullen gave Skye to her usual babysitter so he could take a picture of them together. “What a little doll,” remarked Merrill, wandering over to join the group. “Is Skyhold going to open a nursery department when she’s old enough for school, then?”

“Potentially,” said Cullen. “It’s been brought up once or twice. There’s a lot to consider - especially since I don’t think anyone involved in Skyhold Academy expected that these questions would have to be answered at any point,” he added with a chuckle.

“Oh... is it all your fault, then?” she inquired, with the sort of innocence that would be implausible coming from anyone but Merrill.

Before Cullen could respond, Dorian stepped forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Yes. Yes, it is. And before you argue, allow me to remind you that the finger is being pointed at you because your wife is above any and all reproach, so blame falls to you.”

“Well, I’m not one to disagree with that.” Cullen laughed.

Evvy returned at that moment, and glanced quizzically at the snickering Isabela. Shrugging, she said, “There’s a particularly marvelous conveyance in the outer courtyard, folks, and some newlyweds who are just about ready to go. Shall we see them off?”

“Sounds perfect to me,” Cullen said with a smile, doing his best to ignore the laughter. “I want to see Cassandra’s reaction to this.”

Everybody herded the students outside, where there were many gasps of delight at the magnificent open-air carriage waiting there. Two elegant black stallions with roses braided into their manes stood pawing at the ground, while the driver opened the door and waited to assist the bride into the vehicle. Flowers and champagne waited on the seat.

“Here they come!” someone yelled, and as Mahanon and Cassandra emerged from the school, everyone started pelting them with handfuls of birdseed.

Immediately, Cass started to laugh. Her right hand was gripped in Mahanon’s, and she raised her left hand to shield her face from the seed. When they were clear of the crowd and she could look up again, she stopped in her tracks, mouth open. “This... this is _wonderful_ ,” she said, her voice full of joyful astonishment, her smile impossibly bright.

“Nothing but the best for you, my lady,” said Mahanon cheerfully. He kissed Evvy and Skye’s cheeks and shook hands with Cullen, Dorian, and Varric (who immediately afterward seemed to vanish). “Thanks for everything, all of you.”

“Well, not to sound too sentimental - or Dorian will probably flick me in the ear - but thank _you_ , Non, for making Cassandra that happy,” said Cullen, nodding to where Cass stood smiling.

“It’s a tough job, but I’ll do my best. Just keep looking after my little lady in the meantime.” Grinning, he went to help Cassandra into the carriage. “Ready?”

“Very ready, my love.” She smiled and kissed his cheek. “I’ve never been more ready for anything.”

The students continued to shower them with birdseed as they settled into the carriage, laughing and waving and cheering. “Goodbye! Goodbye! Congratulations! See you soon!” The driver climbed into the front seat and shook the reins, and the old-fashioned carriage lurched forward.

Cassandra gave everyone a final wave as both the students and teachers alike waved back. As soon as they were out of view, she settled in, leaning against Mahanon with a smile. “You know, I have always enjoyed a happily ever after,” she said brightly.

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” he assured her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. He took her hand and kissed it. “Happy wedding day, Lady Cassandra.”

“Happy wedding day, Mahanon.”

* * *

As one pair of newlyweds was successfully ferried off, the students began to whisper among themselves, noting the very obvious absence of one teacher in particular. Bethany likewise looked around. “So, has anyone seen my husband?” she asked, sounding amused and more than a little curious.

“He was here a few minutes ago,” said Josephine, a little puzzled. “I saw him shaking hands with Mahanon.”

“Yeah, I d- wait.” Hawke held up a hand, looking faintly amused. “Do you hear something?”

Everyone slowly quieted as a distinct rumbling sound made itself known, growing louder as it drew nearer. Bethany broke the silence first as she started to giggle. “Is that what I think it is?” she asked rhetorically, beaming.

Sure enough, the crowd began roaring their approval as Varric’s black Harley-Davidson came barreling through the school gate. At a safe distance from the assembled students, the rider made an artistic spin, skidding to a stop, before pulling off the silver helmet which matched his wedding suit. He looked up at Bethany and grinned. “Your chariot, milady?”

The bride was laughing almost uproariously, shaking her head in delighted surprise. “To quote myself when I first saw you on this thing about seven years ago...  _oh, Maker_.” She paused as everyone chuckled, then turned to her assembled friends and family. “Thanks, everyone. This has been beyond amazing.”

“Hold on a minute, Bethany, you can’t ride off without a helmet,” Hawke objected.

“Quite right, as always,” said Varric in a placating tone. “Songbird, if you would, please?”

Leliana chuckled and stepped forward, handing Bethany a gold helmet. “There you are - I think it should fit over your hairpiece.”

“You all really did think of everything,” she said with a laugh. “Thank you.” She hugged her sister and a few of the others, then walked towards the motorcycle, catching the hands of a few of the excited students as she did. When she cleared the crowd, she turned back around to curtsey. “Thank you, Skyhold Academy, and good night!” she called, blowing a kiss as everyone cheered, then donned the helmet and climbed carefully behind Varric. Hawke helped her adjust the skirt of her gown, and Dorian moved to attach a _JUST MARRIED_ placard to the back of the bike.

Varric chuckled, shaking hands with his friends and waving to the students. “We’ll be back by Wintersend,” he said, eliciting a few loud barks of laughter. “Hold on tight back there.” Putting his helmet back in place, he revved the engine.

As the crowd shouted their goodbyes and congratulations, Bethany raised her hand to wave once more before wrapping both arms firmly around Varric. “Okay, I’ve got you. Ready when you are,” she replied, beaming as she leaned against him and put her chin on his shoulder.

“There’s my Sunshine,” he said warmly. “Let’s go!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget - there's one more chapter after this one! A certain wedding gift was made to be shared!


	12. Vivat! Huzzah!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim and Rory's wedding gift is presented in full.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We were pretty sure that if we didn't share the story that Jim and Rory wrote at Varric's request, we'd have people asking for it. So here it is! It tickles us to no end that the work of the student writers is enjoyed as much as the rest of the adventures in this series. Following their trip to the Exalted Age faire in Crestwood, the kids were very inspired... thanks again for joining us on this goofy ride!

* * *

**Chapter Twelve: Vivat! Huzzah!**

* * *

 

_To Professor and Mrs. Tethras, with our deepest congratulations! From Rory Norbertson and Jim Scout_

* * *

It was a simpler time – a time of pageantry, of romance, of chivalry and epic struggle. It was the Exalted Age. In the Free Marches, a great tournament was established in which men (and occasionally women) of valor could test their mettle in competition against one another, with the most victorious among them being elevated to the rank of knighthood.

And that, as far as Varric Tethras was concerned, was the problem.

Not that he had any objection to knights. His own closest companion, the valiant lady warrior Marian Hawke, was a knight of such great renown that she had been appointed to the position of Champion of Kirkwall. This raised her family in standing as well as herself, which created a complication in his life because suddenly, he wasn’t of good enough social status to approach his old friend about her sister’s hand in marriage. _That_ was the real problem. Money he had, being a poet of considerable distinction, but a title he lacked.

If it had been anyone else, he might have just shrugged his shoulders and gone on with his life. But Lady Bethany, as she was now styled, was too open a target for fortune hunters and other unpleasant sorts, and he was not inclined to subject the woman he loved to the courtship of the undeserving. So that meant only one thing, and as much as he hated it, he went to speak to the master of arms who served the Viscount of Kirkwall, another longtime friend.

“Curly,” he asked the man, “can you teach me how to joust?”

The master of arms – Cullen Rutherford – was a serious, duty-driven man, but overall a pleasant one. He smiled at Varric’s approached, a smile that was quickly replaced by confusion. “Can I... what?” he repeated upon hearing his friend’s request.

“Well, I can’t swordfight and there’s no crossbow event in the tournament,” the poet grumbled. “So jousting seems like my best bet since I can at least ride a horse. I need to become a knight.”

“Hold on, one thing at a time.” He gestured for Varric to sit, likewise taking a seat himself. “Why this sudden interest in a knighthood, if I may ask?”

Varric’s expression was only vaguely surly as he plunked himself onto a bale of hay. “It’s important, that’s all. I don’t really want to talk about why.” He paused, but he could tell by the look on Cullen’s face that he wasn’t letting go of the matter, so he reluctantly admitted, “Because Hawke’s the Champion now.”

“And you’re hoping if you get the knighthood that you two can be of the same status once again?”

“Not her.” He scowled a bit, not looking at Cullen. “Her sister.”

“So you can be the same status as... oh. Oh!” He nodded. “I understand. Well, your motivation is certainly pure – in fact, there’s no better motive. With that in mind, you already have the first step accomplished. You have something worth fighting for.”

“Great. So now what?”

Cullen got to his feet. “Now we fetch the horses and get down to business, I should say.”

“All right. This is such a terrible idea, but I don’t know what else to do.” Varric’s expression was somewhat sour and dejected. “It’s probably a big mistake, really.”

“Perhaps, but perhaps not. It never hurts to try, after all.” Cullen clapped him on the shoulder. “I think if you don’t try, you’ll regret it more.”

“I guess that’s true,” he admitted. “And at least I _have_ a horse. It’s a place to start.”

“Indeed it is.” The master of arms smiled. “Don’t worry, Varric, I’ll make a jouster out of you yet.”

“I’m going to need all kinds of stuff, aren’t I? Armor and lances and shields... and a squire. I need a squire.” Varric sighed a bit. “Hey, how about your son? He’s old enough, right?”

“Cole? Why, yes, I suppose he is rather.” Cullen considered for a moment. “I can certainly ask him and see if he’s interested. He admires your writing, so he’ll probably jump at the chance, knowing him. He’s a poet himself, you know.”

“At least he’s got taste.” Varric chuckled. “The poet-knight wannabe with a poet squire. Well, works for me.”

“Excellent. If he’s willing, I shall make the necessary arrangements. And ready your equipment, too.”

“Thanks, Curly. Maker, I’m a sap... but like you said, I’ve got to try or I’ll regret it.”

“Don’t underestimate being a sap.” Cullen chuckled. “It’s strangely satisfying.”

“I guess we’ll see. Send me a messenger when you’re ready for me,” he added. “I’ve got to get moving, I’m supposed to dine at the Champion’s table tonight.”

“As you wish.” He nodded. “Tell the Hawke sisters I said hello.”

“I will do that. But until I know if I’m any good at this, let’s keep the jousting thing to ourselves, okay?”

“Understood. No one will hear it from me. Well, except Cole and Evangeline, of course.”

“Oh, sure, that I would expect. Give my regards to your lady.” With a wave, he left the training grounds and started to make his way to the Hawke estate.

* * *

The Hawkes were as artistic as they were tenacious, each member of the household having been gifted with some sort of skill. This included Lady Bethany, of course, who on this particular evening sat outside the estate, carefully embroidering a gown of her own design. She was bent over the work, murmuring softly to herself as she went about the task.

“There’s my Sunshine,” Varric said as he drew near. He kept his tone pleasant and friendly, not wanting her to get so much as a hint of what he was feeling or what it was driving him to do. “What’s that you’re working on tonight, milady?”

She looked up at once when she heard his voice. “Varric.” She smiled warmly, sliding over so he could take a seat beside her. “It’s a new design. And yes, I know I could just buy something at the market, but I’ve been working on this for a while.” She lifted the skirt of the blue and gold dress to show it off to him. “What do you think?”

“Those certainly are your colors, I think.” He smiled. “Planning to wear it anywhere special?”

“Maybe to the tournament, if I can have it finished in time. I’m looking forward to seeing it.”

“Oh?” He tried to keep calm. “Are you... I mean... is anyone wearing your favor?”

“Hmm?” She paused for a moment, then realized what he was asking and chuckled. “Oh, no, nothing like that,” she replied with a wave of her hand. “What about you, though? Are you going to participate or are you going to keep me company?”

“Ah, that would be telling,” he replied lightly, reaching out to tap the end of her nose. “You’ll have to wait and see.”

She giggled. “Ooh, well, color me intrigued,” she said, smiling. “Let me just gather up my things here and we can go inside.”

“Here, I’ll help.” He started packing the skeins of silk thread neatly in her sewing basket.

“Oh, aren’t you sweet? Thank you so much.” She beamed at him as she took the dress in her arms and headed for the door.

Varric opened the door and bowed her inside, then followed. “Company, Hawke!” he bellowed, ignoring the usual protocol for a noble estate. The Hawkes, especially Marian, didn’t stand on ceremony any more than necessary – and with their old friend, it was never necessary.

“Whatever you’re selling, we don’t want any!” she called back. Bethany chuckled and shook her head. A moment later, the elder Hawke sister appeared from upstairs. “Well, you’re certainly prompt.” She beamed at Varric.

“To spend the evening with the beautiful Hawke ladies? Show me a man in Thedas who wouldn’t be prompt.” He smirked. “Cullen asked me to convey his regards to you both, by the way. I was visiting him before I came here.”

“That’s very kind of him.” Bethany smiled. “How is he doing? How’s the family?”

“Very well. Cole might be turning squire soon, he’s about that age.”

“That’s wonderful,” said Hawke. “Let me know if he needs someone to work for, I would be happy to take him under my wing if he does.”

“I’ll mention it, but Curly already has someone in mind. So what’s new in the world of the Champion?”

Hawke chuckled. “I’m still getting used to that title,” she admitted. “And all the trappings that come with it. Not that Bethany’s complaining, are you, sister?”

“I enjoy the dresses and shoes,” Bethany replied, also laughing.

“And you both deserve all of it and more.” How it pained him to say so, even though he believed it completely. “How is your broody knight, by the way?”

“Doing extremely well. Although you know how he gets when you call him broody,” she remarked, grinning.

“Oh yes. Even broodier.” Varric chuckled. “Will he be joining us?”

“Of course. I’m sure he’ll be down soon.”

Sure enough, he emerged a few minutes later, nodding a greeting to Varric as he did so. Varric nodded in return. “Fenris,” he said, extending a hand so they could clasp forearms. “All is well, I trust?”

“Very much so,” he confirmed. “I assume the Hawke women have been taking good care of you.” He smirked slightly, glancing over at his wife and sister-in-law.

“Well, on this _particular_ occasion, I’ve only just arrived. But in general, they of course always do.” Varric likewise smirked a bit.

Bethany smiled, patting Varric’s arm. “It’s a tough job, but someone has to do it,” she said playfully.

“And no one could ever do it better than my favorite ladies,” he assured her.

Hawke and Fenris watched the other two for a moment, exchanging a glance. Bethany, however, didn’t notice. She gave Varric’s arm a squeeze. “Come on, let’s head in before everything gets cold.”

“Of course. What’s on the table tonight?”

“What _isn’t_ on the table tonight, more like.” She chuckled. “A perk of the new station. Besides, we had to pull out all the stops for our favorite dinner guest.”

“Sunshine, I’m flattered, but I really don’t need special treatment. Just wandering around telling people the epic tale of the Champion’s rise to prominence is reward enough for my humble efforts to help.” His eyes twinkled.

“I know we don’t _have_ to, but we _want_ to,” she said with another smile. She paused as they took a seat, however, her expression clouding slightly. “It’s a shame, really – you were with us on so many of these adventures, you should be here with us too.”

“This is all quite proper,” he insisted. “Hawke was the one who slew the Scourge of Kirkwall, after all. She earned this. If I helped, I’m glad, but the honor went where it was most deserved.”

“I know, but still.” She sighed. “It’s just... never mind.” After a beat, she perked up once more. “So, tell me what you’ve been working on lately. Any previews I can sneak later?”

“Oh, a nice long poem in honor of the Viscount’s upcoming birthday. Not my best work, but it’ll do.” He shrugged. “You’re welcome to read it if you like, though.” He had another poem he was saving, in case the day ever came when he could plead his case, but no one was going to see that anytime soon.

“Certainly,” she said cheerfully. “You know I always want to read whatever you’ve written – even when it’s for the Viscount,” she added with a merry laugh.

* * *

By the end of the following week, Varric’s jousting lessons had begun in earnest. But while he was very well suited to Harley, his black and silver stallion, he didn’t feel like the actual jousting was going well at all. “Tell me honestly,” he puffed at Cullen, raising the visor on his helmet. “Am I just wasting my time? Because I feel like I’m wasting my time.”

“No, no, not at all,” he insisted. “We just... have some more work to do, that’s all. I’ve seen much worse, believe me.”

“Once I’m knighted, will I ever have to do this again? Or can I settle on my little noble estate and just write poetry for the rest of my natural existence without having to poke a stick through a ring being thrown at me?”

In spite of himself, Cullen chuckled faintly. “Once you’re knighted, you should be fine. Chances are, they won’t be calling you up to prove your jousting prowess again any time soon.”

“I guess that’s something.” He sighed. “She’s worth the trouble, but Maker’s breath, this is harder than it looks. You all right there, Cole?” he added, glancing at his newly appointed squire.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Cole assured him. “Just as long as I help. I like to help.”

“You’re doing very well, son,” Cullen replied.

“And when I’m done with this, Hawke said she’d be glad to give your boy a job if he wants to keep squiring,” Varric informed Cullen. “I guess I’ll have to tell her the truth eventually, but I’d like to be a little better at it first.”

“Oh, that’s extremely generous of her.” He smiled. “As for telling her about your plan, we’ll get you to that point, don’t worry.”

“Not to doubt your skills, but I’m worried.” Varric sighed and closed his visor. “All right, let’s try it a little longer.”

“We can do this, Varric. _You_ can do this,” Cullen said, then turned and nodded to Cole. The boy returned the nod and fetched the equipment for Varric to try again under Cullen’s watchful direction.

With a sigh, Varric patted his horse’s neck. “Sorry to do all this to you, buddy,” he muttered. “I know you were happier just eating grass all day.”

The horse snorted and pawed at the ground as if in response. “I think Harley understands,” said Cole, reaching out to gently pat the horse’s snout. “Don’t you, Harley? A faithful friend, both fierce and friendly. You want to help Varric too.”

Varric chuckled. “I’m sure he does. Though the buckets of oats he gets as a reward probably don’t hurt either. Okay, Cole, head on out there and toss another ring for me.” So the practice resumed.

It was on the following day that Varric’s secret was blown wide open. Hawke, having been to see the Viscount, decided to stop by the tiltyard on her way home and found Cullen working with someone in a suit of armor she didn’t recognize... but riding a horse which she very much did. “Cullen? Why is Varric’s horse being used for _jousting practice_? Does he know?”

Cullen froze, turning to face her. “Hawke! I, uh... well, you see it... uh, yes, he does in fact know.”

“Oh. Okay.” She paused, eyeing him. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“Nothing,” he replied. “Everything is perfectly... fine.”

She continued to study him with a dubious expression, then glanced back at the field where Cole was tossing rings. Her eyes widened. “Wait a minute – is that _Varric himself_?”

“It...” Cullen sighed, and bit his lip for a moment. “He was going to tell you once he got a little bit better. Please don’t let on that you know.”

“But why? Why is he – _why_? Just tell me that.”

“He... well, it’s not exactly my tale to tell, Hawke,” he said, obviously cagey.

She shook her head, a bit frustrated. “He’s going to get his ass kicked in the tournament, isn’t he? That’s what he’s doing.”

The master of arms huffed slightly. “I _am_ trying to help him get better,” he protested. “It’s not my intention to send him in there to lose. This is important to him and I intend to help him to the best of my abilities. More than that I can’t really say.”

“I don’t understand. He’s a _poet_ ,” she said. “And a bloody good one. Why would he ever want to enter a tournament of arms? What would a knighthood mean to –” She broke off abruptly. “...oh.”

Cullen tilted his head slightly to acknowledge her words. “As I said, he was going to tell you about the whole tournament plan after we did a little more work. Then the hope was he would win and then he would...” He glanced over his shoulder, then back to Hawke. “Can you keep this under your hat and not let on that you know?”

“I won’t say anything. I just... he doesn’t _have_ to do this. Not if he’s doing it for the reason I think he’s doing it.”

“He seems to think he does – and he’s adamant about it. He’s hoping with the knighthood, he can... well...” Cullen looked distinctly uncomfortable with discussing the matters Varric had confided in him.

Hawke facepalmed. “Why didn’t he just talk to me?” she muttered. “All right. If he really thinks this is something he needs to do, I won’t be the one to tell him otherwise. I know how stubborn he can be. Just... don’t let him get hurt, okay? He’s part of my family.”

“You have my word, Hawke.” He couldn’t exactly make that promise with complete certainty, but he swore it nevertheless.

“Thank you.” She paused, and watched the field again. “He’s not bad. Better than I would have expected him to be, anyway.”

“He’s certainly getting there,” Cullen replied. “And he’s very determined to see it through. I have faith in him.”

She nodded. “I was never here.” And before Varric could spot her and panic, she stepped backwards into the shadows and left the yard.

Cullen let out a nervous sort of sigh, watching Varric practice for a few seconds longer, before strolling down to critique the progress. He did have faith in Varric – the utmost faith – but he found himself silently praying to the Maker that he could keep that promise to Hawke.

* * *

A few days before the tournament was scheduled to begin, Varric – who didn’t have nearly as much faith in himself as Cullen apparently did – made his way to the Hawke estate to prepare the sisters for the truth. “I’m afraid I won’t be watching the tournament with you this year,” he said, “because I… have decided to enter.”

Bethany’s eyes widened. “You... you decided to enter? Really? I… what event?”

“The joust.”

“Well... goodness. Are you sure about this? You aren’t going to get hurt, right, you promise me?”

“I promise that I will do my best not to get hurt. More than that... I can’t really do.” He looked slightly grim.

She glanced back and forth between Varric and her sister. “And I don’t suppose you can talk him out of this, can you, Marian?”

“I doubt it. You know how he is.” Hawke cracked a smile. “Care to tell us why you decided this, Varric?”

“I want to be a knight.”

“You want to be a knight?” Bethany repeated, lifting an eyebrow. “Why? I mean, it would be delightful. But why?”

“I – well – it’s hard to explain.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Poetry just doesn’t impress people like knighthoods do.”

She watched him for a moment. “Well... here then. You’ll need this.” She reached up and untied the ribbon that was in her hair, then tied it around his arm. “If you want to be a knight, you definitely need to have a favor.”

Varric turned his head to watch, slightly astonished, as she adorned his arm. “I... thank you, Sunshine. That means a lot to me.”

“You’re most welcome,” she replied. “Now, I expect you and that ribbon to come back in one piece, all right?”

He chuckled. “I fight and die for your honor, glorious one.”

She managed a smile at that. “I’ll allow the fighting, just not the dying,” she told him, and after a moment, leaned in to give his cheek a quick peck.

He legitimately didn’t know how to respond, and stood for almost a full minute blinking in shock. “I... uh... all right.”

The smile widened. “I shall hold you to that,” she said. “And I’ll be cheering for you.”

“We all will,” Hawke added. “Fenris is in the grand melee, but we’ll definitely be rooting for you to take the joust.”

“Don’t worry,” Bethany said, in a voice that suggested she was trying to comfort herself just as much as she was trying to comfort him. “You’ll be great, I’m sure. You should start preparing yourself to be called Ser Varric as we speak.” She grinned.

He laughed. “The confidence is reassuring. This is probably the worst idea I’ve ever had, but... I have to try. I’ll do my best.”

“I have every faith in you. It’s important to you, so it’s important to me. Just be careful. And very good luck.”

“Thank you, ladies.”

Once he was gone, Hawke looked at Bethany. “That was a sweet thing for you to do, sister.”

Bethany smiled. “Thank you. There’s no one in all of Thedas to whom I’d rather give my favor, so I hope having it will bring him some luck.”

“You mean a lot to him. He’ll be trying his hardest for your sake.” Hawke wasn’t about to tell Bethany the complete truth.

“Well, good. Just as long as he doesn’t get hurt. No matter what happens, he’s a knight in my book – I just want him to come back in one piece. He means a lot to me too.”

“To both of us. He’s family.”

“Oh, yes, family. Of course.” Bethany looked contemplative, her mouth scrunched in thought. “Right.”

“Something on your mind, Bethy?”

“What? Oh. Nothing with which to trouble you, it’s fine.”

“If you say so.” Hawke was fairly certain she knew what was really going through her sister’s mind. “You know, if you hadn’t volunteered your favor, I suspect he would have asked for it.”

“Well, as I said, if he wants to be a knight, a knight needs a favor,” she murmured. After a moment, she glanced over to meet Hawke’s eyes. “You really think so?”

In spite of her resolve, Hawke laughed. “Bethany, why do you think he suddenly wants to be a knight?”

“Well, I just assumed it was so he could be on the same social level as you again.” Her eyes narrowed. “Do you know something I don’t?”

“No, I can honestly say I don’t _know_. But I suspect he wants to be on the same social level as _someone..._  and I don’t mean me.”

Bethany paused, and her slowly widening eyes revealed the progression of her thoughts. “Are you... are you implying what I think you’re implying?” she asked. There was a note of something that seemed a bit like breathless hope in her voice.

“Like I said...I don’t _know_. But I have a very strong suspicion.”

“Well...” Bethany looked surprised and perhaps a bit dazed. “That is... very interesting information. Very interesting information indeed.”

“At least, it’s the only reason I’ve been able to think of for why he’d do this.” Hawke shook her head. “He should know I wouldn’t expect it of him, but he’s a bit of a fool sometimes. And a closet romantic.”

In spite of herself, Bethany giggled slightly. “Yes, he is that. A closet romantic, that is, not a fool. Although sometimes that too.” She shook her head affectionately, sighing a bit. “Oh, Varric…”

“Whether he wins a knighthood or not, little sister, I approve. So let’s just hope he doesn’t get hurt.” Hawke was more than slightly concerned.

* * *

The day of the tournament dawned bright and hot, which didn’t exactly sweeten Varric’s temper as he was “locked up in a stove again.” That was his way of describing the experience of wearing armor. “And people do this voluntarily? Every day?” he grumbled, letting Cullen do whatever it was that needed doing to make the armor fit right.

“If it were easy, more people would be soldiers,” he pointed out as he worked, gesturing for Cole to bring him this piece or that. At last, he stepped back, studying Varric. “All right, that’s the last of it.”

“Thanks.” He sighed. “I don’t know what’s about to happen, but thanks for all your help.”

“Of course.” Cullen nodded, managing a slight smile. “How do you feel?”

“Like I’ll throw up if I think about it too much,” Varric replied honestly. “But this helps.” He briefly fingered the ribbon on his arm.

The master of arms smiled. “I’m glad to hear it.”

“A favor,” said Cole as he passed by, glancing at the ribbon. “Like Mother sometimes gives to Father?”

“Exactly like that, Cole,” Varric replied with a nod.

Cole smiled at that, considering. “A favor is a piece of her that you can wear into battle,” he said at last. “She can fight alongside you, even when she watches. It’s good.”

“I hope it is, kid.” Varric smiled at him, a little sadly. “You’ve been a big help. I wouldn’t have managed this without you and your father.”

The boy immediately brightened at that. “Oh, good. Thank you. I’ve liked being your squire. I hope you win today.”

“As I told the lady who gave me the ribbon, I will fight and die for her honor. Preferably without the dying.” Varric climbed into the saddle and gave Harley’s neck a pat. “Guess this is it. Thanks, buddy.”

“Good luck, Varric,” Cullen said. “Go with the Maker. And be careful.” More quietly, he added. “I’m not keen to break the promise I made.”

“I’ll be careful. Just... if anything goes wrong, it’s not your fault.” Not wanting to prolong the inevitable, he shook the reins and guided Harley out to join the other jousters.

The first part of the event was easy. They rode their horses around the tournament field, letting the crowd view the colors and saluting the ones whose favors they carried. That part he didn’t mind. But watching the first pair of combatants go full tilt at one another to shatter lance against shield, he started to feel a little lightheaded. _Pull yourself together_ , he told himself sternly. _This is for her. You can do this._

From her place in the crowd, Bethany was craning her neck to find him. When she caught sight of him at last, she waved and gave him an encouraging smile.

He lifted his lance to her in a salute, trying to take courage or at least comfort from her presence. Varric was no coward, but he felt rather out of his depth. He’d give it his all, though, of that he was determined.

She seemed a bit soothed by the gesture, but still anxious as she sat back to watch. At the moment, the event’s master of ceremonies was announcing the various participants, whipping up the crowd. He had a musical, almost velvety voice, and seemed to relish the showmanship his role required - and from the almost blindingly iridescent outfit he boasted to the dark, quirking mustache, it was easy to see why he had been chosen for said role. The peacock feathers perched jauntily in his cap bobbed with his excitement.

“For the next match,” he bellowed, “Ser Mahanon Lavellan, in the colors of blue and silver, and bearing the favor of the Lady Cassandra - who is herself at this moment busy in the grand melee, I understand - will face Varric Tethras, court poet to the Viscount of Kirkwall, garbed in the colors of red and gold and bearing the favor of Lady Bethany, sister of the Champion Hawke! Riders, to your ends of the field, and remember the rules of this tournament! You will battle until one of you yields!”

“Oh, Maker and Andraste,” Bethany mumbled as the two men got into position. “I'm almost too nervous to watch this.”

Hawke wasn’t with her, as she needed to be at the grand melee to watch Fenris, but Cullen’s wife Evangeline was sitting with Bethany. She reached over to squeeze the younger woman’s hand. “He’ll do his best. You know that,” she said. “And think of the stories he can tell when it’s over!”

“That is very true.” Bethany smiled. “Thank you. And please be sure to thank Cullen and Cole for me too. I appreciate everything they've done to help him prepare.”

Below them on the field, Varric and Mahanon – a man he knew and liked – saluted each other before lowering their visors. “Here goes nothing, Harley,” Varric muttered to the horse, positioning his lance and spurring him forward. The crowd roared as his lance connected with Mahanon’s shield, smashing to bits and needing replacement at once. “Well. That could have been worse,” he mused.

Bethany winced, but also seemed to be of the same mind as Varric. Cullen, meanwhile, was nodding thoughtfully at this development as Cole rushed to render his services.

With a fresh lance in hand, Varric nodded his thanks and wheeled Harley around to make the second pass. This time he was less fortunate; Mahanon’s lance found purchase not on Varric’s shield but on his breastplate, and he tumbled from the saddle like a sack of potatoes. He lay in the sand for a moment, panting and disoriented.

There was nothing else for it, he realized, as some of the tournament workers came to help him sit up. “I yield,” he muttered. The tournament was single elimination; he was done almost before he ever got started.

Bethany had leapt to her feet at once as soon as Varric fell, her face having gone very white. She watched for a moment, her hand covering her mouth, until he got up again. Her heart ached for him, but she tried not to let it show on her face. “Is he badly hurt?” she asked anxiously, glancing at her companion.

“I don’t think so,” Evangeline replied, straining to see properly. “They’re supporting him as he walks, but he _is_ walking, and that’s a good sign.”

Meanwhile, from the sidelines, Cullen groaned and dropped his head into his hands. “Varric,” he shouted at last, “are you all right?”

“Well,” came the answer after a moment, as though the poet had needed to think about it, “I’m not dead.”

“You're not hurt, are you?” asked Cole, coming to Varric’s side and tapping the breastplate.

“Breathing’s going to be a challenge for a few minutes, but I think I’m all right. Don’t worry, Cole.” Varric was more concerned with not upsetting Cole than almost anything else.

Mahanon had left his horse and came to pull him to his feet, shaking hands vigorously. “You have a stout heart. Next year I’d like a rematch,” he said.

“Um… yeah, we can... talk about that.” Varric chuckled weakly.

Meanwhile, as Cole gathered up the discarded equipment, he looked over into the audience. “She’s watching,” he informed Varric, gesturing with his head to where Bethany was. Sure enough, she was still on her feet, shielding her eyes with her hand as she studied him, worrying her lip.

Glancing in her direction, Varric offered a somewhat bleary wave. “Sorry I couldn’t make a better showing for all of you,” he muttered, leaning heavily on Cullen as they left the field. He more or less stumbled to the aid tent and collapsed on a cot, groaning quietly. His injuries weren’t severe, but they certainly ached.

“Oh, poor man,” Bethany tutted softly as she watched him depart, waving back. “You’re my knight, even without a knighthood.”

“Do you want to go to the aid tent and see him?” Evangeline asked gently.

Bethany nodded. “I want to make sure he’s all right. As long as he’s not embarrassed to see me,” she added. She wasn’t sure if her sister was correct in her thoughts on Varric’s motives, but if she was, then he was probably feeling extremely low right now. Seeing her might perk him up, or it might make him feel worse. “That is to say, he was very determined to do this and I don’t want him to think he disappointed me. He could _never_ disappoint me.”

“I don’t doubt it for a moment. Come on, we’ll find Cullen – he can be a go-between until we know for sure how Varric’s feeling.”

* * *

They left the stands and made their way to where Cullen and Cole were both milling around outside the tent. “How is he, dear?”

“Hello, darling.” He kissed her cheek, then turned and nodded to Bethany. “He’ll recover soon enough. He hurts right now.” _In more ways than one_ , he added to himself. “But he’ll be fine.”

“Poor man. He certainly gave it his all,” Evangeline noted. “Would he want to see Bethany, do you think? Or is he being treated?”

“I don’t believe he’s being treated at the moment.” He turned to Cole. “Son, can you go check and make sure he’s not asleep?”

Cole nodded, and slipped into the tent. Several minutes later he emerged. “Shadowed and shaded. He needs light. You can visit him.”

Bethany smiled at that, a little sadly. “Thank you, Cole. Thank you, all of you.” She nodded to them and entered the tent herself. “Varric? Varric, it’s me – it’s your Sunshine.”

He was lying quietly, but turned his head when he heard her voice. “Milady,” he said, forcing a smile, “I apologize for my failure on the field. Here, if you hurry you could probably give this to someone else. I wouldn’t protest.”

“Stop it,” she scolded fondly, covering the favor with her hand as gently as she could. “I gave that to you with only one stipulation, and that was that you come back in one piece. As long as you're still that, the favor is yours. It's always yours.”

“I think I’m in one piece. Two at most.” Divested of his armor, Varric wondered if he looked as small as he felt. “I think my jousting days are done, though, even if Mahanon does want a rematch next year. This just isn’t for me... I was born to wield a quill, not a lance.”

“I understand. Still, it's a shame - you looked marvelous up until the end.” She smiled and reached out to touch his cheek.

“Sunshine,” he began, covering her hand with his own. Before he could get any farther, however, they heard noise outside the tent.

“Where is he? Let me see him!” Hawke pushed into the tent and stood on Varric’s other side, hands on her hips. “Maker’s breath, are you all right?”

“I’ll live, or so I’m told.”

“He gave me a fright, but I have it on good authority he'll be fine,” Bethany told her sister. “How did Fenris do in the melee?”

“Third place, which is quite respectable.” Hawke looked suitably proud. “That Gordon Blackwall ended up winning. Good fighter, he’ll be an asset to the knighthood.”

“Oh, that's good then.” Bethany took Varric’s hand and squeezed. “What a day.”

“Yeah, it’s certainly been that. Well, give Ser Blackwall my congratulations, if you see him. I wonder who’s going to win the joust,” Varric mused. “I hope it’s Mahanon, at least then I won’t feel too bad about being unseated so fast.”

“I hope so too – he certainly deserves it,” Bethany remarked, then looked up at Hawke. “You’ll have to let me know who it is. I think I’d like to stay here as long as they’ll let me.”

“No, no.” Varric shook his head. “Go on, enjoy the day. Tourney only comes once a year – there’s meat pies to be eaten and you’ve got that new dress to show off and kill everybody with envy. I’ll be up and around soon, you two should have fun.”

“I’d rather be with you,” she protested gently. “But if it makes you happy, I’ll go do all the usual Tourney things, I suppose.”

“They want me to lie quietly a bit longer. When I’m up, I’ll come and find you.” He smiled. “You’ll probably be in the middle of a crowd of admirers, but I’ll see if I can get past them.”

“Flatterer.” She giggled, then bent to kiss his forehead. “I’ll be looking for you. Feel better, okay?”

“I’ll do my best, milady. Hey – Hawke,” he added, gesturing to his equipment, “my money pouch is in there somewhere. You girls go to the market stalls and buy yourselves something frivolous.”

“Varric, no,” Bethany interjected before Hawke could move. “We have money, you’re too generous.”

“I want to buy you something in honor of the day.” _Since I can’t give you what you deserve._ “Let me do this.”

She considered a moment, then sighed dramatically, smiling as she did so. “All right, all right, I know when I’m beaten. As you wish.”

“That’s my girl. Go on.” He forced himself to keep smiling as long as either sister was within view.

“Okay then, we’ll see you later,” she said with a smile.

“Be good for the healers, all right?” Hawke added.

“Hawke. I’m a perfect gentleman. You know this.” Once they were gone, he dropped his smile, exhaled noisily, and flopped back onto the cot. _Well, you tried,_ he told himself. _Clearly this was a sign from the Maker that you’re barking up the wrong tree._

A few moments after the Hawke sisters left, Cullen entered. “So... what now?”

“Eh... no idea,” Varric admitted. “Help me sit up, let’s see how bad it is.”

Cullen crossed over and offered Varric an arm. “Careful. Take it slow.”

“Maybe if I’d started training a lot sooner I’d have been less of an easy target today,” Varric mused, letting Cullen ease him to a sitting position. “I’m a bit sore, but nothing that won’t heal. Thanks, Curly.”

“You’re welcome. I only wish I could have done more.”

“You did everything you could. Some things just aren’t meant to happen, that’s all. I’m no more cut out for knighthood than Lady Josephine is cut out to be an ale-drinking champion. That’s just how it is.”

Cullen smiled faintly. “Well, maybe the knighthood isn’t meant to be... but that doesn’t mean other things aren’t.”

“Time will tell, I guess.” Varric was just pretending to be a bit optimistic. Deep down, he was very certain that a lot of things weren’t meant to be.

“It always does,” Cullen agreed. “Have faith, Varric. I never imagined I would find myself wed to Evangeline, and yet... sometimes fate has other plans.”

“Fate’s also kind of a jerk sometimes. But it did all right by you,” Varric allowed. “We’ll see what comes.”

* * *

The afternoon wore on; Varric kept his promise to track down the Hawkes once he was allowed to leave the aid tent, and was not at all surprised to find that his assessment was correct. Bethany had a little crowd of admirers clustered around her when he finally located her. He couldn’t even be properly annoyed by it; he was too amused.

“Enjoying yourself, Milady Sunshine?” he teased, once he finally managed to wrest her away from the group.

“I’m enjoying myself far more now that you’re here.” She smiled. “I’m glad to see you up and moving again.”

“It takes more than being knocked out of the saddle to keep me down, don’t worry. Didn’t I tell you that you’d kill people with envy in that dress? Your sister’s going to get deluged by appeals for your hand.”

“Maybe so.” She chuckled slightly, linking her arm in his. “She’ll have a lot of appeals to reject in that case, too.”

“Holding out for Prince Charming, huh? Well, he’ll be along eventually.” Varric’s stomach did a flip as he suddenly remembered they actually _did_ know a prince who was quite charming. Ugh. He pushed down the feeling and changed the subject. “Ready to go watch the winners be knighted?”

“I’m ready when you are.” She smiled again, secretly thinking about the deeper meaning such a simple sentence had running through her mind.

They joined Hawke and Fenris and found seats for the knighting ceremony. Prince Sebastian, visiting from Starkhaven to cheer for his own people who had entered, was invited to open the proceedings with a blessing. The sun shone darkly on his burnished auburn hair, and sparkled on his shimmering white armor, as he uttered the traditional litany.

Bethany smiled cheerfully at the sight of him – the prince was an old friend, one whom she did not get to see nearly often enough. She bowed her head respectfully as the litany was recited, but as soon as it was finished and she decently could, she lifted her hand to him in a wave.

Sebastian waved back, smiling, and Varric managed to keep his expression perfectly neutral. “So who did end up winning the joust, anyway?” he asked Hawke.

“You’ll be pleased to know it was, in fact, Mahanon. Cassandra will enjoy that.” She chuckled.

“It makes me feel a little less embarrassed too.” He chuckled. “Good on him.”

“You shouldn’t feel embarrassed,” Bethany remarked, looking over at him with a smile. “You were going up against seasoned warriors. I think you were extremely brave to do so.”

“Thank you, milady. It was worth a try, even if it didn’t work.”

Bethany glanced at Hawke, who simply raised one eyebrow ever so slightly and turned back to face the proceedings, which were just beginning to start.

Being the highest-ranked noble present, Sebastian was also responsible for actually doing the knighting. “Welcome, everyone, and congratulations to all of the combatants in today’s events! Everyone conducted themselves like true knights of the Free Marches, and it was our great privilege to watch you all this day. If the victors of the joust, the melee, and the feats of strength would kindly come forward for the knighting, I know that’s what everyone is here to see.”

There was general murmur of approval and agreement as the winners came forward. Mahanon, Ser Blackwall, and a hulking man who was very obviously the test of strength winner all stood in a line, waiting for the coveted knighthoods to be bestowed upon them.

With the blade of Starkhaven in his hand, Sebastian bestowed the coveted honors upon the three men, crowning each of them with a wreath of victory. “I give you this day’s champions – Ser Blackwall, Ser Lavellan, and Ser Bull! Vivat! Huzzah!” ( _Note from Jim: We couldn’t find an exact script that they would have used, so we had to sort of wing it. I hope you don’t mind._ )

There was a great cheer of “Huzzah!” as the three new knights waved to the crowd. Lady Josephine was waving a handkerchief at Ser Blackwall, while Lady Cassandra, who sat next to her, was smiling in Mahanon’s direction. Even the joust's master of ceremonies seemed to be casting a few curious glances at Bull.

Varric chuckled weakly. “Glad I didn’t go for the test of strength, then. There probably wouldn’t be anything left of me.”

“Yes, well…” Whatever Bethany was going to say faded on her lips. “Wait a moment… Seb looks like he wants to say something else. What does he have up his sleeve, I wonder?”

“I am told,” said the prince, holding up his arms for silence, “that your lords of the Marches have further accolades they wish to bestow. Therefore, I must ask for a few other individuals to make their way over here. Might we have the court physician of Wycome, the master poet of Kirkwall, the guard captain of Tantervale, and Kaiten’s master of horse come to the forefront?”

Both Hawke and Bethany looked over at Varric, blinking in stunned silence for several seconds. “Varric... the master poet of Kirkwall. That’s you!” Bethany remarked, her eyes wide. She gripped his arm. “Go on, then, they have something for you!”

“Oh, how nice. A participation trophy,” he deadpanned. “All right, let’s find out what this is all about.” He joined the others in approaching the prince and the other Marcher rulers.

“Good people, on this day, know that each of these individuals has performed exemplary service to their home cities,” said Sebastian. “They have been singled out for their remarkable feats, and since I apparently have the loudest voice of the Marcher lords” – he paused for laughter – “I have been asked to announce them as the other lords present their gifts.”

He turned first to Solas Harel, the court physician of Wycome. “Master Harel, for your exceptional devotion to the sciences, and your discovery of the curative applications of dragonthorn and vandal aria, we are pleased to bestow upon you an honorary knighthood and an increase to your ledgers. Arise, Ser Harel.”

As everyone lauded the new knight, Bethany gasped. “An honorary knighthood! Do you think they'll...?”

“It’s possible! Let’s find out.” Her sister patted her shoulder.

The guard-captain of Tantervale and the master of horse of Kaiten were actually being lauded for the same thing – they had worked together to foil a dangerous undercover plan which would have brought ruin to both of those city-states, and were accorded genuine knighthoods as well as generous estates of their own. But for Varric, it went a bit differently.

“Not only are you the master poet of Kirkwall, my old friend,” said Sebastian, “but all of the Free Marches are honored to call you their own. Your words have brought renown to us from across all of Thedas, and your contributions to the protection of the people of Kirkwall at the Champion’s side have not gone unnoticed either. The Viscount has a special reward for your diligence and skill. It seems that many years ago, before you were even born, yours was a noble family, but stripped of their title and estate. But the valor and selflessness you have displayed in recent years have more than recompensed whatever ills lay in the past. It is therefore our pleasure to restore to you your family’s lands just outside of Kirkwall, and your rightful title as well. Arise, _Lord_ Varric Tethras.”

Bethany let out a shriek of delight. Then, she began to laugh in jubilation. “Well done, my lord! Well done!” she called over the din of cheering.

Varric, for his part, looked completely gobsmacked as he stood, and just barely managed to summon the sense to shake hands with everyone who was standing there congratulating him. He was presented with a scroll of accolade, and another one detailing the family coat of arms which had been restored to him, and the key to the estate. But all he could think was how this had suddenly gone a lot better than he had expected.

From their place in the crowd, the Rutherfords looked more than a little surprised. “So he wanted to be a knight but he was already a lord,” said Cole, looking up at his parents. “And now he’s a lord once more. Does that mean he can do what he wanted to do all along?”

“It would certainly seem like it,” Cullen said, a slow smile spreading across his face.

“He’s so stunned,” said Evangeline with a chuckle. “I suspect he actually had no idea he came from nobility. Oh, I hope he does what he set out to do – I feel very sure that he’ll be happy with the result.”

Cullen turned to her and smiled. “Why, do you have information I don’t, my darling?” he asked, likewise chuckling.

“I did watch the joust with Lady Bethany,” she returned pertly. “I learned a great deal from the expressions on her face. She was very hopeful that he would win – and when he didn’t, I heard her say to herself, ‘You’re still my knight, with or without a knighthood.’ So I daresay the answer is yes if he will just ask the question.”

“Ah, that’s wonderful. Hopefully he does, now that things have turned out so well.”

* * *

Varric did not, immediately, set out to complete his objective. First, he wanted to get the annoying details handled – relocating to the family estate, getting to know the place and the people working there, trying (and somewhat failing) to become comfortable with being called “my lord.”

After about a week, however, he sent out invitations to all of his friends – he had a great many friends – to come and attend a lavish celebration later in the month. To the Hawkes, however, there was a more immediate invitation to come and spend a day on the estate, just the four of them, so that they could have a share in his unexpected good fortune. He was waiting as their carriage rolled into the grounds, and grinned almost sheepishly as he handed Bethany out of it. “So? Not bad, huh?”

“No, not bad at all,” she replied, beaming. “So how does it feel?”

“Still trying to get used to it, for the most part. Also, the place is entirely too quiet. I mean, quiet is good, it lets me write, but it’s _too_ quiet.”

“You’ll have to have us over more often then,” said Hawke, chuckling. “We can fix your quiet problem, I’m sure.”

“I’m hoping you can,” he replied, also chuckling. “I’m looking into some possible long-term solutions to it, though.”

“Oh, yes?” Bethany said. “Are you thinking of hiring a permanent minstrel or something?”

“Actually, I thought maybe I’d invite the local orphanage to move into that big building at the end of the property. Let the kids run around on the grass, maybe turn the unused dovecote into a school.” He was only half joking; it was something he was honestly considering.

“That would be lovely!” Her smiled widened. “I’m sure they’d be very glad of it if you did.”

“It’s just one of a few schemes I’ve got in mind. But let’s go have lunch first, and then you really need to see the hedge maze. I don’t know which one of my ancestors thought getting lost in shrubbery was a good idea but it’s strangely entertaining.”

“There’s a hedge maze?” she asked, laughing and looking a bit delighted. “How marvelous. I look forward to that. This really is quite the estate, Varric.”

“It’s something else,” he agreed, giving her his arm. The four of them made their way inside, and over lunch he regaled them with a few stories about the odd mishaps which had occurred during the ‘settling in’ process. “But I’m getting used to the place, and the staff is getting used to me,” he concluded.

“Well, good, I’m glad.” Bethany, who had been the perfect audience during his tales, gave him a warm smile. “Of all the people I know, there are three people who are beyond deserving of nobility and grand estates – and they’re all right here at this table.”

“Funny, I could say the same thing,” he retorted. Fenris and Hawke exchanged amused glances. “Well, what’ll it be first? Hedge maze or grand tour of the place?”

She squeezed his hand at the compliment. “Hmm… hedge maze first – that way, if I get lost, there’s plenty of time for me to get unlost, whereas if we do it later I’ll be stumbling around in the dark.” She laughed.

“Makes sense, Sunshine. You all go on outside, I just need to have a word with my steward about dinner and then I’ll join you.” He paused. “Actually, Hawke, I could use your input on that, if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.” She glanced at Fenris once again, getting to her feet. “Be back in a moment.”

So while Fenris and Bethany wandered outside, Varric actually _did_ speak to the steward about supper – mostly in the vein of making sure there would be enough for all of them. “I’m guessing you know I didn’t really need your help for that, though,” he said, when he and Hawke were alone.

“I had an inkling. Not exactly a two-person job, that.” She smiled. “So feel free to proceed with what you really wanted.”

“I tried for a knighthood and ended up a restored noble instead. Not bad for a day’s work. But my question for you is whether you know why I was trying for that knighthood in the first place.”

“I have my suspicions, yes.” She nodded. “I’m just waiting for those suspicions to be confirmed.”

He sighed, and chuckled. “You’re going to make me actually say it, huh? Fine. Here goes.” He took a breath. “I’m... I’d... wow, this is hard. Hawke, would you please be my sister-in-law?”

Slowly, a wide smile broke across her features. “Well, what do you know? I _was_ right. Had a feeling I was.” She chuckled, then placed her hands on his shoulders. “Varric, of course I will. Now, I think you’d better go ask the lady in question, shouldn’t you?”

“Had to at least _try_ to do it properly.” He sighed again. “All right, wish me luck... here goes everything.”

“Good luck. Not that I think you’ll need it. Go on, then.” Still smiling, she shooed him away, shaking her head fondly.

* * *

They rejoined the others and made their way into the hedge mage. Varric suspected Hawke of trying to give him space when she proposed a competition. “We’ll break off in pairs and see who can find their way to the center first,” she said. “Losers have to tell embarrassing stories at dinner.”

“How diabolical.” Bethany chuckled. “Well, sister, I hope you and Fenris are prepared to tell embarrassing stories, then,” she teased.

“You do have the advantage, Sunshine,” Varric noted. “I’ve been through it once.”

“They’ll just have to work that much harder then, won’t they?” she said, chuckling again. “Good luck, you two.”

So with Fenris and Hawke trying the east path, Varric and Bethany ventured westward. “What do you think of all this, Sunshine? This place, I mean?”

“Oh, I think it’s wonderful. And to think, this belonged to your family – it could have been yours this whole time. I’m so glad it’s come back to you, you deserve it.”

“Not sure I agree, but I won’t argue. I meant what I said, though, it’s too big and empty. It gets kind of lonely.” He paused. “Today it’s not, of course, but it will be when you leave.”

She turned to face him and gave him a warm smile. “You know I’m always happy to come when you need me. I can make it a point to visit as often as I can, that way neither of us feel lonely.”

“Well, that’s one option, but I was actually wondering if you would be interested in... uh...” He rubbed the back of his neck. “Living here.”

She halted mid step and the corners of her mouth twitched slightly, making the preexisting smile all the wider. “Is that why you entered the tournament?” she asked after a moment. “So you could be the same station as us again and... ask Marian for permission?”

He nodded, looking a bit foolish. “It was kind of a dumb idea, I know, but...”

She shook her head. “No, no, it’s not a dumb idea. It’s not a dumb idea at all. In fact... well, I’ve been hoping...” She reached out to take one of his hands. “But I want to hear it properly.”

“Far be it from me to disappoint milady.” He obligingly dropped to one knee. “Lady Bethany, will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

She laughed, a sound of pure delight, and squeezed his hand. “Oh, yes. Yes. Absolutely, my lord – I thought you’d never ask.”

“Hey, I’d have asked sooner if I’d thought that, you know, I _could_.” He kissed her hand and stood. “Call me old-fashioned, but I wanted to be able to give you what you deserve.”

“And this is why you’re my knight in shining armor, no matter what.” She beamed. “And for the record, I have exactly what I deserve, and what I need, and what I want – which is you.”

“And this is why you’re my Sunshine, no matter what.” He gave her his arm. “Now, let’s see if we can figure this thing out.”

“Sounds perfect,” she said. After a moment, she leaned over and kissed his cheek lingeringly, giggling a bit when she broke away.

“...or we could take our time and make them wonder.”

“Oh, I’d like to change my previous answer. _This_ plan sounds perfect.” She grinned.

* * *

By the time of Varric’s housewarming party three weeks later, the betrothal was known, the banns were published, and Hawke was particularly smug. For his part, Varric was in higher spirits than they’d seen him in a long time, and he welcomed his guests cheerfully and invited them to basically invade the property. The pleasure-grounds were extensive; in addition to the hedge maze, there was a croquet game set up on one of the lawns, plenty of food and drink in the shade, and a billiard table inside the house.

The guest list was likewise extensive. It was fully expected that the Hawkes, the Rutherfords, the Hendyrs, and even the Viscount would be invited (though the Viscount sent his regrets), but there were just as many common folk included as there were members of the nobility and the gentry. When the Hawkes arrived, Varric was just shaking hands with Dorian Pavus, who had been the master of ceremonies for the day of the tournament. “Ah, and here comes my extended family,” he noted with a chuckle.

“Well, hello to my future brother-in-law,” Hawke returned, grinning as she clapped him on the shoulder. “This is quite the party.”

“I don’t do things small, Hawke, you know that. You might remember this gentleman – Dorian Pavus was doing the announcing when I fell out of the saddle. Peacock, this is the Champion of Kirkwall, Marian Hawke; her husband Fenris; and her sister Bethany, soon to be Lady Tethras.” He tried not to sound smug on that last part; he failed utterly.

“How do you do?” Dorian exchanged cordial greetings with Fenris and Hawke, then kissed Bethany’s hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet the lady who bestowed her favor on the poet lord of Kirkwall.” He chuckled.

She returned the laugh. “The pleasure is mine.”

“Well, come in, everybody. I still have to do this hosting-greeting thing,” said Varric with a chuckle, “but there’s plenty for you to do. I think I’ve even got a musician wandering around here someplace, he takes requests.”

“Soon I can do this ‘greeting thing’ with you.” Bethany smiled. “Or for you,” she added, chuckling. “Let me know if you need some company.”

“Well, this is sort of a double-duty occasion, you know, we’re celebrating a lot of things,” Varric mused. “So if you want to stay, I’m certainly not going to object. Ah, here comes Ser Bull. Good to see you, my hulking friend.”

Bethany took the invitation, standing by Varric’s side as Hawke and Fenris entered the house; Dorian, however, remained. “You’re the one who won the test of strength,” Bethany said pleasantly to the new knight. “We weren’t surprised, I can assure you.” She chuckled.

“Oh, thanks.” He laughed. “And don’t tell me, you’re the reason he tried to win the jousting tournament, right? I seem to remember seeing your colors on his lance.”

Bethany shrugged, smiling. “That’s me. I guess love makes people do crazy things. Crazy and wonderful things.”

“So I’ve heard.” Bull chuckled.

“Yep, this is Lady Bethany. And this is Dorian Pavus – you remember him from that day, he was the one yelling himself hoarse.”

“Now, now, I was not _yelling_ , I was _projecting_ – which is how charming people yell.” He smirked faintly, extending his hand to Bull. “A pleasure, Ser.”

“Likewise. So, lordship, what have you got planned for this afternoon?”

“Oh, mostly just amuse yourselves as you please. You can track down the minstrel and make him play some dances, explore the grounds, get lost in the hedge maze – whatever you feel like doing.”

“I especially recommend the hedge maze. I am quite fond of that thing.” Bethany laughed. She then turned to Varric. “And I expect a dance at some point today too.”

“Your wish is my command.”

“Smart man, getting used to that idea so early,” Bull teased.

“Well, he never could say no to my brown eyes,” she said with a grin, leaning on Varric’s shoulder. “But I shall be a merciful despot, never fear.” She kissed his cheek, still grinning.

“Oh, I like her.” Dorian laughed.

“Funny; so do I.” Varric smirked. “Well, we’re just waiting on the Rutherfords, pretty sure everyone else is here now.”

The Rutherfords arrived a few minutes later. Cullen looked exceptionally pleased for the couple as he greeted them both. “I told you it was worth it,” he said quietly to Varric, smiling so wide his face would probably have cracked if he smiled any more.

“Curly, if there’s ever been a time in my life when I was happy to be wrong, this would definitely be it.” Varric kissed Evangeline’s hand, ruffled Cole’s hair, and turned to herd everyone out to the lawns where the party was happening. “Enjoy yourselves. The day is young.”

Bethany waved as everyone departed, then linked her arm in Varric’s. “I think I could get used to this whole thing,” she remarked, gesturing around with her free hand.

“You’d better. It’s all going to be yours very soon.” He chuckled. “Have any thoughts on just how soon?”

“The sooner the better.” She grinned. “Although how do you feel about Harvestmere?”

“Mm. Could be pretty,” he agreed. “Maybe a nice outdoor thing right here on the estate? Put up some big tents and that sort of thing?”

“Oh, that sounds wonderful. A little like today, but even more grand.” She sighed happily. “I like the sound of it.”

“If that’s what you want, that’s what we’ll do. Whatever makes you happy, Sunshine.”

“ _You_ make me happy,” she pointed out. “The rest is just an added bonus.” And with that, she leaned in to kiss him.

* * *

Varric put the pages down and leaned back in his chair, chuckling. “So that,” he said, glancing over at his wife, “was our gift from Rory and Jim. What do you think?”

“I think it was fantastic,” she replied, smiling broadly. “They’re so sweet to have written that for us, bless them.”

“I did tell them I’d be very disappointed if we didn’t get one as a wedding gift. Apparently, they started working on it after our trip to the faire in Crestwood.” He chuckled again. “Watching you tie your favor around my arm was inspiring, according to Rory.”

“So I see.” She laughed. “But knowing Jim and Rory, I can’t say I’m surprised that they would enjoy all the Exalted Age tropes and customs.”

“Nope, no surprise there at all. Well, milady, that about takes care of all gifts and thank-you notes, so what do you want to do now?”

Bethany looked around at all the gifts and shook her head fondly. “After all that? Take a nap, I think,” she joked, giggling. “In all seriousness, I want to bask in the glow a little. This has been so remarkable, I’m still in a bit of a daze.”

“Sunshine, I know exactly what you mean.”

 

_~Fin~_


End file.
